DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend wants to get plastic surgery, and I am completely against it. I know it's her body and her choice, but in my opinion, voluntarily going into surgery is purposefully risking her life. I keep trying to talk her out of it, but she's strong-willed and wants to get the procedure done. Nothing is wrong with her. She just wants to be aesthetically pleasing. I am worried that something will go wrong, and I don't want to lose her. -- Anti-Plastic Surgery

DEAR ANTI-PLASTIC SURGERY: As someone who had three nonelective surgeries back-to-back when I was in elementary school, I totally understand your apprehension about elective plastic surgery. You are not wrong to be concerned. There are instances when people have had complications, including death, as a result of surgery -- think Joan Rivers and Kanye West’s mom Donda.

That said, I have spoken to a number of plastic surgeons about how they work, and I do know that the level of preparedness that is required is significant. This includes a complete patient workup to ensure that her or his body is in good enough health to undergo surgery. Though things can go wrong, it is a rare occurrence.

Stop trying to convince your friend of anything. You have already clearly expressed your opinion. It is her life. Whether or not you like her choices, she gets to make them. Instead of being doom and gloom, encourage your friend to be in optimal health so that she will be as ready for the surgery as possible. You can also encourage her to research the aftermath and recovery period expectations. That is being a good friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister puts her fiance before her kids. I am not married, so I do not want to judge a situation that I am not in, but I feel as though my nieces and nephews are being slighted. They are not getting enough attention from their mother. She often gives them up to family or finds a baby sitter in order to hang out with her man as much as she can. Even on important holidays, I find out that she is not with her kids and is instead spending time with him. This makes me so upset to see because I fear eventually this will have a negative effect on them. I don't want to blow up the situation, but I do want to help. -- Absentee Mom

DEAR ABSENTEE MOM: Do your best to get your sister to sit down alone with you. Express your concerns about her children and the family’s future. Yes, it’s great that she has found someone she loves. But remind her that if this man is to become part of the family, they need to work together to build the family unit. That means she should be creating opportunities for her fiance to interact with her and the children as well as with the children on his own. It is unlikely that the marriage will be successful if he doesn’t become part of the whole family. Otherwise, the children will suffer. Actually, everyone will.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My relationship with my mother is not good. She is much older now, but she has not lost her stubbornness. I have always been a respectful son, and I help her out whenever she needs me. However, she tends to turn on me. Most recently, she accused me of breaking something in her home and told the whole family that I am responsible for it, when this is not the case. I explained this to my mother, but once she has her mind made up, there is no convincing her otherwise. I want to pull back from this toxic relationship, but I feel this isn't the best option as my mother is older and life is short. What should I do? -- Role Reversal

DEAR ROLE REVERSAL: You are finding yourself in a situation that many grown children of aging parents experience. You now are becoming more of a caretaker than a child. With that often come myriad challenges. You have to be able to weather your mother’s stubbornness and do your best not to let her behavior get under your skin.

Talk to your family members and let them know about some of the behaviors that your mother has been exhibiting, including this new form of blame. Tell them what you have been doing to support her and how she has been reacting. Let them know that this is stressful at times, and you need their support. Most important is for them to know that you are caring for your mother, not hurting her or her things.

Stay calm around your mother. Focus on the positive. Ignore her when she blames you for things you didn’t do. Attempt to get her to focus on something else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister feels excluded from our family. She has her own place now quite a distance away. Simple things like going to see a movie without her will make her upset. While I can understand this, I feel that it is not always feasible to try and plan everyday activities with her when we don’t live near each other. When we go out, it is often a spur-of-the-moment decision, and with our distance, it would not make sense to invite her. How can I get my sister to see we are not purposely leaving her out? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Assure your sister of how much you and your family love her and that you miss having her around all the time. Remind her that she is the one who moved away from home -- not all of you. Be direct and tell her that you are sorry, but it is not possible or practical for you to invite her to every activity that you and your other family members do together. She lost that privilege when she moved. This may be hard for her at first, but she has to accept responsibility for her choices. Let her know that you enjoy spending time with her whenever she comes home, but you cannot revolve your family interactions around her schedule. Next time she gets perturbed because she was not part of an experience, ignore her reaction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying online dating for the first time. I used to be opposed to this idea -- I felt that people should meet each other naturally in person -- but that has not been working out for me so well. My past relationships started when guys approached me in person, but they all turned out to be toxic.

My outlook on dating now is that online gives me the power to choose who I want and to filter out the bad seeds. My family, however, doesn't think that this is a good option due to safety concerns. I am stuck; I am ready for the next stage in my life, but I am unsure what steps I should take. -- Online Dating

DEAR ONLINE DATING: Safety should always be a priority in life, including in dating. Meeting someone online versus while walking down the street or at a museum does not offer a measurable difference in terms of the safety factor. You must always be on the alert.

Online dating has worked for many people. You can be somewhat discerning based on what your filters are. If you describe the qualities you are looking for and what you value, hopefully you will attract like-minded suitors. When you notice someone interesting, start to communicate online, then by phone, then in person in a public place. Take your time. If you live by your values, you may find someone who lives by them as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband loves fixing things around the house, but he doesn't always do a great job. He insists that we don't need to call professional help because it will save money and he is handy enough to fix things himself. While I want to support him, I don't want him to cause any damage that could be dangerous. How can I convince him to let someone else come in and fix these issues? -- Mr. Fix-It

DEAR MR. FIX-IT: This is a tough one. Your husband’s heart is in the right place, but his abilities don’t measure up. You don’t want to emasculate him, but you do need to sort this out. You have to be honest. Point out the things that your husband is good at. Commend him for those jobs. Then point to others that you think are dangerous. In many cases, the more dangerous jobs require some kind of professional certification. Remind him that it is no indictment of him if he doesn’t have certain skills. He is great at other things, but you care for him too much to see him potentially get hurt -- or hurt someone else -- because something he wants to tackle is dangerous.

If this spills over into areas that may not be dangerous but where he has been unsuccessful in neatly finishing a job, show him what you would like to be touched up. You can ask him to fix it first. If he is unsuccessful or unwilling to complete that job, tell him you are bringing someone in to finish it. It is OK for you to put your foot down in this situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)