DEAR HARRIETTE: I have brightly colored hair and a nose piercing. I know my image is not always seen as professional, and I find that to be a reason why I get turned down for jobs. However, my image is an expression of myself, and I am not willing to change. I honestly feel that times are changing with my generation starting to move into the workplace. People should not judge each other based on how they look, but by what they can do. I am well-qualified in my field, and I feel that should speak for itself. What do you think about the professional world evolving? -- Self-Expression and Work

DEAR SELF-EXPRESSION AND WORK: It is true that at this time in history, the workplace offers much broader opportunity for potential employees to express themselves freely. Yet it is still largely true that for many, if not most, jobs, dressing in some version of professional attire and styling is preferable. Many employers look to hire people with the necessary skills and worldview to match or at least fit in to the culture of their company.

The good news is that in many creative fields, there is a lot of flexibility around piercings, tattoos and hair color as well as style of dress. If you look hard enough, you are bound to find a company in a creative field that may welcome you if you have the skill set required. This may require you to move. Bigger urban centers tend to be more welcoming of diversity of all types.

Since you have experienced rejection firsthand that you attribute to your appearance, you may also want to reconsider how you present yourself in a job interview. Without compromising your integrity, what choices could you make that define you more professionally without denying the core of who you are? A mistake that people sometimes make is not understanding that it is possible to “be yourself” while also being respectful of what is expected of you where you are going. When you learn how to balance your personal desires with the requirements before you, you will likely find your life much more effective and fulfilling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so sad for my daughter. She has an on-again, off-again boyfriend who is stringing her along and killing her self-esteem. She is such a sweet young woman, but it’s almost like this man has occupied her heart and mind. Regardless of what he says or does to her -- nothing violent -- she keeps going back for more. I don’t know how to help her. I have pulled out all the stories I can recall about my friends and me with bad-news boyfriends when we were growing up, but she doesn’t hear anything. She needs to walk away. How can I help her make that choice? -- Bad-News Boyfriend

DEAR BAD-NEWS BOYFRIEND: This may be the perfect time for professional support. When a person’s self-esteem is dashed, it can seem impossible to climb out of a bad situation. I know people in similar relationships -- or worse -- who have shared that they feel like their boyfriend had control of their mind and soul. When that is happening, no matter how much you love your daughter, you may not be able to help her. Find her a therapist with whom she can discuss her life and talk through her challenges. That professional may be able to help her find a bridge back to herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend wants to get plastic surgery, and I am completely against it. I know it's her body and her choice, but in my opinion, voluntarily going into surgery is purposefully risking her life. I keep trying to talk her out of it, but she's strong-willed and wants to get the procedure done. Nothing is wrong with her. She just wants to be aesthetically pleasing. I am worried that something will go wrong, and I don't want to lose her. -- Anti-Plastic Surgery

DEAR ANTI-PLASTIC SURGERY: As someone who had three nonelective surgeries back-to-back when I was in elementary school, I totally understand your apprehension about elective plastic surgery. You are not wrong to be concerned. There are instances when people have had complications, including death, as a result of surgery -- think Joan Rivers and Kanye West’s mom Donda.

That said, I have spoken to a number of plastic surgeons about how they work, and I do know that the level of preparedness that is required is significant. This includes a complete patient workup to ensure that her or his body is in good enough health to undergo surgery. Though things can go wrong, it is a rare occurrence.

Stop trying to convince your friend of anything. You have already clearly expressed your opinion. It is her life. Whether or not you like her choices, she gets to make them. Instead of being doom and gloom, encourage your friend to be in optimal health so that she will be as ready for the surgery as possible. You can also encourage her to research the aftermath and recovery period expectations. That is being a good friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister puts her fiance before her kids. I am not married, so I do not want to judge a situation that I am not in, but I feel as though my nieces and nephews are being slighted. They are not getting enough attention from their mother. She often gives them up to family or finds a baby sitter in order to hang out with her man as much as she can. Even on important holidays, I find out that she is not with her kids and is instead spending time with him. This makes me so upset to see because I fear eventually this will have a negative effect on them. I don't want to blow up the situation, but I do want to help. -- Absentee Mom

DEAR ABSENTEE MOM: Do your best to get your sister to sit down alone with you. Express your concerns about her children and the family’s future. Yes, it’s great that she has found someone she loves. But remind her that if this man is to become part of the family, they need to work together to build the family unit. That means she should be creating opportunities for her fiance to interact with her and the children as well as with the children on his own. It is unlikely that the marriage will be successful if he doesn’t become part of the whole family. Otherwise, the children will suffer. Actually, everyone will.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My relationship with my mother is not good. She is much older now, but she has not lost her stubbornness. I have always been a respectful son, and I help her out whenever she needs me. However, she tends to turn on me. Most recently, she accused me of breaking something in her home and told the whole family that I am responsible for it, when this is not the case. I explained this to my mother, but once she has her mind made up, there is no convincing her otherwise. I want to pull back from this toxic relationship, but I feel this isn't the best option as my mother is older and life is short. What should I do? -- Role Reversal

DEAR ROLE REVERSAL: You are finding yourself in a situation that many grown children of aging parents experience. You now are becoming more of a caretaker than a child. With that often come myriad challenges. You have to be able to weather your mother’s stubbornness and do your best not to let her behavior get under your skin.

Talk to your family members and let them know about some of the behaviors that your mother has been exhibiting, including this new form of blame. Tell them what you have been doing to support her and how she has been reacting. Let them know that this is stressful at times, and you need their support. Most important is for them to know that you are caring for your mother, not hurting her or her things.

Stay calm around your mother. Focus on the positive. Ignore her when she blames you for things you didn’t do. Attempt to get her to focus on something else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister feels excluded from our family. She has her own place now quite a distance away. Simple things like going to see a movie without her will make her upset. While I can understand this, I feel that it is not always feasible to try and plan everyday activities with her when we don’t live near each other. When we go out, it is often a spur-of-the-moment decision, and with our distance, it would not make sense to invite her. How can I get my sister to see we are not purposely leaving her out? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Assure your sister of how much you and your family love her and that you miss having her around all the time. Remind her that she is the one who moved away from home -- not all of you. Be direct and tell her that you are sorry, but it is not possible or practical for you to invite her to every activity that you and your other family members do together. She lost that privilege when she moved. This may be hard for her at first, but she has to accept responsibility for her choices. Let her know that you enjoy spending time with her whenever she comes home, but you cannot revolve your family interactions around her schedule. Next time she gets perturbed because she was not part of an experience, ignore her reaction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)