life

Friend Thinks Little People Should Only Adopt

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 7th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently been watching and have become of fan of a television show called "Little Women." It displays the lives of individuals born with dwarfism. I learn a lot about the condition and the problems little people face on a daily basis, but I also learned that they are just normal people.

Most of the show's cast members have kids, and this sparked a debate between a friend and me. My friend claims that it is selfish for these people to have kids because their kids often face the same medical conditions as their parents. He said that it's better for people with dwarfism to adopt children in foster homes instead of having their own. I feel the opposite and don’t understand his viewpoint. Little people do have struggles, but they operate in life the same way people of average height do, so they should have kids if they can provide for them. I told my friend he should adopt a child since he was so concerned about it. What middle ground, if any, can you offer to this debate? -- The Right To Have Children

DEAR THE RIGHT TO HAVE CHILDREN: What I appreciate about some of the reality shows that are airing these days, like "Little Women," is that viewers are exposed to the lives of folks they might otherwise never meet. While there can be medical challenges to people born with dwarfism, as the show depicts, they also face the same trials and joys as people not born with that condition. Also, as you have seen, they don’t always give birth to children with the same medical challenges. In fact, one of the women on the show has twins -- one with dwarfism, and one without.

I think that people of all backgrounds, including those living with any number of medical conditions, should talk with their doctors and review the risks of giving birth to children. There are many medical screenings that exist these days to help potential parents learn about what chromosomal risks they may face, as well as other concerns. My advice to your friend is to mind his own business.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 07, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 7th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have felt the urge to meet up with old friends recently. I’ve been so busy in recent years that I hardly get to see anyone. A couple of friends have died in the past few months, and it got me thinking that I really need to be more engaged with the people I love. The downside is that I’m exhausted from all of the socializing. I have a busy work schedule, and I have a family with teenage children. I need to pay attention to them, too. How can I manage what seems really important with the rest of my schedule? -- Betwixt

DEAR BETWIXT: This is why people have parties! Can you plan a barbecue or some other type of get-together this summer where it’s not so much a one-on-one but more a group of people you love coming together at one time to enjoy one another? While that’s not the same as an intimate dinner where you go into details with friends about your lives, it is a way for you to connect face-to-face with people you love.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Reacts to New Abortion Laws Sweeping the Country

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 6th, 2019

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new law was put in place in Alabama, banning women from having abortions, even in cases of incest or rape. I fear that this won't stop in just one state but will spread across the country. I would say that this represents a war on women, but I am aware that a couple of women were partially responsible for allowing this law to pass, including the governor of Alabama.

I am sure this law passed because of the Christian majority in the country. While I am Christian, I believe people should have control of their own bodies. This leads me to question whether Christianity is being used the right way in this country. Time and time again, we have seen Christianity used to promote violence and hate, yet those actions go against the words of the Bible. This can be confusing to many people, including myself, and it causes people to question their faith. What are your thoughts on this matter? -- The Abortion Fight

DEAR THE ABORTION FIGHT: The right to choose is one of the most volatile issues of our time. And Alabama is not alone; many states are changing their laws about abortion, which is shaking America to its core. Rallies are being organized nationwide to protest the conservative wave that seems to be sweeping our country. The question arises again and again: Who has dominion over a woman’s body?

Before abortions were safe and legal, women still had them for a host of reasons. Abortions will not go away if states make the surgery illegal, but the mortality risk to women will skyrocket as safety precautions get lost due to this intervention.

Most Christians -- and followers of many other religions -- consider abortion a last resort for an unwanted pregnancy -- if it’s ever a consideration at all. Most people, religious or not, believe that life is sacred. However, that belief does not require a woman to give up the right to choose.

I have witnessed firsthand many women who cannot properly care for their children who have brought them into the world only for them to suffer terribly. I have seen our government fail children who are pushed into the system when parents cannot care for their babies. Of course there are success stories as well. But since our country does not and cannot promise to care for children who are born into families who cannot support them, I do not think we have the right to force women to bring those children into the world.

I know there will be many of you who disagree with me. I challenge you to look around and talk to your neighbors and friends openly and honestly about this subject. Regardless of your religious views, does this feel right to you? Do you think we should force people to have children conceived by rape or incest? Do you think the government should be able to control what you can and cannot do with your body? I don’t think so. I believe you should be able to make this decision based on your values and needs. The operative word here is YOU.

Whatever your opinion is on this subject, now is the time to speak up. Whatever position you support, contact your member of Congress and make your opinion known. Your voice will count, but only if you speak up. To reach United States Representatives, call 202-225-3121; for U.S. Senators, call 202-224-3121.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Grandmother Chastised for Leaving Girls With Boyfriend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 5th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend allows a man she is dating to watch her two young granddaughters when she makes small store runs. I have met her boyfriend, and he seems like a nice and trustworthy guy. But the kids' mother has confronted my friend about leaving her babies with him, and I honestly cannot blame her. With everything that has been in the news lately about predators taking innocent children's lives, it is not the best idea to leave two girls alone with this man. My friend confided in me, confused and hurt about the mother's negativity in this situation, and I need a way to explain to her how crucial it is to be extra-cautious with her small granddaughters. -- Off-Limits

DEAR OFF-LIMITS: Your friend’s daughter has the right to put her children in the trust of specific people -- namely, your friend. She also has the right to ask your friend not to leave them with anyone else, including her boyfriend. While he may be perfectly safe, he also may not have the skills to care for small children or the willingness to watch them as needed. And, for pure safety purposes, it is understandable that their mother would not want her babies to be in the care of someone she hasn’t vetted.

The way your friend can handle this is simply to stop doing it. If she needs something from the store, she can ask her boyfriend to go get it. She may not need to say anything to her boyfriend about her daughter’s concerns. Instead, she can just be a responsible baby sitter of small children, meaning she never lets them out of her sight.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 05, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 5th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked by a close friend to take on her college-age daughter for a summer internship. I often have interns, but this year I wasn’t planning on working with any young people. I want to take it a bit easy. It is true that whenever I have college interns, I get energized because they normally have good ideas, but this year I had planned to spend most of the summer with my own daughter, who will not be in camp for the first time in years. How can I help my friend’s daughter and be there for my own as well? I work freelance, so I don’t have to follow a precise schedule, but when you have an intern, it’s best to stick to a routine. -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: You can do both! You just have to rally enough energy to get started. Design a limited workweek with your intern -- say 15 to 20 hours a week with a relatively defined schedule. Include your daughter in some of the activities. The two of them could work together on certain projects, which will allow you to spend time with your daughter and give her structured work to do in the summer.

On the off hours, plan special activities for just your daughter and you that will be memorable in years to come. Don’t just lie around at home or shop. Seek out interesting sites to visit and activities that you both will enjoy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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