DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dealing with motivation issues at my summer job working as a ball boy at a tennis tournament. Recently, there has been a massive overhaul in the ball boy rules, and as a result, the tournament administration is requiring veterans to try out again. For some reason, I have no motivation to try out, and I am not sure if it is out of pure laziness, my fundamental disagreement with the administration, or if I no longer want to be a ball boy. Do you have any advice for how I can understand the reasoning behind my lack of motivation? -- Tennis Boy

DEAR TENNIS BOY: Sometimes when you are in the position of “veteran,” having been in a role for an extended period of time, it can be hard to accept that you, too, have to participate in change. Somehow you believe that you should be given a pass, since you already know the ropes. I get it.

But the reality is, you are not above the law of your job. You have to fall in line, whether or not you want to. To make it easier on yourself, recognize that you do believe you should be given a pass. That allows you to accept your personal view. Next, think about how important it is for your organization to make sure that everyone who fills this role should be capable. To ensure that and to exercise impartiality, the tournament wants everyone to pass the same test. You can embrace the new rules and become a leader on behalf of the tournament. As a veteran, tell the others that this new rule is a good thing, as it ensures safety and proficiency.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was promoted and given a bonus at my job, and I’ve felt a strong sense of imposter syndrome that I cannot shake, making my new role difficult to handle. What do you suggest I do or think so I’m less self-persecutory, and this adjustment can proceed more quickly? -- Imposter Syndrome

DEAR IMPOSTER SYNDROME: I recommend that you focus on each task at hand. Instead of worrying, which takes you away from whatever you are charged with accomplishing, make a list of your duties. Identify the skills you have that will aid you in completing the tasks with expertise, and do the work. When your mind starts wandering to doubt, resist the temptation to succumb. Instead, refocus on what you have to get done.

Another suggestion is to anchor yourself in gratitude. Instead of worrying about whether you are qualified to handle a task, count your blessings. You were given this opportunity because someone believes in you and your potential. Be grateful for that faith and trust in you, and use it to propel you to do your best.

If nothing works, consider visiting a therapist who can help you work through those disempowering feelings and free you to leap into your greatness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am constantly making mistakes in love. I am 23 years old, and I have had a few bad relationships. They started out OK, but every single time, something weird happened. I feel like I stay too long or for the wrong reasons. I make smart decisions in other areas of my life, but in romance, I suck. My friends all say that I am a nice young woman, I have good manners and I am pleasant to be around. I go overboard to make a man feel comfortable, but nothing seems to work. I want to have a relationship as I build my career. Do you have any ideas on what I can do? -- Wanting Love

DEAR WANTING LOVE: The best thing you can do for yourself is to figure out what qualities you appreciate in a partner, along with what you think you want in life. You are still young, so I’m sure you don’t have it all figured out yet. But you should have a sense of what you like about a potential companion. Make a written list of things that make you happy. Consider: He makes me laugh. He cares about my feelings. He pays attention to his family. He is helpful. He listens. He has great style. He likes to dance. He doesn’t do drugs. And so on. What is your list?

Now compare your list to the guys you have dated. How do they measure up? Chances are, not so well. This time, when you go out there, go with your list. See if a suitor falls in range of what you value. If so, proceed. If not, don’t go on another date. For wonderful insight into a young woman’s romantic journey (plus plenty more), read "More than Enough," a memoir written by former editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue Elaine Welteroth. She share stories that sound like so many young women’s -- of figuring out how to walk away from bad love into good love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My new boyfriend recently -- and politely -- pointed out my tendency or instinct to take out my phone in social situations that seem to be at a lull and scroll social media “mindlessly.” Do you think this habit is something I should try to mitigate? How should I go about doing so? -- Social Media Addict

DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICT: Thank you for bringing up a real challenge that people face today -- what to do in awkward social situations. It is common for people to do as you do, to check out through the rabbit hole of social media. Unfortunately, that just makes the situation more unbearable for those around you.

It is far better to attempt to strike up a conversation with someone near you. You can discuss the nature of the event, if possible. To support that possibility, research wherever you are headed before you get there. Know who is expected, and have a bit of information on highlights in the news and other things that might be of interest to those who will gather. You can create icebreaker moments simply by being prepared to be in that room and engage with those who are expected to attend. Then you can be remembered for your great contributions rather than for checking out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you believe in love at first sight? Or even unspoken love? I'm currently in my third year of college and have noticed a certain guy around campus since I was a freshman. I can tell that he is attracted to me as well. When we first locked eyes, it's as if we recognized each other from somewhere. However, we have never actually said a word to each other.

He's on the baseball team, and his jersey number is 21. Now everywhere I go, I see that number pop up, whether it's part of the time on the clock, the number on the bus, commercials, social media, etc. ... You name it, I see it!

My friends think I'm delusional, but I feel as though he could be someone special. What are your thoughts on this situation? How do you know who The One is? -- The One

DEAR THE ONE: Stop doubting the messages that are coming to you and take action. You don’t need to consult your friends. You already know that you find this man interesting. Now it’s time to drum up the courage to speak to him.

You believe that he has noticed you. Perhaps you both are shy. Take a leap and go for it. Go up to him and say hello. Tell him that you have noticed him since you started at your university, and you would love to have a chance to talk. Invite him for coffee or some other quiet social interaction. What’s the worst that could happen? He could say no. That wouldn’t be so bad. The upside, though, is that he will likely say yes, and then you will both get a chance to see if the chemistry grows when you are face-to-face.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have teenage cousins who want to be "famous." We all probably had that desire at one point in our lives, but as I grow older, I realize that most famous people aren't truly happy because they have to sacrifice a lot to gain notoriety. My cousins are thinking about the money and the popularity aspect of fame, but there is more to life than that. How can I show my cousins the downside of fame so they don't waste time chasing a dream they don’t need? -- The Cost of Fame

DEAR THE COST OF FAME: Your cousins are growing up at a time when fame seems to be at their fingertips, thanks to social media. While it isn’t really true, it appears that anybody can build a persona and cultivate a following that will bring them recognition and wealth. In reality, most people do not reach that level.

Ask your cousins to think about what they want their lives to represent. Ask them about their interests and abilities. Encourage them to think about what they want people to think about them and what they stand for. If they can tap into their interests, that’s what they should be developing. They can get their core message to a larger audience through social media, but let them know that it takes a lot of time and hard work.

Remind your cousins that fame comes with a loss of privacy. People with thousands or even millions of followers may not be able to go to the grocery store without being spotted, or have a relationship go sideways without the world talking about it. Balancing a bit of “fame” with a lot of privacy ultimately is a healthier goal.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)