DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who constantly refers people to me for advice. He calls and expects me to drop everything and support these people. I do my best to be of help; usually they are good people. But my friend does not return the favor. When I contact him -- even if it’s just to catch up -- I usually get his voicemail, and often it takes him days or weeks to respond. How can I get him to be more immediately responsive? He expects that of me, but doesn’t offer it in return. -- Not a Priority

DEAR NOT A PRIORITY: Stop replying immediately when this friend calls you for help. The way that you may get him to notice his own behavior is if you start acting like him. Don’t be so quick to pick up the phone and do whatever he asks. Live your life, and focus on what you need to be doing for yourself, your family and your loved ones who are more attentive.

When your friend inquires as to where you have been and what you are doing, tell him that you have been busy. If you are up for it, reveal your disappointment at his behavior. Remind him that you consistently respond to him in a timely manner when he contacts you, but that he responds intermittently at best. State that it hurts your feelings when he neglects you while at the same time he expects you to keep him top of mind and respond immediately.

Next, put your money where your mouth is. Allow yourself to put him on a lower priority rung in your life so that you don’t react so swiftly to him. You have to decide that you can and will do this. Otherwise, you will end up disappointed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been getting all A’s in school, and we are proud of him. Last week, he texted me to say that he had failed a quiz. We were all shocked, including him. When we talked about it, we realized that he had been busy the weekend before and hadn’t applied himself the way he should have. I’m sure he didn’t imagine that he would fail his quiz, but it was a wake-up call. What can I do to reinforce that he has to manage school and fun better? I want him to have a well-balanced life, but failure is not an option. -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: As hard as it seems today, this failing grade may be the best wake-up call for your son. First, he sees for sure that he isn’t automatically a straight-A student. He has to work hard to keep up his grades. Second, since he can see the direct result of too much play, he now knows that he cannot do that again without risking failing again. Your job is to help him make smarter decisions. Allow him to have fun with his friends after he has completed his studies, whatever they are.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman who used to be a close friend just informed me that she is writing a tell-all memoir about her life, and she plans to include me in it. There is no scandalous story about the two of us that I know of, but she and I were close for a long time, and she knows a lot of my backstory. Like most people, there are plenty of things that I would rather not see the light of day, certainly not in somebody’s book.

I want to put a stop to this before she gets going. This woman can be evil, and she has turned on most of her friends over the years. As soon as she does that, she talks about them like they were dogs, even if seemingly moments before they were tight. I have heard from two other former friends that she has threatened to expose their secrets as well. In some instances, what she is threatening is false, but often some part of it is true. Is there anything we can do to stop her? -- Exposed

DEAR EXPOSED: According to Cornell University, “Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person's reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession." From this perspective, you would think you have the right to sue this woman for potentially damaging your reputation, if she proceeds to publish negative things about you. The caveat is that to file suit against someone for libel, you do need to be able to prove that what the person is saying or publishing is false. If the statements that this woman makes about you or others are accurate, you do not have a case -- even if what she is saying is horrible.

Still, you may want to team up with the other people and talk to an attorney. Perhaps someone representing the lot of you can go to this woman and appeal to her, making it clear that you will sue if she proceeds. You can sue whether you will likely win or lose.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost a lot of weight and was thinking that I should give away some of my clothes that are too big. I’m worried, though, because my weight tends to fluctuate. I have been working hard to lose, but what if I gain back those 20-odd pounds? I don’t want to have to buy more clothes later. My house is getting crowded by different sizes of clothing at this point. Should I chuck them and do my best to keep my weight down? I don’t know what to do. -- Not My Size

DEAR NOT MY SIZE: If you are serious about weight loss and want to raise the stakes, get rid of most, if not all, of your old clothes. Then, if you feel yourself gaining back some of the weight, immediately refresh your fitness and eating plan so that you stay the course. Make it difficult for yourself to have anything to wear if you get larger by giving away almost everything. This will help to clear out your closets and eliminate the fallback that you have relied on over the years. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big party last week, and lots of friends came. We had a wonderful time. It is my practice to sit down and chat with a couple of people after big events and experiences just to talk about everything and remember the highlights of the night.

My friend who I wanted to talk to the most about the party has virtually disappeared. He does that, so I’m not worried about him, but I am disappointed. He knew how important this event was for me, and I expected him to be a little less selfish and more thoughtful. The debrief afterward is something we do together. I know I have to get over it, but how can I let him know that his absence hurt my feelings? -- The Debrief

DEAR THE DEBRIEF: Hopefully you have other friends who did the debrief with you so that you didn’t feel totally disconnected in the aftermath of your event. As far as this guy goes, tell him directly that it hurt your feelings that he didn’t complete your practice of talking about the event afterwards. But know that if this is his M.O., you may just have to accept that he will not be the one you can count on for that part of the experience.

It is important to accept what you know about people. Sometimes we make the mistake of superimposing our wishes onto others and then get our feelings hurt when they disappoint us. Don’t get caught up in that trap, or you will always end up disappointed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets drunk at least once a week, and he becomes belligerent and loud. It’s so disgusting to me. We live in an apartment building with thin walls, and I know the neighbors hear him when he gets loud and aggressive. He has never hurt me, but he gets pushy and kind of nasty in his language. He always wants to have sex when he’s drunk, and I definitely don’t want to do that. So we reach a standoff. It’s messy. How can I get him to understand that when he gets like that, it is a complete turnoff? -- Drunk Husband

DEAR DRUNK HUSBAND: When your husband is sober, get him to sit down and talk to you. Be courageous during this conversation. Tell him how it makes you feel when he gets drunk, loud and aggressive. Point out that it’s bad enough that you feel uncomfortable, but it’s worse because the neighbors can hear him. Ask him to curb his drinking.

Make it clear to your husband that you will not ever want to have sex with him when he is in that condition. Suggest that when he is sober and aware of himself, it is much easier for the two of you to enjoy each other’s company, including intimacy. If you can make it clear to him that the chance for that physical closeness that he wants is there if he can stop drinking, it may prove to be incentive for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)