DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a hard time reconciling the fact that I used to be thin and physically attractive as a younger woman with how I look now. Today, in my 50s, I am much bigger. Yes, I dress well, but I’m definitely not thin anymore. My doctor recently told me that I am obese! I do work out and am trying to get myself in a better position, but I can’t seem to stop talking about the way it was. My daughter tells me that I am always saying that I used to look just like she looks now. She tells me I say it too much. I don’t mean to live in the past, but I guess I miss it now that it is gone. How can I accept who I am today, appreciate my past and work to get healthy? -- Waxing Nostalgic

DEAR WAXING NOSTALGIC: Come up with a nutrition and fitness goal -- with your doctor -- that is realistic and healthy. If you have been diagnosed as obese, you have work to do in order to be healthy for your daughter. Make that a priority. You do not need to have the goal of being the size you were many years ago. Instead, create a goal that is reachable. Get a referral to a nutritionist if you want another layer of help. Set time targets for your progress that will help you to stay on course. Rather than living in the past, celebrate your daughter for where she is, and honor yourself for where you are and where you are headed.

Also, teach your daughter what she can do to stay healthy. The fact that she looks like you did years ago does not mean that in years to come she has to look like you do now. If you are at an unhealthy weight, make it clear to your daughter through your words and deeds that you intend to correct that. If she stays the course from now on, she may avoid obesity altogether.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got tagged on social media by a friend from college; I was surprised to see a photo from one of those throwback Thursday posts of a group of us from our college days, more than 20 years ago. One photo featured me and my ex-husband. He and I divorced on horrible terms. Even though it has been a long time, I can’t imagine that he would appreciate this posting. Should I say something to the woman who posted it? I think she should take down the photo. -- Social Media Privacy

DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA PRIVACY: By all means, contact your college friend and ask her to remove the post in question. Don’t take it any further. You do not need to contact your ex to let him know it happened or that it is resolved. Resist the temptation to draw any more attention to him. Let your complete separation be enough for you to know that he does not need or expect you to reach out to him. By getting the post removed immediately, you reduce the amount of vulnerability that this has created.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can you tell if someone is telling the truth?

I am in a relationship where I believe my boyfriend is continually lying to me about everything, including dumb stuff. He denies that he is lying every time I question him. As I consider whether he is telling me the truth, I wonder if I am losing my mind. For instance, he'll say he’s going to meet me, but he doesn’t show up and doesn’t call; I can’t believe that there is always a family crisis. After a while, I feel like he’s blowing me off. That’s when he goes in hard, telling me that I don’t trust him and I should be more thoughtful because he is going through a lot. I can’t see what he’s going through, though. It seems like smoke and mirrors. Every now and then, he will trot out somebody who corroborates his story, which makes me question my instincts.

I’m not sure what to do. I can’t prove my suspicions, but I don’t feel like I can trust him now, which is a major problem. -- Regaining Trust

DEAR REGAINING TRUST: Ask yourself what type of relationship you want and deserve. Does it feature doubt, mistrust, disappearances and random proof of corroboration? Seriously, think about what you have been accepting. Is this what you want for your life? If not, stop accepting it. Whether or not he is telling the truth, if you feel uncomfortable, shaken and lied to, that counts for something.

You need to decide what quality of life you want to experience. Then evaluate whether your boyfriend is living up to your baseline for that life. If not, you don’t need to have proof of anything other than what you already know -- he does not live up to your standards. Then you have to muster the courage to walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building with fairly thin walls. My next-door neighbor is a single mom with two young children. I have noticed recently that she seems to leave them home when she goes to the store or wherever. I have heard them crying sometimes, and it bothers me. I don’t want my neighbor to get in trouble, but I am worried about her children. I would be willing to watch them on occasion, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds or get in too deep. I think it’s kinder to try to support her than to report her, though. Do you think I should offer to baby-sit sometimes and see how it goes? -- Being the Village

DEAR BEING THE VILLAGE: I like your supportive attitude and clarity about what you are able and willing to do. Speak to your neighbor, tell her that you are concerned about her children and offer to help in the specific ways that you can. Ask her if it will help for you to watch her children when she has to go to the store for an hour. Let her know the exact times you are availabile. If she’s willing, try it out. Watch her kids and see if she comes home in a timely manner.

If your neighbor is appreciative and mindful of time, keep it up. If she is irresponsible with time, let her know that she needs to get other support for her children so that she doesn’t leave them at home alone. Otherwise, you will have to report her to the authorities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was afraid to engage in any type of sexual intimacy when I was a teenager. My parents would have killed me. We were taught that we were supposed to wait until marriage. While I didn’t last that long, I was in college before I did anything serious, and I regret it. The circumstances around losing my virginity really weren’t good enough for me to give it up.

My daughter, who is in the ninth grade, recently told me that many of her friends are already sexually active. She hasn’t done anything yet, she says, and I believe her. But she added that she feels confident that she will have sex before she finishes high school. What can I say to her to get her to slow down? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: It is true that for many of us, fear and shame were used by our parents and communities to attempt to keep us, with our raging teenage hormones, from engaging in sexual activity. This tactic is not as welcome these days, nor do I think it is helpful.

Your job, in my view, is to instill values in your daughter that will help to guide her steps. Rather than spouting judgment, fill her mind and heart with your beliefs on the sanctity of one’s temple and how important it is for her to treat it, her body, with respect. Suggest that she should not give herself to anyone sexually before the person deserves to cross that boundary. Tell her that a sexual partner should be someone she loves and respects and who loves and respects her. It should be someone with whom she shares values and interests. She should avoid intimacy with casual partners. Point out, too, that high school students rarely have figured out anything about their lives, including their understanding of intimacy. Waiting is worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an office phone and a cellphone that I use increasingly for business. I have had my office number for years, but I realize that almost all of the calls that I receive are robocalls or other solicitations.

I don’t want to keep my landline. It is expensive and I hardly ever use it, but I worry that I might lose clients. What do you think I should do? -- Lose the Landline

DEAR LOSE THE LANDLINE: The trend these days is for people to use their cellphones for everything. It is true that you could lose some clients and potential connections if you shut down the number that you have had for so long. If you are connected via social media, though, you have a chance to build a profile that can potentially reach more broadly than your landline ever did. You can also list yourself in industry directories and add your email address and cellphone number. Reach out to your contacts and let them know your go-to number now. If you do an active outreach campaign, you can inform most of your contacts and reduce your overall monthly outlay of cash.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)