DEAR HARRIETTE: I work from home as a freelance writer, so most of the time I live in my sweats. I was invited to a fancy party recently, and that’s when I realized how much weight I have gained. I tried on all the party dresses that I have in my closet, and nothing fit -- I mean nothing! I couldn’t zip, button, snap or close anything. I was able to cobble together an outfit, but this was a wake-up call. I didn’t realize that I had gained so much weight. I figured I was a few pounds heavier, but this is serious.

I don't feel motivated to do anything about it, because I don't plan on getting dressed up anytime soon. I know that’s an excuse, but what can I do to break out of my cycle? I spend hours in front of a computer screen. That’s how I earn a living. I’m not sure what I can do to change my schedule. -- Popping Zippers

DEAR POPPING ZIPPERS: That dressy occasion was your wake-up call to pay attention to your health. One of the pointers in many weight-loss programs is to stop wearing clothes that stretch because they can be deceiving. You can easily think you are the same size if your clothes expand with you.

You need to break up your routine. The weather is getting nice, so taking a walk is one of the easiest things you can do for yourself. A few years ago, I read a wonderful essay in The New Yorker by humorist David Sedaris about how he got obsessed with a FitBit and ended up losing a ton of weight while challenging himself to walk more as he tracked his steps on the device. That got me to go outside and walk and to get a tracker. There are even free tracker apps that you can add to your smartphone.

Consistency is key. Before you sit down to start your day at the computer, get up, go out and walk for a half hour or so. The ultimate goal is 10,000 steps per day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to be a reference for a woman who worked for me several years ago. I like her a lot, but I am reluctant to recommend her. When she worked for me, she was often late and had a chip on her shoulder. I mentored her to think differently about the way she approached work. By the end of her tenure with me she was better, but I don’t know what she has done in the ensuing years. I do know that giving a reference is important, and it reflects on my reputation as well. I don’t want to badmouth her, but I feel like I have to tell the truth. That’s why I would rather not do it. Do you think I should call her to explain my concerns? -- Bad Reference

DEAR BAD REFERENCE: Contact your former employee and tell her you want to talk before taking any further steps. Ask her about her career to date. Directly inquire about her punctuality and attitude. Express your reservations about being a reference for her because of her past with you. Listen to see how she explains herself today. If you think you have heard enough to be a solid reference, agree to talk to the hiring manager. Just make sure the candidate knows you have to tell the whole truth.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a birthday party a couple of months ago and posted some of the photos on social media. Recently, I was at an event and saw a woman I’ve known peripherally for a long time, and she wished me a happy birthday. I commented, thanks, but that was a while ago, to which she replied that she saw pictures on Facebook, so it didn’t seem that far away.

This woman was a little snippy, which made me think that she felt snubbed that she wasn’t invited to my party. While I like her, I don’t think she has ever invited me to anything. I don’t see why I should feel bad for not including her in my private celebration, nor do I feel like I should have hidden it from social media. Other people who weren’t invited liked some of the photos and made pleasant comments. Do you think I should have handled her differently? -- Outside Looking In

DEAR OUTSIDE LOOKING IN: People react in different ways to finding out about activities to which they were not invited. Exposing your experiences on social media creates an open invitation for people to know what you are doing and to react to that in different ways. In the case of this woman, what you might have done when she pointed out that she saw the birthday party photos on Facebook was to say, “Yes, we had a great time!” or something like that, which acknowledges the fact that you celebrated and enjoyed.

In the future, if you post images from events where others are not invited, you may want to add in your comments that you know not everyone could join you, but you appreciate their love and support. You have to craft it so it is specific to the event, but it’s worth considering how to make other friends feel more comfortable about not being there. You might also avoid posting a group shot that shows everyone who was there and also points out who was not there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband makes comments about my weight all the time, but in subtle ways. I catch onto it, but I am struggling to tell him that I feel he is attacking my image. He prides himself with being "real" all the time, but I think the comments are unnecessary and they hurt my feelings. This also opens the door for him to look at other people who are more fit than me. How can I nip this in the bud so that I can feel comfortable in my marriage? -- Feeling Heavy

DEAR FEELING HEAVY: Let’s start with you. What do you need to do for your own health and well-being? If that includes losing weight, make that a priority. Get a physical and work with your doctor to create an eating and exercise plan that will help you to reach measurable goals.

Tell your husband that you need his support instead of his ongoing commentary about your weight. Admit that you are struggling to manage your weight and what you need most is his support. Tell him that right now it feels more like he is disparaging about your looks, and that it hurts your feelings. Ask him to support you by being a cheerleader rather than a naysayer.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 6-year-old nephew and 2-year-old niece who live far away from me. This makes it difficult to establish that traditional relationship that aunts have with their siblings' children.

I try my best to Skype them at least once a month and have gone to visit them a few times since they were born. However, I feel a disconnect with the kids. The older they get, the more unwilling and uncomfortable they are to talk and communicate with me. I am having trouble understanding where this disconnect is coming from, when I try my best to communicate with them often. I know that they are only kids, but it hurts my feelings. How should I bring this situation to my brother and his wife without sounding overly sensitive? -- Distant Auntie

DEAR DISTANT AUNTIE: You should talk to your brother and his wife and let them know how important it is to you that you build a meaningful bond with their children. Ask for their support in making that happen. If they create anticipation around your monthly calls, this may inspire their children to get excited. They are still very young, so their attention spans are short. Think about how you want to engage them when you get them on Skype. Can you share a short story about an experience they might be interested in? It could be about pets, nature or some other topic of mutual interest.

If you are able, talk to their parents about inviting them to spend a week or weekend with you once a year. Establishing a relationship with them on your turf may help to foster a special bond with them. Finally, be patient. They are young. If you remain persistent, something will blossom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who always tells me a negative or mean comment that an acquaintance has said about me. This friend explains that honesty is key, which is the reason they relay certain comments back to me. However, I believe that there is a time and place for everything, and hearing negativity come back to me from a person I care about does not feel good. Sometimes I question if this is a true friend and wonder if he sticks up for me when comments are being said. How should I handle this? -- Always Negative

DEAR ALWAYS NEGATIVE: It is time for a cease-and-desist conversation with your friend. Tell him that while you understand his position about always being honest, you do not appreciate his constant relaying of negative commentary about you. Ask him directly if he ever defends you when people speak badly about you to him. Listen carefully for the answer.

Admit that you are not perfect, as no one is. Add that you are generally open for constructive criticism, but you are beginning to wonder about his motives. He is the one who consistently brings you critical commentary from a range of people. Ask him what his motives are. Be frank with him. Tell him that the way he is acting doesn’t make you feel like he’s being much of a friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)