DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently had twins. They are African-American, and one is much darker than the other. They are both beautiful little girls, but already I hear people saying things about the darker one, like, “She’s cute for a dark girl.” I hate this. I’m not naive. I know that racism runs so deep that people don’t always realize what they are saying, but I worry about these girls and how they will be received as they grow up. What can I do to support them and their family? -- Color Consciousness

DEAR COLOR CONSCIOUSNESS: Sadly, colorism -- which is a form of racism -- runs deep in American society. Worse still is that it’s often reflected as self-hatred. Many black people make those statements about themselves. Historically, there were unwritten rules about color that people followed, like the “paper bag test,” which was used by elite black social clubs to prohibit people whose skin was darker than a paper bag from becoming members. Another “rule” was called “marrying up.” A few generations ago, the goal for blacks who wanted to climb the social ladder was to marry someone who was lighter-skinned or who was wealthy. Deep pockets would allow darker-skinned people a pass.

All of this emerged because of the oppressive nature of racism and the many opportunities that were denied black people. I have touched only the surface of an important history lesson, but I bring it up because this history informs the unconscious comments about those precious twins you mentioned.

While you cannot reverse history or wipe out racially charged behaviors today, you can be supportive of the twins by treating them equally. Your interactions with them should be uplifting and aware. Further, if you hear someone make a pejorative comment, call the person on it. You can ask that person, “What do you mean when you say she’s cute for a dark girl?” Push them. “Do you hear what you are saying?” If the parents are up for the discussion, ask them how you can be supportive. Share your concerns about the things you have heard people say, and get their perspective on how they intend to navigate this path.

Several books have been written about this subject. One you may want to read is "The Color Complex (Revised): The Politics of Skin Color in a New Millennium" by Kathy Russell-Cole.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am one of those people who pledged to work on fitness as the year began, and I have hardly done anything. I am not motivated at all. I was going to the gym with a buddy who lives in my building. We set ourselves up for success, but it’s March and I have gone to the gym only a handful of times. How can I get myself back into it? I can’t afford to slack off. My doctor gave me weight-loss goals that I am not meeting. -- Inertia Got Me

DEAR INERTIA GOT ME: Have a serious talk with yourself about your future. What did your doctor tell you would happen if you don’t meet your fitness goals? We live in a country where obesity is running rampant, and more people are officially obese than realize it. In 2016, about 39 percent of Americans were considered obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Obesity leads to all kinds of disease that can kill you. Let that reality sink in. It may get you off your couch.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother told me that we should always share with those who have less than we do. To that end, I give to my church, and I occasionally give to people who beg on the street.

The other day, I was walking on a street near my home when two different men seemingly came out of nowhere begging for money. One of them was loud and insistent. I had just completed a meeting with a client, and I had no money in my pocket to spare. Well, the loud man got louder and started yelling at me for not giving him money. I thought this was excessive. He may have been mentally impaired. What should I have done in that situation? I just kept on walking. -- Paying the Homeless

DEAR PAYING THE HOMELESS: You are not obliged to give money to people who ask you for it. Sadly, there seem to be more homeless people on the street these days, and yes, many of them are mentally and emotionally challenged. That is likely why that man was so belligerent. In situations like that, it is probably safest for you to ignore the person. Engaging someone who is loud and aggressive is not a safe option.

In general, though, when someone asks you for money on the street, even if you choose not to give them anything, you can acknowledge them. I will say, “Good morning. Have a good day,” or something similar. If they press for money, I say, “I’m sorry. Not today.” Recognizing the humanity in others is an important part of life. I believe that some people who find themselves living on the street or otherwise in dire straits often feel invisible because passersby don’t even see them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know from a social club I belong to complained all last year about her husband in graphic and rude terms. Now they are divorced -- no surprise. What is odd is that she has started talking about how mean he is and how he doesn’t give her all the money that he promised. She calls him ungrateful and on and on with the negativity. I can’t help but wonder what she expected. She talked about this man like a dog. Now she’s acting like the victim. I’m not so sure. I do know that I don’t want to get caught up in the discussions about their marriage. I don’t want to take sides, especially since I doubt that I would take hers. What can I say when she starts complaining about him? -- Messy Divorce

DEAR MESSY DIVORCE: It is never good to get involved in the details of other people’s divorces. Rarely is the uncoupling handled in a loving, respectful way. Typically, hurt feelings run rampant and nasty words are flung about. When your friend asks your opinion, tell her you do not want to be involved. Even if she urges you to take sides, tell her you want to remain her friend; therefore, you plead the fifth. No comment on her marriage. Period.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have young children who are involved in the entertainment industry. My 10-year-old son is a dancer, and my 8-year-old daughter is an actor. We feel fortunate that both of them have gotten paying jobs already through their school and local productions. They have also met some influential people in the business who have offered to help get them to the next level.

I was already worried about what might happen to my children if they meet the wrong people, then I watched the HBO documentary "Leaving Neverland," about alleged sexual abuse by Michael Jackson. I had heard the stories and about the trial years ago, but this film was awful and so scary. I don’t understand how these boys' mothers could have allowed them to go to "sleepovers” at Michael Jackson’s house; he was a grown man.

I don’t know what I might be missing when it comes to protecting my kids and allowing them to pursue their dreams. How do you know if your child is in harm’s way? -- Avoiding Child Sexual Abuse

DEAR AVOIDING CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: That documentary was chilling. Whether or not the allegations those men made are true, a clear message that came from the film is the importance of parents being vigilant about what they allow their children to do. For stage parents, that includes making sure that your children always have an adult chaperone. This may mean that you have to take time off from work or hire someone you trust to be with your children when you are unable to be there.

For all parents, it is important to teach your children how to protect themselves. This includes giving them the language to discuss what they are experiencing. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most sexual abuse of children is perpetrated by people the children already know and trust. How can you get around that? By teaching your children the proper names of body parts, which parts are private, that it is inappropriate for others to touch their private parts, that they should keep no secrets from you and that they should speak up if anyone asks them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable. For all who are reading this, experts recommend teaching your children about their body parts and their rights to their bodies from a young age so that they can stand up for themselves even in scary situations. For more ideas, go to: bit.ly/2XIZcCA.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dying my hair for at least 10 years now. I went gray prematurely, but in my line of work, it is bad if I start looking older. It has been so busy of late that I haven’t kept up my color appointments as well as I should have. The other day, one of my co-workers, who I think has a mean streak, called me out, saying he could see my roots. I ignored him and immediately scheduled a hair appointment. Should I have responded? -- Peekaboo Gray

DEAR PEEKABOO GRAY: Ignoring your co-worker was the wise thing to do. Don’t draw attention to the thing you want to cover. Ageism is real, even if it is technically illegal. If you feel like keeping your hair colored gives you job security, continue coloring it. You may want to put reminders in your calendar so that you don’t go too long next time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)