DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new job a few months ago, and my co-workers are kind to me. The company I work for is pretty small, but it’s definitely tight. You know how sometimes people go out to drinks after work to get to know each other better? Well, these people go to church together. They all seem to get together on Sundays for service and at least once during the week for choir rehearsal or some other church activity. They keep inviting me to join them, but I don’t want to go. I have my own church and spiritual life, and I do not want to go to theirs. I don’t have anything against them, but I believe that I should not have to intersect my religious life with my job. Since everyone else participates, do you think my absence will negatively impact my job? -- Not My Church

DEAR NOT MY CHURCH: I will give you the same advice I give to people whose co-workers invite them out every Friday for drinks after work: You don’t have to go all the time, but it is wise to go occasionally. At the very least, go once so that you have an understanding of what these people value and how they spend their time. Find out if your company is affiliated with the church. Even if it is, you are not required to go there, but it’s good to know the history of your company and the church that your co-workers attend. Do some sleuthing so that you get a clear picture of your company’s culture and what the expectations are of the employees. You do not need to become a regular parishioner, choir member or anything else. But out of respect for them and curiosity for you, go to a service and pay attention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a horrible packer. I always take too many things and end up paying extra for baggage that is too heavy. A friend of mine recommended that if I can’t figure out how to pack less, I should consider shipping my suitcase. She thinks it will cost less to ship than to pay for the baggage fees for the plane. Do you think that is over the top? How would you handle this? -- Heavy Baggage

DEAR HEAVY BAGGAGE: I, too, am a heavy packer. I always seem to want one more pair of shoes. In the winter, I find that clothing can be heavier anyway. That said, sure you can do research to compare the cost of shipping your suitcase via USPS, UPS, FedEx or another such service versus the airline bag cost. Make sure you learn the cost of an overweight bag. Anything over 50 pounds can cost you $100 or more. Figure out what your bag(s) will likely weigh and compare prices.

You might also try making a written packing list of the essentials you need each day of your trip and packing only those things. If you refuse to allow yourself to pack that extra pair of shoes or handbag or whatever it may be, you may find that you can streamline your packing and eventually get to carryon status!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a family that has an open-door policy. Whenever family members want to come to town, my parents and aunts and uncles let them all pile in.

I live in a small apartment with one bedroom. I have no room to accommodate other people in my home, and I can’t afford to feed them. I don’t mean to be rude, but I just can’t do it. I don’t want to be the “bad” family member, but I was just asked by my family down South if they could come up to stay with me for a couple of weeks. How can I say no to them when nobody else has? -- No Room

DEAR NO ROOM: Previous generations of your family have had a different attitude about providing shelter.

Historically, that open-door policy was often used to protect people who needed to escape their circumstances by moving out of poverty, out of dangerous living conditions or simply into the opportunity for making a better life for themselves. The “policy” obviously also applies to family members who are coming to visit one another and choose to stay together rather than spend their nights in a hotel and days in each other’s company.

These days, many people ask to stay at a relative's home during vacation so that they can save money while they are visiting the city where that person lives. That is a different situation altogether, and it sounds like what you are describing. While it may be uncomfortable, tell your family that you live in a tiny place and simply do not have room to accommodate them. Offer to have them over one night for dinner, or take them on a tour of your city when they arrive. Connect with them without agreeing to host them for weeks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is a nice man with a good heart, but he hasn’t had a job for the whole time that we have been together. At first, that didn’t seem like such a big deal since he had savings. He was creative and figured out ways to make fun without spending a lot of money. Now, it’s getting old. I have a decent job with a consistent paycheck, and I find myself picking up the tab almost all the time. I’m not totally old-fashioned, but I also don’t think it’s right for the woman to have to pay all the time -- or the man, for that matter. How do I bring this up with my boyfriend? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels bad that he has limited resources, but if we are going to keep going, we need to address our money issues head-on. How do I bring it up? -- Facing Our Stuff

DEAR FACING OUR STUFF: Your relationship is at a reality check point. It is time for you two to talk frankly about where you are and where you are headed. Ask your boyfriend to join you for a serious conversation. Tell him that you need to figure out your financial situation because things are getting bad. Be honest and tell him you don’t feel comfortable picking up the tab all the time, and you can’t afford it. Press him to talk about his financial plans for the year.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece is getting married, and we had an engagement party for her. In the past few years, one side of the family has been pretty rude to her, including being rude to her fiance. They are conservative Republicans, which is fine. What isn’t cool is that they are totally anti-Mexican, and my niece’s fiance is of Mexican heritage. They have made off-color jokes around him, and it’s unacceptable. They were on their best behavior at the engagement party, but that was unusual for them. My niece doesn’t want to include them in the wedding activities. I think they should talk it out. They are family, after all. I’m afraid that if they don’t deal with it, there will be a divide in the family that nobody will be able to fix. -- Family Drama

DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: Your family is not the first to have challenges around welcoming others into the fold, especially when the others are of a different heritage or religion. This issue goes back to the beginning of time. Still, you should not give up. If there is a way for the two families who represent your niece and her fiance to come together in a respectful, loving manner, that is the best way to start a life together. A marriage is bigger than two people; it represents two families. Do your best to encourage your niece to work with her fiance to build a bridge between the families. Even if they never become close, it is wise to consider how to come to a meeting of the minds and a place of respect -- for the future of the entire family, including any potential children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age, and now she lives in a retirement community. My siblings and I talk to her almost every day and visit often, but she has become needier. I think she is worried that we will forget about her now that she’s living in this place. If I miss a day of talking to her, she guilts me like crazy the next time we speak. I want her to feel safe, comfortable and loved, but it’s hard when she is so needy. How can we get her to chill out? We aren’t going anywhere, but our schedules are busier than hers. Sometimes, for me anyway, I am not as consistent with my calls, but I am in touch with her multiple times a week. How can I get her to relax and enjoy her life? -- Mom in Need

DEAR MOM IN NEED: Find out what activities are available for residents at her retirement community. Encourage your mother to participate in as many daily activities as possible. This will keep her busy and help her to be less focused on you and your siblings. Coordinate with your siblings on a schedule. Since it helps your mother to have regularly timed calls and visits, do your best to honor whatever timetable you create. Consistency may help to alleviate your mother’s worries and reduce the pressure that you and your siblings feel in your support of your mother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)