life

New Voter Already Feeling Like Vote Doesn't Count

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a new voter, but already I feel like it doesn’t really matter whether or not I vote. I have been paying attention to what’s going on in our country, and it’s not good at all. The political climate is in terrible shape. I believe that regardless of who votes for what, the government will ultimately decide on how the country is run. I wanted to get your opinion on this matter and ask if you believe voting makes a difference. -- Apathetic

DEAR APATHETIC: You are not wrong when you say that the political climate of our country is poor and that the government decides how the country is run. What you may not realize is that the government is made up of elected officials and appointees.

Those who are elected have a direct relationship to the voter, and that includes you. While our democratic system is flawed, what is important to know is that it is designed to function with the voter in mind. Your individual vote and your voice can make a difference.

I recommend that you study the issues that are most pressing for you. Do additional research to find out what organizations are working to bring light to those topics. You may want to get involved with an activist group that is working on behalf of the things that you care about the most. The more deeply you engage in the political process, the greater chance you have of making an impact on our country.

Know that being apathetic and disengaged is not helpful. Too many people are armchair critics who complain about what they don’t like about our country without taking the time or effort to make a difference. You matter. Make your voice and vote count!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 25, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt has been in an unhealthy relationship for 12 years. She keeps making excuses for her husband's actions, but I know that the relationship is breaking her spirit. How can my family convince her to finally leave and start a new life? -- Rescuing My Aunt

DEAR RESCUING MY AUNT: You cannot control your aunt’s actions. As an adult, she has the right to stay in a bad relationship -- even if you disagree.

What you can do is to talk to her about her dreams and desires for her life. Don’t complain about her husband. Instead, encourage her to think about her future. What does she need to do to reach her goals? By encouraging her to consider her own interests and work toward them, you create space for her to dream.

If you see an opening to talk about her relationship, you may take the approach of giving examples. I know a woman who was in an emotionally abusive relationship who plotted a course that took several years to complete. While having a full-time job and rearing a child, she went back to school, got an advanced degree and ultimately secured a higher wage. With more financial independence, she eventually was able to leave her marriage without too much financial hardship. Another person I know asked her parents if she could move back home temporarily until she got on her feet. It took years for her to drum up the courage to walk away, but the safe haven of home helped her to make a smooth transition.

Think of stories that you know that may help your aunt see options for herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Brother Neglects Responsibilities of Dog Ownership

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 24th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I live together in a two-apartment house. I like our arrangement. Even though we are both adults, we are young, and it feels safer having him around. He has a dog -- a puppy, really -- that he got about a year ago. Because my brother is still in school and working, he is not often home when it’s time to walk the dog, so I have become the default walker. I walk the dog when I get home from work. He often sleeps in my apartment because my brother gets home late. In those instances, I walk him before bed, too.

I love the dog, so I don’t really mind. But recently I learned that there have been some robberies in the neighborhood. I’m worried about walking the dog at night. What can I do? My brother has left the responsibility up to me. -- Walking the Dog

DEAR WALKING THE DOG: You need to talk to your brother and explain the situation. Remind him that this is his dog, after all, but now that there is a safety concern, you feel uncomfortable walking the dog at night. Tell him you need him to step up and figure out how he can be a more active participant in caring for his dog.

For the nights when he isn’t at home and the dog needs to relieve itself, use a long leash that allows the dog to walk around just outside your door without the need for you to go on an actual walk. This isn’t ideal, but is should keep you safer.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 24, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 24th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I reconnected with a college friend whom I really love and was close to back in the day. We used to talk and get together all the time for years, but time passed and life got in the way, I guess. Anyhow, now it’s rare if we connect in any given year.

It was so nice to talk to my friend. I want to do better. We are getting up in age, and I would hate to be in a situation where something bad happens and we don’t even know because we lost touch. Do I say all of that to her, or just make it easy and stay in closer touch? -- Rekindling Friendship

DEAR REKINDLING FRIENDSHIP: Why not go for the heart-to-heart truth? Tell your friend how much you miss your bond from years back. As a maturing person, you have a greater appreciation for the people who have been important in your life over the years. Express your desire to stay more closely connected to her. If she agrees, set reminders for yourself. I love smartphone calendars for that reason. You can put a reminder in there for every quarter so that you don’t let too much time go by. At that reminder mark, contact your friend and invite her to do something together. You both may find this reconnection to be pleasant and important at this stage in your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Online Education Has Its Pros and Cons

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go back to get my master's degree, and I am debating whether to physically go to a campus or to take classes online. I am hesitant about the online classes because I feel it would be much easier to procrastinate. However, it would give me more flexibility with other obligations I need to take care of. What are your views on achieving degrees online? -- Back to School

DEAR BACK TO SCHOOL: Obviously there are pros and cons about traditional education and online offerings. You should make a list of your goals, objectives, strengths and weaknesses. Then match your list to the pluses and minuses of each style of education.

What I can tell you from people who have received online degrees is that they have said they do have to actively be responsible and manage deadlines. But the same can be true for those going to campus. In grad school, your professors are rarely going to monitor your progress to ensure that you get everything done. There is a lot of time in both instances when you have to be proactive in order to complete your work.

If you decide to give online education a chance, get yourself organized by creating daily lists of responsibilities, and check them off as you go. Build in leisure time so that you don’t feel like you are depriving yourself of downtime, which you will probably take anyway. Monitor your actions and see how you do. It really is up to you to decide you will be successful and take the steps to make it so.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for April 23, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am due for some much-needed change. I have been thinking about finally giving my hair the big chop, but I am a little hesitant. Harriette, as a woman who rocks short hair, are there any tips you have on how you maintain it and what you needed to do to prepare for cutting it? -- Contemplating a Haircut

DEAR CONTEMPLATING A HAIRCUT: The first time I dramatically cut my hair was in reaction to a friendship gone wrong, and I needed to make a break. That took the form of shorter hair. Since then, I have kept my hair fairly short. The most important factors for me have been styling and products. The good news these days is that there are so many products on the market for every texture of hair. You have to figure out what’s best for you.

A downside of short hair is that you can’t pull it back into a ponytail. Some people with longer hair never want to cut their hair shorter than ponytail-length. Look at some pictures of yourself with different styles and at others in magazines, online, etc. Figure out the look you like the most, and try it. One thing about hair is that it usually grows back, so experiment a little!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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