DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are college graduates, and we always assumed our kids would go to college, too. Both of our children are in their 20s. They have decent jobs, but neither of them finished college. We are so disappointed. We know we can’t live our children’s lives for them, but we have read that you can definitely increase your salary with a college degree. Should we continue to encourage them to go back to school or just let them live their lives? -- College Dreams

DEAR COLLEGE DREAMS: Rather than admonishing them about a choice they have made, talk to your children about their visions of the future. Ask them to imagine their lives five to 10 years from now. What are they doing? How are they earning a living? Do they have a family? Do they own a home? Based on their answers, ask them how they are going to plot their course so that they are prepared to meet their expectations. By engaging in this exercise, you may be able to help your children see the value of pursuing higher education. This could be vocational, by the way. There are many tech jobs, for example, that can be high-paying but that may not require four years of college.

Your children are not thinking within the construct that guided you when you were growing up. You all may need to think outside the box in order to figure out a path toward stability and success. Encourage them, but don’t browbeat them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is coming home from prison after being there for more than 15 years. I have built a community of friends who don’t even know that I have a child. I feel bad about that, but he has been gone so long that I haven’t talked about him. Honestly, I am ashamed of the crime he committed and the life he led that got him there, so I just walked away when he was convicted.

Now my son wants to come and live at home because he doesn’t have a job or anywhere else to live. This worries me for many reasons. I don’t want to have to take care of a grown man -- even if he is my son. We haven’t stayed in touch much over the years, and now I have a lot of explaining to do with my friends if he comes to live with me. How should I handle this? -- Wayward Son

DEAR WAYWARD SON: First things first. You need to talk to your son before he gets out to make a plan with him. Find out what his parole officer recommends. Often, people transition into halfway houses before being allowed on their own, so he may not be able to move in with you right away anyway. Find out what your son intends to do with his life. To the best of your ability, support him. That does not mean he has to live with you, though.

Regarding your friends, tell them when you are ready. You may want to confide in the people you are closest to in your friend group and share with others over time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend likes to dress fancy. For the past few months, she has taken to wearing rhinestones and other jewels on her fingernails. It looks nice, but I’m concerned because she is about to have several job interviews for relatively conservative jobs. She hopes to be a paralegal, and she is interviewing at different law firms.

I get that you should be able to express yourself, but so far, she hasn’t had any interest from the firms. I fear that she isn’t conservative enough. I think she should tone down the nails and go to the interview looking professional. Am I wrong? -- Interview Attire

DEAR INTERVIEW ATTIRE: I always think it’s wise to dress conservatively for a job interview. There is a range when it comes to conservative, but you are right that for most law firms, sparkly, jeweled nails would likely stand out -- and not in a good way.

Sit down with your girlfriend and tell you need to discuss a prickly topic. Point out how much you like her flashy style, but acknowledge that she should probably play it down during the interview process. The nails should be neutral.

Additionally, she should wear a dark suit or dress with simple shoes that are not too high and even pantyhose. She may never have to dress like that again on the job if she chooses a more progressive firm, but to land the job, she should err on the side of discretion. If she refuses, tell her that her choices may impact her employment. Ultimately, it is her decision.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working as a consultant for several years now. I started my business because people kept asking me for advice in my area of expertise. After my job was downsized, I figured, why not try to offer the same services freelance? It has been interesting. People are happy to ask me for my advice -- all the time -- but when I suggest that they hire me, they usually back off and mutter something about just wanting to get my advice on something. They even act offended that I would want to charge for my services. I can’t afford to give away my services, including advice. How can I get people to recognize that my expertise is valuable and comes with a fee? -- Not for Free

DEAR NOT FOR FREE: Now is the time for you to start promoting your services beyond your friends and family. Believe it or not, most times your loved ones are not the people who buy the things you sell. They will celebrate you and share the good news with their friends, but rarely do dollars change hands among friends.

If you are serious about becoming a paid consultant, you need to target an audience that will be interested in your services and market directly to them. You can ask your friends if they have referrals to make. Outside of that, enjoy your friends’ good will, because you will stay mad if you are waiting for a paycheck from them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I travel on business, it is often with another colleague. We typically eat our meals together in between meetings, but we have to file separate expense reports. In the interest of time, I often buy my colleague a coffee or other breakfast items. I used to include these things on my expense report, but the accounting office is getting stricter. I told my colleague that now he has to pay for his own coffee and even gave him the receipt for one that I picked up for him. He did not reimburse me. I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I also do not intend to pay for his food. How can I get him to understand that he has to cover his own expenses? -- No More Coffee

DEAR NO MORE COFFEE: This one is easy, even if it may feel awkward. Stop buying your colleague coffee, snacks or whatever else you used to purchase. You set the tone for this, by the way, by making these purchases and expensing them yourself. He probably isn’t fully aware of the impact of him not picking up his own tab. Nonetheless, if you stop buying his food items, he won’t have them anymore, and it will be jarring. Tell him that you will pick them up if he gives you the money in advance. Otherwise, he has to make the purchases himself. Company rules.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was feeling really down the other day, and I told one of my good friends that I sometimes think I am worth more dead than alive. I said it because I bought a sizable insurance policy after my daughter was born. I don’t mean to sound morbid, but when I am struggling to pay for food and worried sick about everything, I remember that my daughter gets $1 million when I’m gone. That said, I’m not thinking about offing myself. I guess I hold onto that fact in case I never get my finances together. Anyway, my friend now calls me every week worried I’m going to do something rash. I am not. How can I calm her down? -- Not Suicidal

DEAR NOT SUICIDAL: You may not consider yourself suicidal, but you are not in a healthy frame of mind. Your friend, who cares about you, is right to check in to make sure that you are not teetering on the edge of taking your life. The dangle of the $1 million for your daughter is a hefty lure that could become more attractive if your circumstances grow direr.

What you may want to do is see a counselor. In the best of worlds, it would be good to see a psychologist and a money manager. With support from professionals, you may be able to climb out of your crisis and be able to see the world from a more positive perspective. For now, thank your friend for checking in. It is a kind and helpful thing for her to do. Hopefully it gives you the knowledge that you are loved no matter what your circumstances.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)