DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son keeps a journal, which I think is great, though I didn’t know about it. I was cleaning his room the other day when I discovered it. I admit that I took a peek. Most of the entries were benign -- just teenage angst. But one entry I read revealed that he has tried smoking marijuana. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. More, though, I am worried about him.

I don’t want my son to get hooked on smoking marijuana and stop paying attention to his schoolwork. Should I tell him that I read his journal? Is there another way to get him to talk about this? -- Son Smokes Weed

DEAR SON SMOKES WEED: Rather than informing him that you betrayed his trust, which will likely lead to less communication between the two of you, leave the issue of the journal alone and do your best to establish a solid rapport with your son. Ask him about his day and how he is managing at school. Ask him about drugs, sex and alcohol. You should do this on a regular basis -- not as an inquisition, but as a point of inquiry. Many teens experiment with all three, and you want to do your best to manage and understand your son’s engagement.

To do this, you must reinforce your family’s values about each one. Talk about sex and when you believe it is appropriate for people to engage in it. Talk about drugs, including marijuana, but not limited to it. Ask your son if he has tried any drugs. If he admits to it, ask him how they made him feel and whether he intends to keep doing them. Express your concerns about the effects of drug use on his body and his life. Address alcohol in the same way. Be clear about your beliefs and expectations for your son, and leave the door open to conversation. Don’t be too judgmental in your delivery, or else he will likely lie.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a nice co-worker who tries hard to do a good job. She is much older than me, and I can tell that some technical stuff is hard for her. I have helped her to learn how to manage some of the programs we use online and other techy stuff. What I don’t know how to address is the fact that she often smells like menthol. I guess her bones must hurt. That’s why my grandma applies menthol to her body. Whatever her issue is, she comes to work smelling like she just rubbed herself in arthritis cream. I want to tell her that this is not a good idea. She is barely able to keep up with work; smelling like an "old lady" is not doing her any favors. I am worried that if I say anything, it could become a human resources issue. How can I support her? -- Menthol-Free Workplace

DEAR MENTHOL-FREE WORKPLACE: Maybe, privately, you can use a bit of humor to get a conversation going with your co-worker about the smell. Next time you notice it, jokingly say, “Girl, you smell like my grandma!” If she reacts to your comment, you can tell her that you recognize the smell because your grandmother uses a mentholated cream for her arthritis. If your co-worker acknowledges that she uses such a product, you might point out that the smell is strong and lingers all day. Don’t connect the dots for her about old-lady smell and job performance. She has to figure that out for herself. But your mention of the aroma may get her to tone it down or apply only at night.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job a few months ago, and my co-workers are kind to me. The company I work for is pretty small, but it’s definitely tight. You know how sometimes people go out to drinks after work to get to know each other better? Well, these people go to church together. They all seem to get together on Sundays for service and at least once during the week for choir rehearsal or some other church activity. They keep inviting me to join them, but I don’t want to go. I have my own church and spiritual life, and I do not want to go to theirs. I don’t have anything against them, but I believe that I should not have to intersect my religious life with my job. Since everyone else participates, do you think my absence will negatively impact my job? -- Not My Church

DEAR NOT MY CHURCH: I will give you the same advice I give to people whose co-workers invite them out every Friday for drinks after work: You don’t have to go all the time, but it is wise to go occasionally. At the very least, go once so that you have an understanding of what these people value and how they spend their time. Find out if your company is affiliated with the church. Even if it is, you are not required to go there, but it’s good to know the history of your company and the church that your co-workers attend. Do some sleuthing so that you get a clear picture of your company’s culture and what the expectations are of the employees. You do not need to become a regular parishioner, choir member or anything else. But out of respect for them and curiosity for you, go to a service and pay attention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a horrible packer. I always take too many things and end up paying extra for baggage that is too heavy. A friend of mine recommended that if I can’t figure out how to pack less, I should consider shipping my suitcase. She thinks it will cost less to ship than to pay for the baggage fees for the plane. Do you think that is over the top? How would you handle this? -- Heavy Baggage

DEAR HEAVY BAGGAGE: I, too, am a heavy packer. I always seem to want one more pair of shoes. In the winter, I find that clothing can be heavier anyway. That said, sure you can do research to compare the cost of shipping your suitcase via USPS, UPS, FedEx or another such service versus the airline bag cost. Make sure you learn the cost of an overweight bag. Anything over 50 pounds can cost you $100 or more. Figure out what your bag(s) will likely weigh and compare prices.

You might also try making a written packing list of the essentials you need each day of your trip and packing only those things. If you refuse to allow yourself to pack that extra pair of shoes or handbag or whatever it may be, you may find that you can streamline your packing and eventually get to carryon status!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a family that has an open-door policy. Whenever family members want to come to town, my parents and aunts and uncles let them all pile in.

I live in a small apartment with one bedroom. I have no room to accommodate other people in my home, and I can’t afford to feed them. I don’t mean to be rude, but I just can’t do it. I don’t want to be the “bad” family member, but I was just asked by my family down South if they could come up to stay with me for a couple of weeks. How can I say no to them when nobody else has? -- No Room

DEAR NO ROOM: Previous generations of your family have had a different attitude about providing shelter.

Historically, that open-door policy was often used to protect people who needed to escape their circumstances by moving out of poverty, out of dangerous living conditions or simply into the opportunity for making a better life for themselves. The “policy” obviously also applies to family members who are coming to visit one another and choose to stay together rather than spend their nights in a hotel and days in each other’s company.

These days, many people ask to stay at a relative's home during vacation so that they can save money while they are visiting the city where that person lives. That is a different situation altogether, and it sounds like what you are describing. While it may be uncomfortable, tell your family that you live in a tiny place and simply do not have room to accommodate them. Offer to have them over one night for dinner, or take them on a tour of your city when they arrive. Connect with them without agreeing to host them for weeks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is a nice man with a good heart, but he hasn’t had a job for the whole time that we have been together. At first, that didn’t seem like such a big deal since he had savings. He was creative and figured out ways to make fun without spending a lot of money. Now, it’s getting old. I have a decent job with a consistent paycheck, and I find myself picking up the tab almost all the time. I’m not totally old-fashioned, but I also don’t think it’s right for the woman to have to pay all the time -- or the man, for that matter. How do I bring this up with my boyfriend? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels bad that he has limited resources, but if we are going to keep going, we need to address our money issues head-on. How do I bring it up? -- Facing Our Stuff

DEAR FACING OUR STUFF: Your relationship is at a reality check point. It is time for you two to talk frankly about where you are and where you are headed. Ask your boyfriend to join you for a serious conversation. Tell him that you need to figure out your financial situation because things are getting bad. Be honest and tell him you don’t feel comfortable picking up the tab all the time, and you can’t afford it. Press him to talk about his financial plans for the year.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)