life

Reader Wonders About Meeting "The One"

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 25th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you believe in love at first sight? Or even unspoken love? I'm currently in my third year of college and have noticed a certain guy around campus since I was a freshman. I can tell that he is attracted to me as well. When we first locked eyes, it's as if we recognized each other from somewhere. However, we have never actually said a word to each other.

He's on the baseball team, and his jersey number is 21. Now everywhere I go, I see that number pop up, whether it's part of the time on the clock, the number on the bus, commercials, social media, etc. ... You name it, I see it!

My friends think I'm delusional, but I feel as though he could be someone special. What are your thoughts on this situation? How do you know who The One is? -- The One

DEAR THE ONE: Stop doubting the messages that are coming to you and take action. You don’t need to consult your friends. You already know that you find this man interesting. Now it’s time to drum up the courage to speak to him.

You believe that he has noticed you. Perhaps you both are shy. Take a leap and go for it. Go up to him and say hello. Tell him that you have noticed him since you started at your university, and you would love to have a chance to talk. Invite him for coffee or some other quiet social interaction. What’s the worst that could happen? He could say no. That wouldn’t be so bad. The upside, though, is that he will likely say yes, and then you will both get a chance to see if the chemistry grows when you are face-to-face.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 25, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 25th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have teenage cousins who want to be "famous." We all probably had that desire at one point in our lives, but as I grow older, I realize that most famous people aren't truly happy because they have to sacrifice a lot to gain notoriety. My cousins are thinking about the money and the popularity aspect of fame, but there is more to life than that. How can I show my cousins the downside of fame so they don't waste time chasing a dream they don’t need? -- The Cost of Fame

DEAR THE COST OF FAME: Your cousins are growing up at a time when fame seems to be at their fingertips, thanks to social media. While it isn’t really true, it appears that anybody can build a persona and cultivate a following that will bring them recognition and wealth. In reality, most people do not reach that level.

Ask your cousins to think about what they want their lives to represent. Ask them about their interests and abilities. Encourage them to think about what they want people to think about them and what they stand for. If they can tap into their interests, that’s what they should be developing. They can get their core message to a larger audience through social media, but let them know that it takes a lot of time and hard work.

Remind your cousins that fame comes with a loss of privacy. People with thousands or even millions of followers may not be able to go to the grocery store without being spotted, or have a relationship go sideways without the world talking about it. Balancing a bit of “fame” with a lot of privacy ultimately is a healthier goal.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Father Wants To Apologize Conditionally to Son

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 24th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an argument with my high school-aged son about something frivolous, and it devolved to the point where we both said hurtful things to each other. We have since put the argument behind us and acted normally, but without any real resolution or apologies from either side. As a father, at what point should I admit my transgressions, and how should I tell this to my son while conveying the idea that he is also in the wrong? -- Improving Dad

DEAR IMPROVING DAD: One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your son is how to admit when you are wrong. We all make bad decisions on occasion, and it is essential to be equipped to admit our mistakes with clarity and focus.

Your son observes everything you do. Show him through your example that you recognize your error and that you are sorry. You can tell him that you are sorry that the two of you had such a heated interaction recently. While you believe that what sparked the inflammatory moment was worthy of concern -- meaning you think your son did something wrong -- you do not like how it escalated, and you are sorry that you both said things that you regret. Tell him that even though the moment has passed, you wanted to revisit it for a moment to say that you hope the next time you have a disagreement, you both will be able to discuss or even argue a point without allowing it to turn ugly.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 24, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 24th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my organizational skills have deteriorated since graduating from college, and my more-cluttered nature has negatively impacted my job. What are some things I can do to better visualize my tasks and improve my organizational skills? -- Disorganized

DEAR DISORGANIZED: The good news is that you believe you employed organizational tools in the past. Think back to your college years. What worked for you when you were studying? What tools did you use that helped you to survive and thrive? Write those things down and review them to see how your old tools might apply to your current situation.

One strategy that I use for work and life that you may appreciate is making lists. Every single day -- including over the weekend -- I start my day with a list outlining everything that I need to accomplish for the day. I break the list down into categories -- projects, personal responsibilities, bills, health, etc. I make sure to make each entry manageable. For example, if I have a big deadline to meet, I prefer to separate it into small, specific activities that will lead to fulfilling the big effort. In this way, I can check off each small success as I head toward the bigger goal. Success inspires people to access energy to create greater success. This is especially helpful when a deadline is daunting or when the stakes are high.

You can make your list on your computer, on your smartphone or on a notepad. As you accomplish each task, check it off in the moment. This will keep you on track and keep you motivated.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Boyfriend Wants Woman to Stop Dyeing Hair

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 22nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My hair has been mostly gray since I was in my early 30s. I can thank my mom for that. Her hair turned white by 35. I have been dying my hair for years because I’m not ready to go “natural,” so to speak.

My new boyfriend keeps trying to get me to let my hair grow out. He says I’m beautiful as I am, and I don’t need to worry with hair color. That’s sweet and all, but I’m not ready for this. I think that it’s hard enough for women to make it in the working world as we get older. I’m in my 40s, but I still look pretty young for my age. I am fit and take good care of myself. For me, dyeing my hair helps me to keep a youthful appearance. That is important to me. How can I get him to appreciate my decision to continue to dye my hair? -- No Gray

DEAR NO GRAY: Thank your boyfriend for loving you so completely, and ask him to extend his love for you to the ways in which you want to express yourself. For you, natural is not gray, at least not now. You enjoy dyeing your hair, and you would like for him to like it as well.

Tell him your thoughts about aging and the workplace. Get him to see your side of this topic. Acknowledge how nice it is that he doesn’t care about your hair color and that he values you the same. Point out that he is not your boss or your industry. Ask for his support in your decision-making.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 22, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 22nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A young lady just started interning with me for the summer. She is very eager to do a good job and a bit nervous, which is normal at the beginning of a work relationship. The one thing that is bothering me is that she wears way too much perfume. It is overwhelming in our small office. I haven’t said anything yet because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, but I can’t take it. The smell is so intense that it is nauseating. How can I bring this up to her? -- Aromatic

DEAR AROMATIC: At the end of a workday, take her aside and tell her that you need to share something with her. Tell her that you are extremely sensitive to smell, and you have noticed that she wears either a lot of perfume or a strong fragrance. Ask her stop wearing it or to apply less. Explain that the office is small and the fragrance is overpowering the space. Chances are, she will be embarrassed at first, but it has to be addressed.

You should know that when people are nervous, they often do things excessively, from fragrance and makeup application to overtalking. Sometimes these things settle over time. In other instances, they have to be addressed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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