DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a family that has an open-door policy. Whenever family members want to come to town, my parents and aunts and uncles let them all pile in.

I live in a small apartment with one bedroom. I have no room to accommodate other people in my home, and I can’t afford to feed them. I don’t mean to be rude, but I just can’t do it. I don’t want to be the “bad” family member, but I was just asked by my family down South if they could come up to stay with me for a couple of weeks. How can I say no to them when nobody else has? -- No Room

DEAR NO ROOM: Previous generations of your family have had a different attitude about providing shelter.

Historically, that open-door policy was often used to protect people who needed to escape their circumstances by moving out of poverty, out of dangerous living conditions or simply into the opportunity for making a better life for themselves. The “policy” obviously also applies to family members who are coming to visit one another and choose to stay together rather than spend their nights in a hotel and days in each other’s company.

These days, many people ask to stay at a relative's home during vacation so that they can save money while they are visiting the city where that person lives. That is a different situation altogether, and it sounds like what you are describing. While it may be uncomfortable, tell your family that you live in a tiny place and simply do not have room to accommodate them. Offer to have them over one night for dinner, or take them on a tour of your city when they arrive. Connect with them without agreeing to host them for weeks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is a nice man with a good heart, but he hasn’t had a job for the whole time that we have been together. At first, that didn’t seem like such a big deal since he had savings. He was creative and figured out ways to make fun without spending a lot of money. Now, it’s getting old. I have a decent job with a consistent paycheck, and I find myself picking up the tab almost all the time. I’m not totally old-fashioned, but I also don’t think it’s right for the woman to have to pay all the time -- or the man, for that matter. How do I bring this up with my boyfriend? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels bad that he has limited resources, but if we are going to keep going, we need to address our money issues head-on. How do I bring it up? -- Facing Our Stuff

DEAR FACING OUR STUFF: Your relationship is at a reality check point. It is time for you two to talk frankly about where you are and where you are headed. Ask your boyfriend to join you for a serious conversation. Tell him that you need to figure out your financial situation because things are getting bad. Be honest and tell him you don’t feel comfortable picking up the tab all the time, and you can’t afford it. Press him to talk about his financial plans for the year.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece is getting married, and we had an engagement party for her. In the past few years, one side of the family has been pretty rude to her, including being rude to her fiance. They are conservative Republicans, which is fine. What isn’t cool is that they are totally anti-Mexican, and my niece’s fiance is of Mexican heritage. They have made off-color jokes around him, and it’s unacceptable. They were on their best behavior at the engagement party, but that was unusual for them. My niece doesn’t want to include them in the wedding activities. I think they should talk it out. They are family, after all. I’m afraid that if they don’t deal with it, there will be a divide in the family that nobody will be able to fix. -- Family Drama

DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: Your family is not the first to have challenges around welcoming others into the fold, especially when the others are of a different heritage or religion. This issue goes back to the beginning of time. Still, you should not give up. If there is a way for the two families who represent your niece and her fiance to come together in a respectful, loving manner, that is the best way to start a life together. A marriage is bigger than two people; it represents two families. Do your best to encourage your niece to work with her fiance to build a bridge between the families. Even if they never become close, it is wise to consider how to come to a meeting of the minds and a place of respect -- for the future of the entire family, including any potential children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age, and now she lives in a retirement community. My siblings and I talk to her almost every day and visit often, but she has become needier. I think she is worried that we will forget about her now that she’s living in this place. If I miss a day of talking to her, she guilts me like crazy the next time we speak. I want her to feel safe, comfortable and loved, but it’s hard when she is so needy. How can we get her to chill out? We aren’t going anywhere, but our schedules are busier than hers. Sometimes, for me anyway, I am not as consistent with my calls, but I am in touch with her multiple times a week. How can I get her to relax and enjoy her life? -- Mom in Need

DEAR MOM IN NEED: Find out what activities are available for residents at her retirement community. Encourage your mother to participate in as many daily activities as possible. This will keep her busy and help her to be less focused on you and your siblings. Coordinate with your siblings on a schedule. Since it helps your mother to have regularly timed calls and visits, do your best to honor whatever timetable you create. Consistency may help to alleviate your mother’s worries and reduce the pressure that you and your siblings feel in your support of your mother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen for a couple of years when she came home to visit her family. She is doing well at her job and was telling me all about it, but I am worried about her. She is still in her early 20s, and she has gained like 50 pounds. I am sure that she would be considered obese by her doctor. I am worried that she is headed in the wrong direction healthwise just as her career is taking off. This is such an uncomfortable situation. I don’t know what to say to her. She is an adult, but I am worried about her. I know how weird people can be talking about weight, but I think I would feel worse if I said nothing and something terrible happened to her. Can I say anything? -- Has an Obese Friend

DEAR HAS AN OBESE FRIEND: Sadly, almost 40 percent of the American populace suffers from obesity. This is a staggering percentage in a country that has so much information and awareness to help people manage their weight. Still, obesity is a health crisis that many are not successfully managing. Your friend is among them.

Should you say something? For starters, it is likely that your friend knows that she has gained a lot of weight. People don’t generally gain 50 pounds without noticing. What is common, especially for overachievers with desk jobs, is that in their effort to do well at work, they often neglect their health. You might try having a heart-to-heart with your friend. Ask her about the job, her new responsibilities and life in general. Ask her what she does for fun and if she gets to exercise at all. Ease into a conversation about lifestyle. Tell her that as happy as you are for her success, you are worried about her health. Tell her how much you care about her and that you hope she will pay attention to her health as she continues to pursue her career. For strategies to help that conversation, go to: psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-out/201310/how-talk-loved-one-about-their-weight.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been an entrepreneur for about 10 years, and it has felt like a roller coaster. Some years, I have done well; other years, it has been hard to earn a good dollar. The past two years have been really tough. I am getting up in age, and I think I need to find a job, but I don’t have many skills. What do you think I should do? I need to work and save money for my retirement. Right now, I have pennies. -- Need a Job

DEAR NEED A JOB: Assess your skills so that you can figure out how marketable you are. Create or update your resume. Make it obvious to potential employers what you are looking for and what your qualifications are. Create an online presence that showcases you and your work history. A good place to start is the networking tool LinkedIn.

Consider going to your local unemployment office to find out about job opportunities in your area. For more information, go to: usa.gov/unemployment. Use online search engines to look for work. Some popular ones include Glassdoor.com, Monster.com, LinkedIn, Indeed.com and Careerbuilder.com.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)