DEAR HARRIETTE: Is working for free ethical? I struggle with this topic with both family and friends who have their own views about it. But the overall consensus would be that those days are over, and whatever skills a person has should be compensated in some way. I do have some people who say the opposite and believe that working for free is crucial in proving one's self and gaining necessary knowledge. What are your thoughts about both arguments? -- Working for Free

DEAR WORKING FOR FREE: This is a hot-button topic that has no easy answer. I certainly believe that people deserve to be paid for their service. I can also tell you from firsthand experience that the reason I got my first job in New York City as a magazine editor is because I had created two unpaid internships for myself when I was in Washington, D.C., where I was able to get my work published and prove to a potential employer that I could do the job that I really wanted.

Because of my own experience, I have always had interns. Typically, they start off unpaid, but often get high school or college credit. Others I have given a chance when no one else would. Many go on to be hired at my company. I have helped to launch dozens of careers in this way. I’m just one example.

On the flip side, if a company can afford to mentor people and pay them from the start, I believe they should do it. Compensation comes in many forms -- from dollars to experience to connections to academic credit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gained a lot of weight, and I feel self-conscious about my body.

I have been in a relationship for almost a year now with a guy I really like. He is respectfully romantic, so he hasn’t pushed me to do anything, but I know he wants to be intimate. I do, too. I just feel like he will reject me if he sees my body in this state. I always dress nice when I am with him, so I make myself look as good as possible. But the very idea of taking off my clothes makes me so nervous.

I think I could be overreacting a bit, but I can’t seem to help myself. My boyfriend is overweight, too, but he seems perfectly comfortable in his skin. I am not. How can I relax? -- Too Fat for Intimacy

DEAR TOO FAT FOR INTIMACY: Since your boyfriend is being so thoughtful and patient, he probably is willing to do a little talking, too. Open up to him. You don’t have to talk about your physical insecurities directly, but you can say that you are shy about intimacy. You can tell him how much you like him and that you want to explore that side of your relationship, but you are a little nervous. This may open the door for further discussion about what the two of you want in life long-term, what you appreciate about each other and what makes you nervous.

If you feel up to it, you can admit that you feel apprehensive about intimacy given that you aren’t the size you used to be. In all likelihood, this man will encourage you by telling you that your body size is not an issue for him. Why do I say that? Because he sees you, even though you have your clothes on! He knows that you are not thin. He already likes you for who you are. You now have to like yourself for who you are -- even if you want to shed some pounds, too. Take a risk and let him love you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time keeping up with the Joneses, so to speak. My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood after he got a fat promotion. We like it a lot, and some of our neighbors are great. But we realized quickly that they have many expectations about how they engage each other. They have already hosted weekend parties and invited the whole neighborhood this summer. We have attended some fun events, but they are way over the top for our budget. What we thought was a leg up in our lifestyle is nothing to these people. We are poor by no means, but we feel like we stick out. How can we continue to live within our means and be active participants in our new neighborhood? -- Sticker Shock

DEAR STICKER SHOCK: You have to come to terms with who you are and what you can afford. You may not be able to host the same level of lavish party as your neighbors, but ask yourself what you can do. Can you host a themed party that is fun and engaging, even if it is not as opulent? Or go in the opposite direction and host a simple, casual barbecue where you serve affordable food and drinks? If you can host a modest event where you feel comfortable, you can set the tone for your guests to feel comfortable, too.

Instead of attempting to keep up with their luxurious lifestyles, establish your own niche. Those who enjoy your events will keep coming. Others will trail off. That’s fine, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am drowning in tax debt, and it’s all my fault. I was so busy trying to keep things going in my family that I was working hard but not paying attention to my taxes. I hadn’t filed for a few years, and now the IRS is all over me. They have threatened to garnish my wages if I don’t file everything by a certain date. I feel paralyzed with fear about this, but I don’t have time for that. I have to get moving and complete my taxes. What can I do to get started? -- Tax Fear

DEAR TAX FEAR: You absolutely must talk to the IRS as you work to fulfill their requirements. They will work with you if you stay in touch with them. Garnishing wages happens when taxpayers avoid communicating and making a plan with the IRS.

Get an accountant who can help you file your back taxes. Your accountant can get on the phone with you to talk to the IRS about exactly what you need to do and how to get it accomplished. Stay in close touch with them so that they know you are following directions. Go to a local IRS office, if needed, and establish a rapport with a representative who can help you sort through your challenges.

Be clear that the time for hiding is over. Many people have had their wages garnished and even gone to jail for evading taxes. Do not become one of them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is the first summer in years that my daughter is not going to camp. She didn’t want to go anymore, and my husband and I appreciated the financial relief of not having to pay that big bill. What we didn’t plan was how she would spend her time.

In the past, my daughter had a minimum of four weeks of completely structured time with counselors, advisers and friends. Now she likes to sleep in late and lounge around. This is not a practice we want to condone. I work for myself, and I thought I would have her help me in my business. She isn’t so keen on that, but I have to find something for her to do. She is a high school student, and I know she needs structure. We have a few weeks planned out when we will be going to the beach or to visit family, but there is still a lot of downtime in there. What should I do? -- Teen Time

DEAR TEEN TIME: It is wise to find ways to fill your daughter’s time, for sure. Yes, it could be good for her to shadow you at work. Set specific hours that will represent her schedule. If you can pay her something for her time, all the better, as it will serve as incentive for her to get up. Give her specific responsibilities, and hold her accountable for them.

You should also allow her time to spend with friends. Look at your city's website to see what activities are happening for teens, and encourage your daughter to participate in some of them with her friends. Whenever you can organize a mother-daughter or family activity, include that, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a pool party this summer by a woman at my job who has a lovely home and outdoor pool. It sounds like a fabulous party, and I want to attend, but I cannot swim. I am not sure if it is assumed that everyone will get in the pool. We are all adults. I have been to other parties where there was a pool, and many people sat around and socialized. Do you think it’s OK for me to do that? I don’t want to talk about the fact that I cannot swim, but I also don’t want to put myself in a dangerous situation. -- Pool Party

DEAR POOL PARTY: It is very common at adult pool parties for people to enjoy themselves without so much as putting their toes in the water. The pool easily serves as a backdrop for the festive occasion. You will not be alone. Wear something lightweight and summery, but not a swimsuit; in that way, your attire makes it clear that you do not intend to swim.

Chances are, nobody will try to force you to swim. When people go in the water, feel at ease sitting on a pool chair and watching the show. If you are invited to get in the water, say no thank you. Do not say that you forgot your swimsuit, because the host will likely offer you one of hers. Just say no and leave it at that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)