DEAR READERS: Happy Memorial Day! This is such a special day in our country. Flags are waving, and barbecue grills are fired up. Parks and yards are alive with the sounds of happiness and children playing. This day marks the start of the summer season.

But at its core, it represents so much more. Memorial Day is the day that our country remembers those who served in the armed forces and those who have passed on. Today is designed for us to take a moment and honor those people who sacrificed for our freedom. I want to invite each of you to stop and reflect: Who in your family served in the military? Who has left us and deserves to be remembered? Take a few minutes to write down what you know about that person. If you are headed to a family gathering, introduce the idea of everyone sharing memories of those who have passed on.

In my family, I remember the lives of my father, the Honorable Harry A. Cole, and my uncle, Wendell G. Freeland, Esq. Both served in World War II. Both were educated men who became officers. Both were nearly court-martialed because they stood up against racism.

I once heard my father and Uncle Wendell swapping their harrowing stories. My father was on a ship headed to Okinawa, Japan. He and a fellow officer were playing bridge when lunchtime rolled around. He wanted to finish his game, so he chose to go to the officers’ mess hall to eat and continue playing. The problem was that this was in the time of segregation, and there was no colored officers’ mess hall. While my father was an officer in the United States Army, he was not allowed to enter the all-white officers’ mess. My father, a tall, dark-skinned black man, was asked to leave. When he refused, it caused a stir. He insisted he should be allowed to eat there, as he was an officer. The men under him learned of his situation, and came to his defense. Ultimately, my father stood down; he realized his actions could have created a mutiny. He believed he would be fine, but his men -- mostly uneducated -- might not fare well after the promised court martial.

Uncle Wendell, a white-presenting black man, had a similar experience. A Tuskegee Airman, his ship to Europe had docked in Hampton, Virginia. He and his fellow officers decided to integrate the officers’ club on the base. Their strategy was to go into the club two-by-two, starting with the lightest-skinned men first. It worked until the darker-skinned officers approached. When the Virginia officers realized what had happened, Uncle Wendell and his friends were all arrested and shipped off to be court-martialed with the threat of execution -- all for integrating the officer’s club! They were spared because a journalist got wind of the situation, wrote a story and drew attention to their plight.

These two men are heroes in my book for these actions -- and so many more. Despite being discriminated against, they served with honor in the military and throughout their lives. They exemplify courage and dignity. Today, I honor them.

Whom do you honor? Tell those stories to your loved ones. Reignite the memories. That’s what this day is for!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to have my wedding anniversary. My husband and I have been married more than 20 years, so we are not in need of a fuss to acknowledge our anniversary. It does bother me a little, though, that my husband was asked to go away for work on our anniversary weekend. This means that we will not be together on the day or even the extended weekend that follows. Worse still, he didn’t ask me what I thought about it. He just accepted the assignment and informed me that he would not be around. We do need the money, but I still feel uncomfortable about how this was handled. What can I do? -- Missed Anniversary

DEAR MISSED ANNIVERSARY: Rather than allowing yourself to get sad or angry because your husband will be away on your actual anniversary, talk to him about planning something special either before or after he goes away. You can create a lovely activity that you both will cherish without spending much money or time. Yes, you have been together long enough to not have to create a big acknowledgment. But remember that it is a blessing and a sign of commitment to your union that you have reached this moment in your lives together. Mark it with something noteworthy that you do together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a fairly strict parent about schoolwork and social life, but I haven’t been so strict about bedtime. My daughter is now 15 years old, and she hardly ever goes to sleep before 11 p.m. The problem is that she has to wake up at 6 a.m. She is not getting enough sleep.

I have been trying to reinforce earlier sleeping hours, but I feel like it’s too late. On the weekends, she sleeps like 10 hours, but I still think she should go to bed earlier on school nights. How can I get her to do that? -- Teenage Bedtime

DEAR TEENAGE BEDTIME: It can be challenging to get a teenager to follow directions, even when they are part of the daily routine. Imposing bedtime on a teen can be a huge challenge, but it is not insurmountable. Use logic and boundaries to support your decision. Tell your daughter why you want her to go to sleep earlier -- her health and her mental well-being. Offer her incentives for the earlier bedtime, like if she goes to sleep earlier, studies longer and does better in her classes, she gets a reward. Pick something she values.

Then, to enforce the new bedtime, take away electronic devices and turn off the lights at whatever time you want your daughter to go to sleep. Make sure that there are no electronics in her room that could prove to be a distraction. You will likely need to go to sleep at the same time in order to keep your home quiet and so that your daughter knows that you mean business.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like too many people around me are getting sick. My best friend has been battling breast cancer for several years. Another close friend’s husband was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. My neighbor’s husband has metastatic prostate cancer. And that’s only the people closest to me. It is overwhelming for the ones who are sick and for their friends. I want to be a support to my friends, but I’m not sure how to do it. I am scared for them, and I don’t really know what to say. -- Supporting My Sick Friends

DEAR SUPPORTING MY SICK FRIENDS: The commitment that couples make when they marry comes to mind now -- in sickness and in health. Being a good friend to your loved ones who are fighting illness calls on that muscle that gives you the strength to stay by their side even when it’s tough. The way to be there is to be a good listener. You don’t need to try to solve any problems. Instead, just listen. Let your friends share their feelings, concerns and hopes. Resist the desire to try to solve their problems or be their doctor. Just be present in ways that make them feel supported and that don’t drain you too much.

You should also be vigilant about your own health. Be sure to get an annual complete physical, exercise regularly and eat a healthy, well-balanced diet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has worked in Hollywood for about 15 years. He had a good run getting gigs and making a little money, but it seems like his day in the sun, so to speak, has ended. I have tried to contact him just to be a friend. I still live in our hometown, but we have kept in touch over the years. I figured he could use an old friend from back in the day to be there for him, but he isn’t responding. I can’t solve his career or financial problems, but I would like to be there for him for moral support. How can I get that message to him? -- Take My Hand

DEAR TAKE MY HAND: Send your friend a note with an invitation to hang out for a long weekend. Offer to come to him or add the options of meeting someplace else or even back at home. Tell him you think it’s time for the two of you to have some good old fun. Don’t bring up his career status. Keep it light.

Follow up with a call. If he doesn’t answer, leave the same upbeat message on his voicemail letting him know you miss him and want to get together. In the end, your friend has to grasp what’s happening in his life and make the appropriate changes in order to survive. It may take him a minute to come out of his funk in order to recognize the value of your outreach. Don’t give up on him. Periodically check in to see if he is ready to re-emerge.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)