DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 23 years old, and when people ask me what I want to pursue in life, I am unsure how to give the proper answer. This confusion is not because I cannot find a passion, but because I have too many passions that come to mind. None of them really relate to the others, so I feel as though I cannot simply list them because it makes me sound scrambled.

My first passion is music. I played violin for eight consecutive years in middle and high school, and I have gained a love for music of all genres because of it. I want to perfect my skill and play professionally. I just did not choose to study that in college, so getting a job in that field is on pause. Next, I love cooking and want to open a business one day with my family recipes perfected. However, I have no real restaurant experience and no consecutive culinary arts courses under my belt. Lastly, I want to study holistic medicine and become a practitioner who can help others heal naturally. This is personal to me because my health issues were diminished thanks to holistic care, and I want to pay it forward.

Each passion requires focus and attention, and I hate having to choose to explain what I want to do in my life. Sometimes this is because I fear I will not be able to accomplish it all. -- Passionate Thinker

DEAR PASSIONATE THINKER: You have three strong ideas. Choose to develop one at a time. You may want to look for work in a restaurant so you can learn the business from the ground up. Look for restaurants that are similar to what you want to open, and apply there. In the beginning, just about any job could be OK. You should learn all positions if you want to run a successful restaurant. Meanwhile, practice your music and possibly start taking lessons again. Continue to read and do independent research on holistic care.

When you talk to others, lead with the restaurant. See if you get any traction around that. Give yourself time to build your knowledge base. You may be able to enjoy each of your interests at different stages in your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I see one friend of mine, I bring him a gift of some kind. There’s no rule about it. I just love him and always want to bring him a token of my love. The thing is, he never gives me anything. He is nice to me when we are together, but he is pretty aloof otherwise. I like the attention I get when we are engaged, but I think I am too pliable. He doesn’t have to do anything but show up. Should I stop bringing him gifts? Am I going too far? -- Selfish Friend

DEAR SELFISH FRIEND: If you are feeling taken advantage of, slow down on your giving. You cannot expect your friend to pick up your practices. You are the one who likes to shower him with gifts. But if that doesn’t make you happy anymore, stop it. You also need to acknowledge that your friend is the way he is. If you have been accepting him unconditionally, it may seem jarring to him if you suddenly change.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up religious and went to church faithfully every Sunday with my grandmother. As I grew older, I noticed that religion can and has been used to justify bad behaviors toward others. This caused me to question what I had been taught -- especially as an African American. For instance, Christianity was used to justify slavery and the killing of nonwhite people. Many Christians perpetuate an image of Jesus with blue eyes, fair skin and long hair, but I struggle with worshipping an entity that is depicted as looking like the oppressor.

I know this is a tough subject, but I also think it takes strength to not blindly follow the things we were taught as kids. I don’t want to give up my religion completely, and I still feel a spiritual connection with God. How can I balance the knowledge I gain with the faith I am supposed to have? -- Spiritual Wanderer

DEAR SPIRITUAL WANDERER: Many religions have stories that include exploitation of certain groups of people in the name of faith. Is that wrong? Absolutely. But it is common. Given what you know about your faith, should you walk away from it? Only you can make that decision.

I would recommend that you look for a denomination or a particular church where you feel resonance. Look for a pastor whose message is empowering and honest in your eyes. Continue to do your research so that you can be aware and clear about your beliefs and how they mesh with your faith.

Know that there are images of Jesus other than one with long, blond hair and blue eyes. In Catholicism, there are saints who are dark-skinned as well. Keep searching for answers to your spiritual and historic questions. A book you may enjoy is "Jesus and the Disinherited" by a formidable African American religious scholar, Howard Thurman.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a nice guy for a few months now. He is so sweet to me. He is also so different from the guy I dated for several years who was never consistently attentive. That said, this guy has limited life experience. He grew up poor and hasn’t been exposed to much. Whenever we go out, there’s something new that he doesn’t know. I mean small stuff, like how to eat a formal meal or what to wear when you have to get dressed up. I know these things shouldn't matter so much, but they do. How can I educate him about some basic things without hurting his feelings? -- Step It Up

DEAR STEP IT UP: First, you have to figure out if you value this man enough to want to share more of your world with him as you also learn about his. Don’t start coaching him unless you are in it for the long haul. If you are, be honest. Tell him you want to share some pointers with him that may be helpful as you negotiate your way in life together. Ask for his blessing to teach you. Then take it easy. Don’t inundate him with a list of his mistakes. Share the details about social graces with him over time.

Also, be sure to pay attention to what he teaches you. His lessons will likely be just as beneficial.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to work with a life coach a few years ago, and it was helpful. We stopped working together a while back, in part because I couldn’t afford to keep hiring her. She does not accept insurance, and the weekly payment was too much for me. Now that some time has passed, though, I miss working with her and getting her sound advice on things. I am thinking of contacting her again to find out if we can make an arrangement that is more manageable for me. Do you think it’s rude for me to ask for a price break or some other kind of deal? -- Discounted Coaching

DEAR DISCOUNTED COACHING: For starters, it’s great that you recognize the value of this woman’s services for your life and smart for you to try to figure out how to work with her again. Rather than asking for a discount, why not think outside the box? Do you offer any services that might be of value to her? Perhaps you can barter with her so that you both benefit. You might also ask her if you can work together once a month rather than once a week. That would keep the cost down. Let her know your thoughts. By offering a menu of options, you will be letting her know that you value her expertise and time, and you are watching your wallet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends moved back to town recently, and we have been trying to get together, but our schedules are completely different. She is an early-morning person, and I am a night owl. I have missed a couple of planned meetings simply because I didn’t wake up in time. The time that she can meet in the afternoon is smack dab in the middle of my workday. Even though I work for myself, it is tough for me to be available at that time.

I really want to spend some time with my friend, but as I have been thinking about it, I realize that the only times that we try to get together are on her terms -- when it is convenient for her. I don’t think that’s fair. I love her and want to be able to use this valuable time that we are in the same city to be together a bit, but I need her to be more flexible. -- Work With Me

DEAR WORK WITH ME: Your friend may not realize that she has been calling the shots in your relationship. Perhaps that’s the way she has always been, or could it be that she is the more active one in terms of trying to organize get-togethers with you?

Whatever the reason, you don’t need to bring up what bothers you about your getting together. Instead, become proactive. Start inviting her to do things with you at times that are convenient for you. Talk to her about your schedule. Make it clear how much you want to see her and spend some time connecting. Look at your schedule, and offer a bunch of options for seeing each other. If you both hold that intention, you will get together eventually.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)