DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has an issue of saying the wrong things at the wrong time. He does not have a filter, and he often comes off as offensive when he speaks. Specifically, he does this with my siblings and me.

All three of us have been having a hard time finding good jobs and getting on our feet. My twin and I have been out of college for a few months. Our brother has been out of school for a little more than a year, and it’s rough right now. I am beginning to doubt myself, and it doesn’t help how my father talks about us.

When my dad talks with others, he will tell them of our failures in life instead of accomplishments, almost as if he is bashing us. This makes me feel as though he is spreading his true feelings of disappointment with where we are in life with anyone who will listen. How can I get my dad to stop talking bad about us? -- Stop Bad-Mouthing Us

DEAR STOP BAD-MOUTHING US: Consult your siblings to learn if they would like to join you in talking to your father. Either with them or independently, sit down with your father and tell him that you are struggling to find work -- even though you are trying really hard to find a job. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he talks badly about you and your siblings to other people. Admit that you are not feeling very confident right now and ask if he knows anyone who may be looking to hire. Tell him that you need him to spread good news about you and your siblings as that may attract the right opportunity for you. Point out that if he keeps telling people about your shortcomings, it will not help you to succeed. Ask him to support you by singing your praises -- or at least not spreading bad news about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A family friend who used to spend lots of time with us basically disappeared a few years ago. Whenever we have invited her to come over, she has made some excuse and hasn’t shown up. We finally got to see her this Easter.

I had a moment when just the two of us were in the kitchen talking, and I asked her what happened. At first, she didn’t want to tell me, but then she said that my mother had said something hurtful to her, basically accusing her of being a taker when in reality she had been the generous one in the situation that was in question. She said she felt judged and hurt, so she walked away. I asked her if she would be able to forgive my mother, who is elderly and sometimes says the wrong thing. I told her how much we miss her and love her and want her to be part of the family again. Do you think I should tell my mother what happened? Should the rest of the family be told the truth? -- Welcome Back

DEAR WELCOME BACK: It’s probably smart to tell key family members what happened so that they are sensitive to your friend if she does decide to come back into the fold. Tell your mother only if you think she will understand and be able to apologize. If she is at the age and state of mind that it may not sink in, let her be. Just do your best to make the family friend feel comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I walked in on my teenage son masturbating while looking at porn online. I’m not a prude, but I have to tell you -- this bothered me. I know kids (and others) do this, but I’m worried that his porn habits will catch up with him. Will it blemish his chances of getting into college if somebody knows he is looking at that? He got his computer from his school. I don’t know if it’s part of a system that keeps track of downloads or page views. I don’t know how any of that works. I am worried that my son may have exposed himself to criticism by doing this. -- Risks of Porn

DEAR RISKS OF PORN: You make a smart point. If your son’s computer is a loaner from his school, he should not be using it to look up any questionable material, including pornography. Feel free to tell him that. Do not admonish him for masturbating. That’s a common occurrence for teens. You can point out that discretion is essential, and that means that he should stop watching porn on the school computer, scrub it of any residual files that may be on it and never do that again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has a business that’s part of a multilevel marketing company. She sells clothing and accessories and is always encouraging me and others to make purchases each season. I often buy an item from her because I want to be supportive. But over the years, I've realized that I am building a closet of clothing that I don’t wear because it’s not really my style. I don’t want to buy anything else, but I feel bad if I don’t. She expects her friends to support her business even though she does not necessarily buy from me every month. I have stuff that I sell, too. How can I get out of my seasonal purchase without offending her? -- Pause for the Cause

DEAR PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE: It may feel awkward at first, but you do not have to make a seasonal purchase. Buy when you are truly interested. If your friend presses you about making a purchase, tell her the truth: Your closet is brimming with clothes she has sold you that you do not wear. You are taking a hiatus from shopping right now. Hope she understands!

You do not need to mention that she doesn’t reciprocate the swapping of dollars between you by spending money on your wares. This is not a tit-for-tat. Just be honest, and even if it hurts her feelings a bit, she will have to understand. Her job as a salesperson is to continue to grow her market so that she doesn’t have to rely on a few customers who buy every season. That way, if any of them can't make a purchase, she is still growing her business.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought that my daughter and I had a great, open relationship where she talked to me about if not everything, most things. We have clear rules about what she can and cannot do, and there are checks and balances to ensure that she is following directions. With that, I have given her a lot more freedom since she is in high school and learning how to become independent.

Well, I just learned that she has been lying to me about how she spends some of her after-school time. It all just came to a head because she was in the middle of a potentially dangerous situation between another teenager and his absentee dad. I had no idea that any of this was going on.

I want my daughter to continue to learn how to figure out life for herself, but there must be consequences for her lying. If I can’t trust that she is telling me the truth about where she is and what she is doing, I have to limit her extracurricular activity. I’m not sure how to do that, though, since both my husband and I work. Any ideas? -- Protecting My Child

DEAR PROTECTING MY CHILD: First, let your daughter know the severity of her lying to you and how it put her in a dangerous situation. Make sure she understands that she made bad decisions when she did not communicate clearly with you or follow the agreed-upon guidelines. Next, put an app on her phone and yours that will track her, and require that she keep it on. Popular apps like this are Life360 and FindFriends. I’m sure there are others.

Enroll her in organized, supervised after-school activities. This is why having a sport or a musical instrument or some other engagement multiple times per week after school is popular -- it keeps teens occupied while under adult supervision.

For right now, ground your daughter for lying. Make it clear that lying is unacceptable. If she continues to lie, she will lose the privilege of hanging out with her friends after school and on weekends. To supervise that, you may need to hire a “baby sitter” for a while. She will hate that, but having someone to watch her for the few hours before you get home from work may be required.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I both have full-time jobs. I usually get home before he does, and I start dinner for the both of us. When he gets home before me, he does not make us anything. I feel like this is because he expects the woman to cook. I am not OK with this, and I feel unappreciated. How should I approach him with my concerns? -- Shared Household Chores

DEAR SHARED HOUSEHOLD CHORES: You may have created the expectation that you would always cook without realizing it. Talk to your husband. Tell him how much you would appreciate him making dinner sometimes, especially when you are running late. To the extent that you can plan this out in advance, it may help him to wrap his mind around the concept that this a new expectation for him. When you know you will be late, talk to him that morning and ask him to prepare dinner that day. Inform him of what there is to prepare. Perhaps this will get him thinking and acting with your well-being in mind.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)