DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big party last week, and lots of friends came. We had a wonderful time. It is my practice to sit down and chat with a couple of people after big events and experiences just to talk about everything and remember the highlights of the night.

My friend who I wanted to talk to the most about the party has virtually disappeared. He does that, so I’m not worried about him, but I am disappointed. He knew how important this event was for me, and I expected him to be a little less selfish and more thoughtful. The debrief afterward is something we do together. I know I have to get over it, but how can I let him know that his absence hurt my feelings? -- The Debrief

DEAR THE DEBRIEF: Hopefully you have other friends who did the debrief with you so that you didn’t feel totally disconnected in the aftermath of your event. As far as this guy goes, tell him directly that it hurt your feelings that he didn’t complete your practice of talking about the event afterwards. But know that if this is his M.O., you may just have to accept that he will not be the one you can count on for that part of the experience.

It is important to accept what you know about people. Sometimes we make the mistake of superimposing our wishes onto others and then get our feelings hurt when they disappoint us. Don’t get caught up in that trap, or you will always end up disappointed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets drunk at least once a week, and he becomes belligerent and loud. It’s so disgusting to me. We live in an apartment building with thin walls, and I know the neighbors hear him when he gets loud and aggressive. He has never hurt me, but he gets pushy and kind of nasty in his language. He always wants to have sex when he’s drunk, and I definitely don’t want to do that. So we reach a standoff. It’s messy. How can I get him to understand that when he gets like that, it is a complete turnoff? -- Drunk Husband

DEAR DRUNK HUSBAND: When your husband is sober, get him to sit down and talk to you. Be courageous during this conversation. Tell him how it makes you feel when he gets drunk, loud and aggressive. Point out that it’s bad enough that you feel uncomfortable, but it’s worse because the neighbors can hear him. Ask him to curb his drinking.

Make it clear to your husband that you will not ever want to have sex with him when he is in that condition. Suggest that when he is sober and aware of himself, it is much easier for the two of you to enjoy each other’s company, including intimacy. If you can make it clear to him that the chance for that physical closeness that he wants is there if he can stop drinking, it may prove to be incentive for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned about Wendy Williams living in a sober living facility, and it shook me. I don’t know her or anything, but I do know that she has been open about her past drug use. I thought that was behind her by a dozen or more years. She even started a charity to help people climb out of addiction.

It worries me that even if you have money and knowledge about the perils of addiction, you can still succumb to it. I used to use Wendy as an example for my niece who has struggled with drug addiction; I'd point out that Wendy pulled herself out of a terrible situation and made a good life for herself. Now I don’t know what to say. My niece continues to deal with addiction issues. I didn’t hinge everything on Wendy, of course, but I feel like this latest revelation about her vulnerability only helps to make my niece’s situation that much more fragile. -- Fighting Addiction

DEAR FIGHTING ADDICTION: The stats for people fighting addiction in this country are staggering. In 2017, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that 19.7 million American adults (aged 12 and over) battled a substance abuse disorder. Further, 1 out of 8 adults suffered with both alcohol and drug use disorders simultaneously. In terms of relapse, 40 to 60 percent of addicts and alcoholics relapse within the first year, though the numbers do go down to about 15 percent with years of recovery under the belt.

Addiction programs and counselors will tell you that the way you fight addiction is one day at a time. For your niece, the best you can do is talk to her about her life. Make it clear to her that addiction is a disease and that she should get help to keep her strong.

It should be noted that Wendy didn't mention a relapse in her announcement, just that she had moved into a sober living facility. That said, she can still be an example of how hard it is to stay sober. Use her story to support your niece.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talk to my goddaughter regularly, and she is a sweet young woman. She has been on her own for a couple of years now, and it sounds like she is building a nice life for herself. She has a good job, but she had a boyfriend who didn’t treat her well. She dumped him recently, but he keeps coming back. I tell her that she needs to expand her horizons, but when he calls, she jumps.

My goddaughter recently met a guy who is smart and kind and likes her a lot. They have been going out, and it sounds good. Still, she remains emotionally available to the other one. How can I help her to see that this guy is an opportunist and selfish, and he isn’t worth her time? -- Bad Boyfriend

DEAR BAD BOYFRIEND: All you can do is tell her what you know a healthy relationship looks like. Describe what she deserves, and remind her of her value. Try not to talk negatively about this man, as that might drive her closer to him. Instead, paint a picture for her of what you believe she deserves. Encourage her to give the other man a chance, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend is a devout Christian, and with Easter coming up, she is so excited about going to church and dressing up for it. She told me that every year since she was a little girl, her family has gone all-out for Easter, buying dressy outfits, taking pictures and going to church. I am happy and intrigued to see all of the excitement around this and to see how happy the children in the family are, but I do not share the enthusiasm. I have never been devout. I am a man of faith and all, but I don’t have rituals about going to church. Should I tell my girlfriend about my experience? I will go with her to church and be with her, but I don’t like all the fanfare. -- Low-Key Christian

DEAR LOW-KEY CHRISTIAN: You should tell your girlfriend how you grew up and what you value, but don’t try to stifle her excitement. In many Christian households, Easter is the biggest celebration, as it marks the time when Christ rose from the dead. It is a holy time. Some families study the Bible and the implicit meaning in the Resurrection for their whole lives. Some revel in the idea of renewal and go all-out with fancy outfits, Easter egg hunts and other outward displays of joy. Give your girlfriend a pass. If she and her family enjoy the fanfare, so be it. You can let her know that it isn’t really your thing, so you will support her, but ask her not to expect you to get caught up in the parade of fashion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a girlfriend who shared with me that she suffers from diabetes. She made me promise not to tell anyone because she is embarrassed. I agreed. It’s nobody’s business what she is going through. But we have been hanging out, and I see her consume massive amounts of sugar. She seems to crave sweets. It is disturbing to see her chowing down on sweets when I know it could hurt her. My dad died from complications of diabetes, and it was ugly. I want to warn her, but I don’t think she will listen. What should I do? -- Ticking Time Bomb

DEAR TICKING TIME BOMB: A nutritionist shared that it takes about 12 years for the human body to develop diabetes. It is not something that comes on fast like the flu or some other diseases. It was slow to develop in your friend, and won’t be easy for her to control. And yet, of course she should stop eating so many sweets. Sadly, you cannot manage what she eats.

Tell your friend stories about your father. Did he have amputations? Did he lose his sight? These are common complications of diabetes. Plead with your friend to be more mindful of what she consumes. Remind her that you love her and want her to be healthy, but in order for her to do, so she has to cut back dramatically on sweets. If you can’t watch her when she’s binge eating, tell her you have to go when she starts eating like that. You do not have to witness her demise. You can walk away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)