DEAR HARRIETTE: I traveled to go to a friend’s big birthday party last weekend, and it was a blast. What was surprising, though, is that an old flame of mine was also there. Now, we haven’t seen each other for more than 20 years, but I swear I got the same butterflies in my stomach that I had when we were dating years ago. We were together for three years, and we broke up when he went to graduate school. It turns out that neither of us is married. It sounds like he has had a good life, as have I. But seeing him again got me to thinking “what if?” Do you think it’s worth it to find out? -- Old Flame Rekindled

DEAR OLD FLAME REKINDLED: Before you take action, rewind and think about the life you once had with this man. What was good? What was not? Do you remember his values and qualities? Do they generally match yours? If you think you are likely compatible, go for it. Reach out to him and be honest. Tell him that you would like to rekindle your friendship. Express how nice it was to see him again and that you would like to see what happens if you spend some time together. Don’t be cagey about it. You are both adults, and he should know your intentions. If he is interested, he will let you know. If not, at least you put it out there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the Dec. 13, 2018, column, “Boyfriend's Daughter Causes Strain in Relationship,” there was a letter from a 28-year-old woman dating a man in his mid-40s. The girlfriend complained about her boyfriend’s 21-year-old daughter changing her mind about becoming a cosmetologist after he had paid for it and her father's continued support of his daughter’s needs. Acknowledging that this was a sensitive situation, I like the way you addressed it by pointing out to the writer that her boyfriend was doing the best he could to care for his daughter, and most important, that he was also trying to do right by her and her child. I had to agree with you that if the girlfriend had stepped in to make comments, it would’ve likely caused conflict.

With your sound advice in mind, I was reminded of a woman I dated. "Natalie" always wanted me to spend time with and do things for her family. When I’d talk about or do things for my family, she would make selfish and ugly comments. Though I would not mention it, many times her comments would upset me and hurt my feelings. What could I have said to her to get her to stop that behavior? -- Writing From Prison

DEAR WRITING FROM PRISON: Thank you for your note and for your support. While spending time in prison, I imagine that you have a lot to think about. It is good that you are using your time constructively to evaluate your life. What you could have done with Natalie is to let her know that you have feelings, too. In a relationship, reciprocity is important. Both partners need to feel heard and respected. Both of your needs must be addressed; otherwise, someone will feel left out. You could have told her that her unkind comments about your family were hurtful and mean, and you could have asked her to stop.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has been living in an independent community for elders for a couple of years now. Recently I have noticed that my mother gets her medications mixed up.

We went on a trip together, and she said she had organized all of her medication, but it turned out not to be true at all. She has serious medical issues that require her to take medication at specific times. While she is not yet ready for assisted living, which is very expensive, she does seem to need help taking her medicine on time. What can I do to help her? I cannot come to be with her twice a day, but somebody needs to. -- Mother Needs Help

DEAR MOTHER NEEDS HELP: One of the most challenging and common concerns for elders as they age is medication management. Often, they have multiple pills to take at varying times of the day. This would be hard for a younger person to keep track of; as people get older, memory often is not as sharp as it once was, even if the person is not suffering from dementia. Organizing medication can be confusing.

There are a number of options that can support your mother. You can look into getting her a medical organization system that features alarms for each time of day. Some of them will open a compartment only when the medication is to be taken. There is a new service called pillpack.com that will fill prescriptions and organize pills into clearly marked plastic bags that delineate what to take and when.

Depending on how well your mother manages with these types of support, you may also need to hire someone to come in and administer meds at various times in the day. You can talk to her independent living facility to see if it has recommendations on nurses or others who may be able to support your mother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a letter published in late January, an individual wrote to you asking if he could deposit a check he had received as a Christmas gift the previous year and had recently found. You said, “Shred that check and chalk it up to your mistake.” You also said, “Sadly, many people misplace gift checks.”

That being said, I feel the person should explain the situation to the gift-giver. He should show the gift-giver the outdated check, apologize and explain that is why a thank-you note was never sent. Then let the matter drop. The ball is in the gift-giver’s court as to what he wants to do -- if anything. -- Lost Gift Check

DEAR LOST GIFT CHECK: Thank you for your thoughtful letter. I like the idea of letting the gift-giver know that the reason you did not send a thank-you note is because you just discovered the check. That allows closure to an awkward situation. I’m not sure that it’s a great idea to present the check to the person, however. That puts pressure on the gift-giver to write a new check. Who knows what that person’s financial situation is a whole year later? The gift was intended at the time it was given. Letting the person know that you just discovered it and that you apologize for misplacing it and not saying thanks is enough in my book.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am lactose intolerant, and my family knows this. Yet whenever I come over for dinner, they serve creamy food. Heavy sauces and cheeses are in virtually every dish. I don’t understand it. I believe they love me. I remind them that I have dietary restrictions, but they don’t take my needs into account at all. I take Lactaid with me so that I don’t get sick, but I really don’t want to put all of that milk in my body in the first place. What can I do? -- Allergic to Family Dinners

DEAR ALLERGIC TO FAMILY DINNERS: It’s time to start cooking. In anticipation of your family gatherings, whip up a couple of dishes that you can eat and that can contribute to the overall meal. Since you have a sense of what they prepare, create your lactose-free version of one of those dishes, or simply bring something that you love that may appeal to others.

You can let them know that you are coming with dinner contributions or simply show up with them. If you are challenged about why you suddenly started bringing food, tell them that you cannot eat most of the food that they prepare, and you need some alternatives that are healthy for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth this time. I was hanging out with my young adult niece whom I adore, and I ended up barking orders at her when we were rushing to get to an event. I didn’t realize that my comments affected her at all at the time, but I noticed that she was in a bad mood later that evening. I was told later by another family member -- confidentially -- that my comments sparked her bad mood. I am mortified, but I was sworn to secrecy.

What can I do to make up for my unconscious behavior since I promised not to let my niece know that I was told what I did to offend her? I love my niece. The last thing I ever want to do is disrespect her. -- Forgiveness Vs. Secrecy

DEAR FORGIVENESS VS. SECRECY: Do not betray the trust of the person who informed you of your bad behavior. That will add salt to the wound and damage their relationship. Instead, know that you made a mistake in the way that you communicated with your niece, and pledge to yourself not to do that again. Since you and your niece generally have a good relationship, you should continue to strengthen that. Keep your communication rhythm going, and pay attention to how you speak to her.

Sometimes it can be challenging for adults to shift the way that they react to young people as they blossom into adults. We can be much bossier than the moment calls for. Check yourself if you notice that you are doing that with her. If you do it again, apologize for your behavior in the moment, but don’t bring up the past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)