DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time keeping up with the Joneses, so to speak. My husband and I moved into a new neighborhood after he got a fat promotion. We like it a lot, and some of our neighbors are great. But we realized quickly that they have many expectations about how they engage each other. They have already hosted weekend parties and invited the whole neighborhood this summer. We have attended some fun events, but they are way over the top for our budget. What we thought was a leg up in our lifestyle is nothing to these people. We are poor by no means, but we feel like we stick out. How can we continue to live within our means and be active participants in our new neighborhood? -- Sticker Shock

DEAR STICKER SHOCK: You have to come to terms with who you are and what you can afford. You may not be able to host the same level of lavish party as your neighbors, but ask yourself what you can do. Can you host a themed party that is fun and engaging, even if it is not as opulent? Or go in the opposite direction and host a simple, casual barbecue where you serve affordable food and drinks? If you can host a modest event where you feel comfortable, you can set the tone for your guests to feel comfortable, too.

Instead of attempting to keep up with their luxurious lifestyles, establish your own niche. Those who enjoy your events will keep coming. Others will trail off. That’s fine, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am drowning in tax debt, and it’s all my fault. I was so busy trying to keep things going in my family that I was working hard but not paying attention to my taxes. I hadn’t filed for a few years, and now the IRS is all over me. They have threatened to garnish my wages if I don’t file everything by a certain date. I feel paralyzed with fear about this, but I don’t have time for that. I have to get moving and complete my taxes. What can I do to get started? -- Tax Fear

DEAR TAX FEAR: You absolutely must talk to the IRS as you work to fulfill their requirements. They will work with you if you stay in touch with them. Garnishing wages happens when taxpayers avoid communicating and making a plan with the IRS.

Get an accountant who can help you file your back taxes. Your accountant can get on the phone with you to talk to the IRS about exactly what you need to do and how to get it accomplished. Stay in close touch with them so that they know you are following directions. Go to a local IRS office, if needed, and establish a rapport with a representative who can help you sort through your challenges.

Be clear that the time for hiding is over. Many people have had their wages garnished and even gone to jail for evading taxes. Do not become one of them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is the first summer in years that my daughter is not going to camp. She didn’t want to go anymore, and my husband and I appreciated the financial relief of not having to pay that big bill. What we didn’t plan was how she would spend her time.

In the past, my daughter had a minimum of four weeks of completely structured time with counselors, advisers and friends. Now she likes to sleep in late and lounge around. This is not a practice we want to condone. I work for myself, and I thought I would have her help me in my business. She isn’t so keen on that, but I have to find something for her to do. She is a high school student, and I know she needs structure. We have a few weeks planned out when we will be going to the beach or to visit family, but there is still a lot of downtime in there. What should I do? -- Teen Time

DEAR TEEN TIME: It is wise to find ways to fill your daughter’s time, for sure. Yes, it could be good for her to shadow you at work. Set specific hours that will represent her schedule. If you can pay her something for her time, all the better, as it will serve as incentive for her to get up. Give her specific responsibilities, and hold her accountable for them.

You should also allow her time to spend with friends. Look at your city's website to see what activities are happening for teens, and encourage your daughter to participate in some of them with her friends. Whenever you can organize a mother-daughter or family activity, include that, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a pool party this summer by a woman at my job who has a lovely home and outdoor pool. It sounds like a fabulous party, and I want to attend, but I cannot swim. I am not sure if it is assumed that everyone will get in the pool. We are all adults. I have been to other parties where there was a pool, and many people sat around and socialized. Do you think it’s OK for me to do that? I don’t want to talk about the fact that I cannot swim, but I also don’t want to put myself in a dangerous situation. -- Pool Party

DEAR POOL PARTY: It is very common at adult pool parties for people to enjoy themselves without so much as putting their toes in the water. The pool easily serves as a backdrop for the festive occasion. You will not be alone. Wear something lightweight and summery, but not a swimsuit; in that way, your attire makes it clear that you do not intend to swim.

Chances are, nobody will try to force you to swim. When people go in the water, feel at ease sitting on a pool chair and watching the show. If you are invited to get in the water, say no thank you. Do not say that you forgot your swimsuit, because the host will likely offer you one of hers. Just say no and leave it at that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met a man through a mutual friend, and I find him kind and thoughtful. We have spoken a few times and even met up as a group with others, and we always have fun.

I learned from our mutual friend that this man has cancer, and he is working hard to fight it -- but he has never mentioned it to me. I would be happy to support him on his health journey, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to talk about his illness unless he mentions it to me. I really like him and would like to be there for him. How can I get that message across without giving away that our mutual friend told me what’s going on? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Do not betray your friend’s confidence. That will only make for an awkward situation. Instead, be a bit more assertive when you reach out to this man. Invite him to a home-cooked meal at your house. Find out what his favorite foods are, and offer to make a meal in his honor. If this seems too forward, make it a small dinner party.

Ease into closeness with this guy as you make it clear to him that you like him. Listen for cues that will allow you to let him know that you enjoy being his friend and would like to spend more time together.

If ever you notice that he isn’t doing well, that’s when you can ask him what’s wrong and offer to be of help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother moved into a retirement community a couple of years ago. It has been good for her overall. Now she can interact with people every day, rather than waiting for her family or friends to stop by when it’s convenient for them.

The downside is that her longtime friends are not nearly as attentive. She used to talk to several of them on the phone multiple times a week and have regular visits from them. That seems to have dried up. Everybody is old, and they all seem to be absorbed in their own problems. This makes my mother sad, though. I don’t think that she is picking up the phone regularly to call them, either. How can I support her? -- Losing Friends

DEAR LOSING FRIENDS: One of the more challenging realities of growing old is that you often lose friends along the way. Apart from those who die are those who are busy navigating their own challenges. In your mother’s case, there is another common situation, namely that without consciously making the effort to stay in touch, it is easy to lose closeness with those friends who are left.

You can help your mother by placing calls for her when you are together so that you put her on the phone with those old friends. You can help keep the engagement alive by facilitating calls and occasional visits. Yes, this is work on your part, but it will surely be worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)