life

Life Coach Needs to Stop Giving Advice for Free

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 14th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a professional life coach. I help clients sort out their problems and make smarter choices. So far, it’s been going well. I mainly get clients through word of mouth.

The one thing that I haven’t figured out is how to get my friends and family to pay for my services. It’s one thing to give a little advice here and there, but several people in my life go so far as to call me and to schedule time to pick my brain without ever considering that they should pay for my services. Meanwhile, they will pay for all kinds of other services, such as manicures, the hairdresser and all kinds of other beauty services. I don’t know why they should be more valuable than the services I offer. What can I do? -- Time to Charge

DEAR TIME TO CHARGE: Family members and friends often take loved ones for granted without meaning to. They are likely so accustomed to you doling out advice that it hasn’t occurred to them that they should pay. It can be difficult getting them to pay even after you make them aware of their behavior.

One way to create boundaries around your work is to let them know that this is how you earn a living. Offer to “give” a half-hour of free advice. Any professional counseling time after that you can offer to them at a friends-and-family discount. In this way, you let them know what your standard fees are and what you are willing to offer them. If they balk, stop giving them advice. Tell them you just want to hang out and enjoy each other’s company and not have to work. Then, stick to it.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 14, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 14th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just got injured and had to get 10 stitches in her leg. She has crutches and should heal fully. Her dilemma is that she is planning to go to an all-day outdoor concert in a couple of days. She is not supposed to bend her knee so that she doesn’t break the stitches. I don’t think going to a concert where she will be on her feet for many hours is smart. The nurse said she should be fine and able to attend, but I think it’s too much. How do you think I should handle this? -- The Right Thing

DEAR THE RIGHT THING: Take it one day at a time. Since the nurse gave her clearance, at least you have one medical professional saying it should be OK. But you will be with your daughter and can see how she is mending. Look at her wound each day as you dress it.

At the same time, do more research on the location of the concert. How much seating is there? Which acts does she really want to see? You may want to limit how long she will be at the concert, if you let her attend at all. As upset as your daughter may be, do not let her attend if you are concerned that she will injure herself again. You have to be the parent in this scenario and do what’s safe for your child.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Woman's Crazy Hair Embarrasses Her Cousin

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 13th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin and I are extremely close. We're like sisters. We both started a natural hair journey together, but with that comes trial and error. Certain styles that my cousin does with her hair are not the most flattering to her features. I don't want her to go out in public and have someone make a rude comment because of it. I've tried to tell her about this before, but she gets extremely offended and defensive, saying that she doesn't care what anyone thinks as long as she's happy with her hair. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to go out with her hair looking crazy. How should I resolve this issue? -- Bad Hair Days

DEAR BAD HAIR DAYS: Siblings and cousins who are like siblings disagree about things. The fact that you and your cousin began your natural hair journey together does not mean that you will choose to do things identically, that you will always come up with attractive styles or that you will consistently agree with the creative ideas that you try. That’s OK.

Learning how to manage natural hair, especially if it is curly, can take a lot of time and the right products to manage. Give your cousin the space that she needs to experiment. You can tell her when you think she’s gone too far, especially if she has a particular function to attend, but for the most part, just let her be. If she gets negative feedback, she will have to deal with that herself. Stop trying to protect her, as it feels like control to her. You might also look online for ideas on natural hair looks. Have fun exploring!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 13, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 13th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so mad at myself. I made the commitment in January to work out at least three times a week after my doctor told me that I need to lose weight. I thought I was motivated to follow his directions, but I can count the number of times I have worked out so far this year on one hand. I know -- it’s awful.

Now it’s about to be summer, and I feel like a fat pig. I am up a whole clothing size, even though I was supposed to be down three sizes. I saw a photo of myself from over the weekend, and I was mortified by the person I saw in the pictures. I feel like I should just stay home and hibernate. I normally love summer, going to beach, all of it. But I can’t bear putting on a swimsuit looking the way I look now. What should I do? -- Beached Whale

DEAR BEACHED WHALE: It is not too late for you to take action. Resist the temptation to hibernate. What you need to do is move your body. Get up and take a walk. We are supposed to walk 10,000 steps every day. Get a free step tracker on your phone, and build up to 10,000 steps. (That’s about 5 miles.) It will take time to develop the stamina to do it, but you can. Consider going to the gym or taking a dance class. Find something that you enjoy that gets you moving. Drink lots of water, and cut down on the calories. If you commit today to moving your body, you will see results over time. Go outside and enjoy the weather! You deserve it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Upset When Busy Reader Forgot His Birthday

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 12th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I forgot a friend's birthday. I have a busy schedule with work and kids, and my memory isn't as sharp as it once was. I realized my mistake six days after his birthday, and I sent over an apology. He told me that my forgetting made him feel sad, and he explained that my mistake was the reason why he hadn't been in communication with me, although I've been so busy I didn't even realize that. I'm struggling to determine if he is overreacting or if I really messed up. He did remember my birthday, but I feel as though it's not too much of a crime that I forgot. I don't think he accepted my apology. Should I leave the situation alone or continue to try and apologize? -- Missed Birthday

DEAR MISSED BIRTHDAY: Clearly, your birthday call is important to your friend. Your momentary memory lapse was not lost on him. If you think your friend is still feeling hurt, you can reach back to him and make it clear that you still love him and know that recognizing his birthday is important. Tell him one more time that you are so sorry that you missed him this year, then point out that this lapse in no way reflects a lack of caring on your part. After reiterating your affection for your friend, let it go.

To help yourself in the future, you may want to put alarms in the calendar on your phone to remind you of important dates. Technology can support you.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 12, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 12th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job where I am the youngest person in my department. This causes some people to mistreat me and try and walk all over me. I don't understand why older people in the workplace aren't receptive and open to being around younger co-workers. I respect that they were there first and have worked there longer, but I feel that I should be respected just as much. How can I get them to treat me better? -- Age Discrimination

DEAR AGE DISCRIMINATION: Sadly, this type of behavior is common in the workplace. Many co-workers assume that young people are uninformed and less capable of doing a particular job than they are. Disparaging comments and jabs can hamper your ability to do your job.

To get your co-workers to treat you better, first be excellent at your responsibilities so that your work is above reproach. Focus on doing a good job, and ignore the barbs whenever you can. When comments are taken too far, use humor to lighten the mood. For example, if someone says you are too young to understand something, you could jokingly ask when a person is too old to understand something else. You can directly say to someone who is saying inappropriate things to you that you would appreciate it if they would stop. Point out that it’s hard to do your job when you are constantly being harassed. Finally, go to human resources and report the individuals who are chastising you. Be specific with your complaints, using examples that reflect the exact language that was used and who the witnesses were.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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