DEAR HARRIETTE: This is the first summer in years that my daughter is not going to camp. She didn’t want to go anymore, and my husband and I appreciated the financial relief of not having to pay that big bill. What we didn’t plan was how she would spend her time.

In the past, my daughter had a minimum of four weeks of completely structured time with counselors, advisers and friends. Now she likes to sleep in late and lounge around. This is not a practice we want to condone. I work for myself, and I thought I would have her help me in my business. She isn’t so keen on that, but I have to find something for her to do. She is a high school student, and I know she needs structure. We have a few weeks planned out when we will be going to the beach or to visit family, but there is still a lot of downtime in there. What should I do? -- Teen Time

DEAR TEEN TIME: It is wise to find ways to fill your daughter’s time, for sure. Yes, it could be good for her to shadow you at work. Set specific hours that will represent her schedule. If you can pay her something for her time, all the better, as it will serve as incentive for her to get up. Give her specific responsibilities, and hold her accountable for them.

You should also allow her time to spend with friends. Look at your city's website to see what activities are happening for teens, and encourage your daughter to participate in some of them with her friends. Whenever you can organize a mother-daughter or family activity, include that, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a pool party this summer by a woman at my job who has a lovely home and outdoor pool. It sounds like a fabulous party, and I want to attend, but I cannot swim. I am not sure if it is assumed that everyone will get in the pool. We are all adults. I have been to other parties where there was a pool, and many people sat around and socialized. Do you think it’s OK for me to do that? I don’t want to talk about the fact that I cannot swim, but I also don’t want to put myself in a dangerous situation. -- Pool Party

DEAR POOL PARTY: It is very common at adult pool parties for people to enjoy themselves without so much as putting their toes in the water. The pool easily serves as a backdrop for the festive occasion. You will not be alone. Wear something lightweight and summery, but not a swimsuit; in that way, your attire makes it clear that you do not intend to swim.

Chances are, nobody will try to force you to swim. When people go in the water, feel at ease sitting on a pool chair and watching the show. If you are invited to get in the water, say no thank you. Do not say that you forgot your swimsuit, because the host will likely offer you one of hers. Just say no and leave it at that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met a man through a mutual friend, and I find him kind and thoughtful. We have spoken a few times and even met up as a group with others, and we always have fun.

I learned from our mutual friend that this man has cancer, and he is working hard to fight it -- but he has never mentioned it to me. I would be happy to support him on his health journey, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to talk about his illness unless he mentions it to me. I really like him and would like to be there for him. How can I get that message across without giving away that our mutual friend told me what’s going on? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Do not betray your friend’s confidence. That will only make for an awkward situation. Instead, be a bit more assertive when you reach out to this man. Invite him to a home-cooked meal at your house. Find out what his favorite foods are, and offer to make a meal in his honor. If this seems too forward, make it a small dinner party.

Ease into closeness with this guy as you make it clear to him that you like him. Listen for cues that will allow you to let him know that you enjoy being his friend and would like to spend more time together.

If ever you notice that he isn’t doing well, that’s when you can ask him what’s wrong and offer to be of help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother moved into a retirement community a couple of years ago. It has been good for her overall. Now she can interact with people every day, rather than waiting for her family or friends to stop by when it’s convenient for them.

The downside is that her longtime friends are not nearly as attentive. She used to talk to several of them on the phone multiple times a week and have regular visits from them. That seems to have dried up. Everybody is old, and they all seem to be absorbed in their own problems. This makes my mother sad, though. I don’t think that she is picking up the phone regularly to call them, either. How can I support her? -- Losing Friends

DEAR LOSING FRIENDS: One of the more challenging realities of growing old is that you often lose friends along the way. Apart from those who die are those who are busy navigating their own challenges. In your mother’s case, there is another common situation, namely that without consciously making the effort to stay in touch, it is easy to lose closeness with those friends who are left.

You can help your mother by placing calls for her when you are together so that you put her on the phone with those old friends. You can help keep the engagement alive by facilitating calls and occasional visits. Yes, this is work on your part, but it will surely be worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor I used to be close with, growing up in the same apartment building, but we grew apart when we got older. I want to rekindle our friendship, but I have no idea where to start. We have taken vastly different paths in our lives and lack any common ground. He doesn’t seem to be very sociable nowadays, and our small talk has been trite. How can I get him to open up to me so we can be friends again? -- Friendly Neighbor

DEAR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOR: It is natural for some people to grow apart as they grow up and their lives change. This doesn’t mean that either of you did anything wrong. It could simply be that your lives have naturally evolved in different directions.

Since you are missing the camaraderie you once shared with your neighbor, you may want to say as much to him. Instead of allowing the trite, superficial conversation to become the norm between you, tell your neighbor that you miss him and wish that you could rekindle a friendship again. Invite him to hang out with you, and see what happens. You may want to start by asking him questions about his life and what he has been doing of late as you share details about yourself. See if this gesture leads to more space for the two of you to enjoy each other’s company again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that my 18-year-old daughter and many of my daughter’s friends -- both male and female -- use the dating app Tinder.

They have told me that Tinder can be used in different ways, it is a good way for young people to make friends and they are cautious and verify people on social media before meeting them. It still concerns me. Is this just a generational difference, or is it something that I should be concerned about? -- Tinder Skeptic

DEAR TINDER SKEPTIC: It can be frightening for parents to think about how our children are finding dates. When it comes to online dating and apps like Tinder -- especially ones that originally, anyhow, were used to find sex partners -- it can be hard for a parent to step back and watch the experience unfold. Yet there is not a lot that you can do.

Remind your daughter about your values. As far as dating in general and via this app, she should remember that it is important not to put herself in unsafe situations with people she doesn’t know. When first meeting a potential date, she should meet in a public space. Though she may feel she has the right to do whatever she wants with her body, remind her that her body is a sacred temple, and she should not allow just anybody into that temple. If she continues to treat herself with respect and honor, she will create space for others to treat her the same. When her friends are around, I would repeat these principles. Your daughter may not like you spouting off about your beliefs, but at least you will be sharing your truth.

As much as you may not want to accept it, there is a chance that sexual activity may be involved at some point, so you should also share the importance of safe sex practices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)