life

Parent Doesn't Want Kids Exploring Woods

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 8th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids and my neighbors' kids have just started playing with one another, and I am happy that they are friends. However, my neighbors have a different set of rule for their kids that I don't really agree with for my own. We live by the woods, and while they allow their kids to run out and play near them, I am not comfortable with that. I'd rather my kids play in the front yard.

Since my neighbors' children are a bit older, they usually take the lead in these play sessions and often try to convince mine to come with them near the wooded area. I don't want to break up this friendship, but my kids’ safety comes first. How can I resolve this situation? -- Out of the Woods

DEAR OUT OF THE WOODS: The fact that you live near the woods means that it is only a matter of time before your children venture out to explore there. If you want to control that experience, I recommend that you go on small hikes with them so that you personally get to see what is in your woods. You can let them know what to look out for and what to avoid. If you don’t really know, scout out someone in your community who can teach all of you.

You can still make the rule that your children have to play in the front yard and that they cannot go into the woods without your permission, but it’s unlikely that your rule will last for long. So prepare them. If there is a scouting group in your area, consider signing them up for that, too, so that they can learn how to safely explore the woods.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 08, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 8th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an outdoor food and wine festival this weekend. It was a great event with all kinds of things to sample. As can easily happen at this type of event, some people got a bit tipsy. One woman stood out. I recognized her because she is somewhat controversial in our community, and I was surprised to see her there. But she also stood out because she was really drunk. Part of me wanted to see her get her due, and have the local press spot her and write about her drunkenness. I had that thought for a minute, but then my humanity kicked in. I could hear my mother’s voice in my head reminding me of the Golden Rule -- to treat people like I want to be treated. So I asked a mutual friend to help her out. I couldn’t have done it. We aren’t friends, and it would have been awkward.

I guess I’m writing to you because I’m still kind of mad at this woman for making such a dumb choice in even coming to the event in the first place. Should I follow up and say anything or just leave well enough alone? -- Bailing Her Out

DEAR BAILING HER OUT: Don’t do anything else. You resisted a vindictive urge and drew upon your humanity, which is great! Feel good about helping that woman stay protected against her own poor judgment. Now let it go. And hope that if you ever do something stupid, someone will come to your rescue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Thinks Little People Should Only Adopt

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 7th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently been watching and have become of fan of a television show called "Little Women." It displays the lives of individuals born with dwarfism. I learn a lot about the condition and the problems little people face on a daily basis, but I also learned that they are just normal people.

Most of the show's cast members have kids, and this sparked a debate between a friend and me. My friend claims that it is selfish for these people to have kids because their kids often face the same medical conditions as their parents. He said that it's better for people with dwarfism to adopt children in foster homes instead of having their own. I feel the opposite and don’t understand his viewpoint. Little people do have struggles, but they operate in life the same way people of average height do, so they should have kids if they can provide for them. I told my friend he should adopt a child since he was so concerned about it. What middle ground, if any, can you offer to this debate? -- The Right To Have Children

DEAR THE RIGHT TO HAVE CHILDREN: What I appreciate about some of the reality shows that are airing these days, like "Little Women," is that viewers are exposed to the lives of folks they might otherwise never meet. While there can be medical challenges to people born with dwarfism, as the show depicts, they also face the same trials and joys as people not born with that condition. Also, as you have seen, they don’t always give birth to children with the same medical challenges. In fact, one of the women on the show has twins -- one with dwarfism, and one without.

I think that people of all backgrounds, including those living with any number of medical conditions, should talk with their doctors and review the risks of giving birth to children. There are many medical screenings that exist these days to help potential parents learn about what chromosomal risks they may face, as well as other concerns. My advice to your friend is to mind his own business.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 07, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 7th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have felt the urge to meet up with old friends recently. I’ve been so busy in recent years that I hardly get to see anyone. A couple of friends have died in the past few months, and it got me thinking that I really need to be more engaged with the people I love. The downside is that I’m exhausted from all of the socializing. I have a busy work schedule, and I have a family with teenage children. I need to pay attention to them, too. How can I manage what seems really important with the rest of my schedule? -- Betwixt

DEAR BETWIXT: This is why people have parties! Can you plan a barbecue or some other type of get-together this summer where it’s not so much a one-on-one but more a group of people you love coming together at one time to enjoy one another? While that’s not the same as an intimate dinner where you go into details with friends about your lives, it is a way for you to connect face-to-face with people you love.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Reacts to New Abortion Laws Sweeping the Country

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 6th, 2019

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new law was put in place in Alabama, banning women from having abortions, even in cases of incest or rape. I fear that this won't stop in just one state but will spread across the country. I would say that this represents a war on women, but I am aware that a couple of women were partially responsible for allowing this law to pass, including the governor of Alabama.

I am sure this law passed because of the Christian majority in the country. While I am Christian, I believe people should have control of their own bodies. This leads me to question whether Christianity is being used the right way in this country. Time and time again, we have seen Christianity used to promote violence and hate, yet those actions go against the words of the Bible. This can be confusing to many people, including myself, and it causes people to question their faith. What are your thoughts on this matter? -- The Abortion Fight

DEAR THE ABORTION FIGHT: The right to choose is one of the most volatile issues of our time. And Alabama is not alone; many states are changing their laws about abortion, which is shaking America to its core. Rallies are being organized nationwide to protest the conservative wave that seems to be sweeping our country. The question arises again and again: Who has dominion over a woman’s body?

Before abortions were safe and legal, women still had them for a host of reasons. Abortions will not go away if states make the surgery illegal, but the mortality risk to women will skyrocket as safety precautions get lost due to this intervention.

Most Christians -- and followers of many other religions -- consider abortion a last resort for an unwanted pregnancy -- if it’s ever a consideration at all. Most people, religious or not, believe that life is sacred. However, that belief does not require a woman to give up the right to choose.

I have witnessed firsthand many women who cannot properly care for their children who have brought them into the world only for them to suffer terribly. I have seen our government fail children who are pushed into the system when parents cannot care for their babies. Of course there are success stories as well. But since our country does not and cannot promise to care for children who are born into families who cannot support them, I do not think we have the right to force women to bring those children into the world.

I know there will be many of you who disagree with me. I challenge you to look around and talk to your neighbors and friends openly and honestly about this subject. Regardless of your religious views, does this feel right to you? Do you think we should force people to have children conceived by rape or incest? Do you think the government should be able to control what you can and cannot do with your body? I don’t think so. I believe you should be able to make this decision based on your values and needs. The operative word here is YOU.

Whatever your opinion is on this subject, now is the time to speak up. Whatever position you support, contact your member of Congress and make your opinion known. Your voice will count, but only if you speak up. To reach United States Representatives, call 202-225-3121; for U.S. Senators, call 202-224-3121.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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