DEAR HARRIETTE: We have several gender stereotypes and expectations in our society. Specifically, men are viewed as the ones who are supposed to chase and approach women. They are also supposed to be the ones to propose marriage. This causes many women -- like myself -- to miss out on opportunities and relationships. We do not take the chance or make the first move on men. Do you feel that times should progress into a more gender-neutral society, or should these gender roles remain traditional? -- Changing Expectations

DEAR CHANGING EXPECTATIONS: Depending upon who you talk to, expectations have already changed dramatically for many people. And yet, some of the so-called classic behaviors remain desirable for some people. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to invite a man out if you are interested in him. It is OK for you to approach someone you like. What happens too often is that the nice guys who are sometimes shy and not as forthcoming as the more experienced guys do not make moves at all. And then, sadly, some people never get a chance to connect. For initial interactions, then, I think it is OK for either women or men to “make the first move” and express interest.

When it comes to asking to get married, ideally both parties have a good sense that they are ready. The idea of getting married should come because both partners have come to be close to each other and are choosing each other for the long haul. Having mutual love and respect should lead to the next step -- marriage. While it is romantic and old-school to entertain the idea of a man swooping in to ask your father for your hand in marriage before asking you, it is also perfectly fine for you to present your own invitation to your beloved. Making a commitment that includes marrying the family -- because you really do -- is what’s most important.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small consulting firm, and I am working to build my clientele. One of my new clients is nice but difficult. He is always late for meetings or reschedules at the last minute. I don’t want to walk away from this client, but I can’t afford to sit around and not accept other work only for him to cancel at a moment’s notice. I’m nervous about charging a kill fee or full fee for a no-show, but I’m not sure what else to do. -- Value My Time

DEAR VALUE MY TIME: You should make guidelines for your clients that explain your terms for no-shows or late-comers. If you have a standard policy that you follow, no client should take it personally when you charge them for time that they have squandered. While you may feel nervous about losing this client, you will need to assess whether it’s actually worth it for you to keep him if he is so unreliable that it’s costing you money.

Since you have not previously instituted a kill fee, you can let him know that moving forward you will now be instituting this fee, and you hope he understands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to start a business selling body-care products. I have already made some creams and lotions and tested them at street fairs in my neighborhood.

I want to take it to the next level, and I understand that networking is essential. What are some ways that I can start meeting new people and getting my products out there? -- Becoming an Entrepreneur

DEAR BECOMING AN ENTREPRENEUR: Testing the market is good, and that’s what you have been doing in your neighborhood. You should know that many small businesses start in that way. In fact, the beauty company Carol’s Daughter was started by Lisa Price more than 20 years ago in her kitchen. She built her brand by first selling at street fairs and slowly making her way into stores. Ultimately, she got investors and sold to L’Oreal. The goal of an entrepreneur who gets financial backing is to sell and turn a profit. It happened for her, and, if you work hard and have a wise strategy, it may happen for you, too.

What can you do to get further along your path? First, make sure that your product line is replicable and unique. There are many beauty products on the market. Why do you think people should choose yours over the others that are already out there? You need to be able to answer that question clearly.

In terms of networking, join your local chamber of commerce. Contact the local office of the Small Business Administration to see what support is available for you as you grow. Find online sites where you can promote your product. Go to community board meetings and introduce yourself to local government and business leaders. Identify community bulletin boards online and elsewhere, and post dates and locations for your sales. As summer is approaching, sign up to sell your products at as many local fairs as possible. This is a smart first step for raising awareness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old niece is becoming more mature and is very smart and aware of her actions. She does not always listen and chooses to do wrong things for attention. Discipline is essential for young kids, but how much is too far? Do you believe we should spank our kids, or should we simply talk it out with them? My sister keeps asking me what I think she should do, but I don’t have kids. -- Theories of Discipline

DEAR THEORIES OF DISCIPLINE: Though I grew up with the occasional spanking, I am not a believer in that form of discipline. This is primarily because I do not think that violence begets positive behavior. Instead, it inspires fear, anger and disillusionment.

Sometimes “talking it out” doesn’t work, either. I recommend that a child who is not listening well and is misbehaving should have privileges taken away. Often that means no electronics, no TV, no video games, etc. It could mean using a timeout, where a child has to be quiet and isolated for a set period. With a child as young as 4, five minutes is often long enough for a child to have to be quiet.

Your sister needs to develop a consistent strategy. If her daughter behaves in a manner that is inappropriate and belligerent, she needs to be reprimanded and then shown that there are consequences to her actions. If there are consistent consequences to bad behavior, she will learn to stop doing those things.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a new voter, but already I feel like it doesn’t really matter whether or not I vote. I have been paying attention to what’s going on in our country, and it’s not good at all. The political climate is in terrible shape. I believe that regardless of who votes for what, the government will ultimately decide on how the country is run. I wanted to get your opinion on this matter and ask if you believe voting makes a difference. -- Apathetic

DEAR APATHETIC: You are not wrong when you say that the political climate of our country is poor and that the government decides how the country is run. What you may not realize is that the government is made up of elected officials and appointees.

Those who are elected have a direct relationship to the voter, and that includes you. While our democratic system is flawed, what is important to know is that it is designed to function with the voter in mind. Your individual vote and your voice can make a difference.

I recommend that you study the issues that are most pressing for you. Do additional research to find out what organizations are working to bring light to those topics. You may want to get involved with an activist group that is working on behalf of the things that you care about the most. The more deeply you engage in the political process, the greater chance you have of making an impact on our country.

Know that being apathetic and disengaged is not helpful. Too many people are armchair critics who complain about what they don’t like about our country without taking the time or effort to make a difference. You matter. Make your voice and vote count!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt has been in an unhealthy relationship for 12 years. She keeps making excuses for her husband's actions, but I know that the relationship is breaking her spirit. How can my family convince her to finally leave and start a new life? -- Rescuing My Aunt

DEAR RESCUING MY AUNT: You cannot control your aunt’s actions. As an adult, she has the right to stay in a bad relationship -- even if you disagree.

What you can do is to talk to her about her dreams and desires for her life. Don’t complain about her husband. Instead, encourage her to think about her future. What does she need to do to reach her goals? By encouraging her to consider her own interests and work toward them, you create space for her to dream.

If you see an opening to talk about her relationship, you may take the approach of giving examples. I know a woman who was in an emotionally abusive relationship who plotted a course that took several years to complete. While having a full-time job and rearing a child, she went back to school, got an advanced degree and ultimately secured a higher wage. With more financial independence, she eventually was able to leave her marriage without too much financial hardship. Another person I know asked her parents if she could move back home temporarily until she got on her feet. It took years for her to drum up the courage to walk away, but the safe haven of home helped her to make a smooth transition.

Think of stories that you know that may help your aunt see options for herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)