DEAR HARRIETTE: My relationship with my mother is not good. She is much older now, but she has not lost her stubbornness. I have always been a respectful son, and I help her out whenever she needs me. However, she tends to turn on me. Most recently, she accused me of breaking something in her home and told the whole family that I am responsible for it, when this is not the case. I explained this to my mother, but once she has her mind made up, there is no convincing her otherwise. I want to pull back from this toxic relationship, but I feel this isn't the best option as my mother is older and life is short. What should I do? -- Role Reversal

DEAR ROLE REVERSAL: You are finding yourself in a situation that many grown children of aging parents experience. You now are becoming more of a caretaker than a child. With that often come myriad challenges. You have to be able to weather your mother’s stubbornness and do your best not to let her behavior get under your skin.

Talk to your family members and let them know about some of the behaviors that your mother has been exhibiting, including this new form of blame. Tell them what you have been doing to support her and how she has been reacting. Let them know that this is stressful at times, and you need their support. Most important is for them to know that you are caring for your mother, not hurting her or her things.

Stay calm around your mother. Focus on the positive. Ignore her when she blames you for things you didn’t do. Attempt to get her to focus on something else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister feels excluded from our family. She has her own place now quite a distance away. Simple things like going to see a movie without her will make her upset. While I can understand this, I feel that it is not always feasible to try and plan everyday activities with her when we don’t live near each other. When we go out, it is often a spur-of-the-moment decision, and with our distance, it would not make sense to invite her. How can I get my sister to see we are not purposely leaving her out? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Assure your sister of how much you and your family love her and that you miss having her around all the time. Remind her that she is the one who moved away from home -- not all of you. Be direct and tell her that you are sorry, but it is not possible or practical for you to invite her to every activity that you and your other family members do together. She lost that privilege when she moved. This may be hard for her at first, but she has to accept responsibility for her choices. Let her know that you enjoy spending time with her whenever she comes home, but you cannot revolve your family interactions around her schedule. Next time she gets perturbed because she was not part of an experience, ignore her reaction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am trying online dating for the first time. I used to be opposed to this idea -- I felt that people should meet each other naturally in person -- but that has not been working out for me so well. My past relationships started when guys approached me in person, but they all turned out to be toxic.

My outlook on dating now is that online gives me the power to choose who I want and to filter out the bad seeds. My family, however, doesn't think that this is a good option due to safety concerns. I am stuck; I am ready for the next stage in my life, but I am unsure what steps I should take. -- Online Dating

DEAR ONLINE DATING: Safety should always be a priority in life, including in dating. Meeting someone online versus while walking down the street or at a museum does not offer a measurable difference in terms of the safety factor. You must always be on the alert.

Online dating has worked for many people. You can be somewhat discerning based on what your filters are. If you describe the qualities you are looking for and what you value, hopefully you will attract like-minded suitors. When you notice someone interesting, start to communicate online, then by phone, then in person in a public place. Take your time. If you live by your values, you may find someone who lives by them as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband loves fixing things around the house, but he doesn't always do a great job. He insists that we don't need to call professional help because it will save money and he is handy enough to fix things himself. While I want to support him, I don't want him to cause any damage that could be dangerous. How can I convince him to let someone else come in and fix these issues? -- Mr. Fix-It

DEAR MR. FIX-IT: This is a tough one. Your husband’s heart is in the right place, but his abilities don’t measure up. You don’t want to emasculate him, but you do need to sort this out. You have to be honest. Point out the things that your husband is good at. Commend him for those jobs. Then point to others that you think are dangerous. In many cases, the more dangerous jobs require some kind of professional certification. Remind him that it is no indictment of him if he doesn’t have certain skills. He is great at other things, but you care for him too much to see him potentially get hurt -- or hurt someone else -- because something he wants to tackle is dangerous.

If this spills over into areas that may not be dangerous but where he has been unsuccessful in neatly finishing a job, show him what you would like to be touched up. You can ask him to fix it first. If he is unsuccessful or unwilling to complete that job, tell him you are bringing someone in to finish it. It is OK for you to put your foot down in this situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Memorial Day! This is such a special day in our country. Flags are waving, and barbecue grills are fired up. Parks and yards are alive with the sounds of happiness and children playing. This day marks the start of the summer season.

But at its core, it represents so much more. Memorial Day is the day that our country remembers those who served in the armed forces and those who have passed on. Today is designed for us to take a moment and honor those people who sacrificed for our freedom. I want to invite each of you to stop and reflect: Who in your family served in the military? Who has left us and deserves to be remembered? Take a few minutes to write down what you know about that person. If you are headed to a family gathering, introduce the idea of everyone sharing memories of those who have passed on.

In my family, I remember the lives of my father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, and my uncle, Wendell G. Freeland, Esq. Both served in World War II. Both were educated men who became officers. Both were nearly court-martialed because they stood up against racism.

I once heard my father and Uncle Wendell swapping their harrowing stories. My father was on a ship headed to Okinawa, Japan. He and a fellow officer were playing bridge when lunchtime rolled around. He wanted to finish his game, so he chose to go to the officers’ mess hall to eat and continue playing. The problem was that this was in the time of segregation, and there was no colored officers’ mess hall. While my father was an officer in the United States Army, he was not allowed to enter the all-white officers’ mess. My father, a tall, dark-skinned black man, was asked to leave. When he refused, it caused a stir. He insisted he should be allowed to eat there, as he was an officer. The men under him learned of his situation, and came to his defense. Ultimately, my father stood down; he realized his actions could have created a mutiny. He believed he would be fine, but his men -- mostly uneducated -- might not fare well after the promised court martial.

Uncle Wendell, a white-presenting black man, had a similar experience. A Tuskegee Airman, his ship to Europe had docked in Hampton, Virginia. He and his fellow officers decided to integrate the officers’ club on the base. Their strategy was to go into the club two-by-two, starting with the lightest-skinned men first. It worked until the darker-skinned officers approached. When the Virginia officers realized what had happened, Uncle Wendell and his friends were all arrested and shipped off to be court-martialed with the threat of execution -- all for integrating the officer’s club! They were spared because a journalist got wind of the situation, wrote a story and drew attention to their plight.

These two men are heroes in my book for these actions -- and so many more. Despite being discriminated against, they served with honor in the military and throughout their lives. They exemplify courage and dignity. Today, I honor them.

Whom do you honor? Tell those stories to your loved ones. Reignite the memories. That’s what this day is for!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)