DEAR HARRIETTE: During his first year of college, my son joined a fraternity. I am concerned that what he went through during his pledging process did not adhere to his and our religious ideals. I don’t want to control his religious identity, but he tells me he is still Muslim, and I expect him to live in accordance with our faith.

How do I ask if my child still believes in our religion, and what should I do if he doesn’t anymore? I would disagree with him but want to respect his choice. -- Religion in College

DEAR RELIGION IN COLLEGE: When your child gets to the point of college, your prayer should be that you have laid the groundwork for him to make smart decisions based on the values you have taught him and the decision-making tools you have given him. Will he make mistakes? Without question. Should you still have some measure of influence over him? Yes, but now it is limited. Your son needs to have space to make choices and live with them. I do not recommend that you query him about every single thing he does. Instead, I suggest that you continue to talk to him about values and ask him to consider how he can become part of his college community without losing those beliefs.

The pledging process for fraternities and sororities has many “secret” components. You may never learn all that he experienced, and honestly, that’s probably for the best. Beyond what has already occurred, focus on the future. Encourage your son to navigate his life keeping his religious beliefs in mind. Be aware that he will not be perfect in his efforts to grow into adulthood. If you think back on your own life, chances are, you made your share of mistakes, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has been experiencing a midlife resurgence of regular exercise, and while that is beneficial to his physical health, I’m concerned it is affecting his relationship with our son. He has been forcing our son to partake in various sports, and although my son is doing these activities, he’s constantly complaining that he’s being overworked, having to balance this regular intensive exercise with his work. How can I go about mediating this situation? -- Overworked

DEAR OVERWORKED: Remind your husband that this surge in exercise is his passion, not your son’s. Suggest that he give your son some time off from the rigors of exercising so that he can have time for the other things that are important to him. Negotiate a more reasonable amount of time per week that your son works out with him. Then make sure that your son shows up for the agreed-upon schedule.

The way you can make this less agonizing for your son is to give him some say in what he chooses to do with his dad. What does he enjoy that his father is now doing? He can choose that. Also, encourage your son and your husband to use this time together to talk about life and other topics that will help the two of them bond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends gives me the cold shoulder whenever they are around someone popular. When we hang out together, it is fun, and we share a bunch of secrets, laughs and jokes. We are in high school, and I appreciate this because it’s not easy for me to make friends. But if they are around someone who is cool, it's like my friend forgets about me completely and tries to impress these people. It hurts my feelings, and I am unsure how to bring it up. -- Dumped

DEAR DUMPED: You have to bring this up with your friend. Next time you are alone, ask them why they do that to you -- namely, ignoring you when cool people come around. Tell them that at first you thought it was a fluke, but you have noticed that they do it all the time. You don’t understand how you could go from being tight and enjoying each other’s company to being instantly ignored when these people come around that they are trying to impress.

Be direct. Tell your friend that it hurts your feelings. Add that you aren’t asking them to ignore those people, but if you are together, it would be good manners to include you in the conversation rather than ignoring you. If they refuse to consider your perspective or forget to change their behavior and be more inclusive, you should get up and walk away. Don’t just stay there and allow them to ignore you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get anxious whenever I'm in public, and it affects my life negatively. I am in the hospitality industry, and I know I have to be a people person, but in reality, I feel as though I can't take being in public. I get nervous and embarrassed and feel as though all eyes are on me. I feel like I get negative attention when I am outside, and it has caused me to become an introvert and not socialize with family or friends. It even has had a negative impact on previous jobs and job interviews. Can you provide me any tips to look past this fear of being around others? -- Past the Fear

DEAR PAST THE FEAR: In my work, I teach people how to present themselves effectively. This includes how to get out of your head and become confident in the moment. The first thing you should do is get prepared before you go to a public function. Research the purpose of the event, and find out who is expected to be there. Read up on the organization and the individuals. Think about what you would like to know about them before you arrive. Formulate brief questions so that you are ready to speak when the moment is right

Arrive on the early side. That’s when most of the important people are present and before the event gets too crowded. Using your research, identify people to speak to. Mention something relevant that you learned in your reading. Connect with them based upon mutual interests.

You might also consider taking classes at Toastmasters. It is an affordable option for learning how to become a confident speaker in public settings when you may feel nervous or unsure.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got laid off from my summer job working at a bar. The reason is unfortunate: The bar owners expected us to be very busy during the summer, but business is not what we expected. I planned to work there until going back to college. I tried to convince my bosses to wait a little while, since the season has just begun, but they let me go. I don’t know what to do now. I need to work, plus my parents don’t want me just hanging out at home all summer. They said I need to find something to do, even if I can’t find a job. -- No Job

DEAR NO JOB: You need to look for another job immediately. Look online for job postings in your area(s) of interest, but also pound the pavement. Walk around neighborhoods that have restaurants, bars or other establishments where you think you might be able to work. Look for help wanted signs, and also walk in and confidently ask a manager if they are looking for summer help. Go into densely populated areas that have a lot of foot traffic. That might be in the business sector, in active shopping malls, in fast-food restaurants and even in car washes.

If you are unable to find employment, consider volunteering. Again, look for businesses that seem to need help. You can offer to be an intern or volunteer to help around the office. You can explore community centers, religious organizations or any type of business. Look for something that interests you and, if possible, matches your studies. In this way, you support your educational growth as you also use your time wisely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that one of my friends, a respected rising senior at his university with a student leadership position, has a troubling habit: He takes copious amounts of acid during his downtime. How do I rationalize this behavior? I would think this would be extremely detrimental to his health, but my friends who are closer to him think he can handle it. Should I talk to him about it? How should I approach that conversation? -- Acid Interest

DEAR ACID INTEREST: You do not have to rationalize what your friend does. Rather than talking to other people about his habit, you should speak to him directly. Tell him that you have discovered that he uses acid often and that you are having a hard time understanding why. Tell him that you are concerned about his health and his future. After that, leave it alone. You cannot control his choices. And the reality is, even smart people with bright futures use drugs -- at least some do. You do not have the power to get him to stop. You can decide if you still want to hang out with him or if you will walk away if you are ever in his company when he is using.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)