DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big party last week, and lots of friends came. We had a wonderful time. It is my practice to sit down and chat with a couple of people after big events and experiences just to talk about everything and remember the highlights of the night.
My friend who I wanted to talk to the most about the party has virtually disappeared. He does that, so I’m not worried about him, but I am disappointed. He knew how important this event was for me, and I expected him to be a little less selfish and more thoughtful. The debrief afterward is something we do together. I know I have to get over it, but how can I let him know that his absence hurt my feelings? -- The Debrief
DEAR THE DEBRIEF: Hopefully you have other friends who did the debrief with you so that you didn’t feel totally disconnected in the aftermath of your event. As far as this guy goes, tell him directly that it hurt your feelings that he didn’t complete your practice of talking about the event afterwards. But know that if this is his M.O., you may just have to accept that he will not be the one you can count on for that part of the experience.
It is important to accept what you know about people. Sometimes we make the mistake of superimposing our wishes onto others and then get our feelings hurt when they disappoint us. Don’t get caught up in that trap, or you will always end up disappointed.