DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an only child, raised by parents who were approaching 50 when I was born. Growing up, I was the only child on my street. I attended a small religious school that was several miles away from where we lived. I grew up very alone, and I learned to like being alone. I’ve come to realize that is my problem: I like being alone, yet everyone around me assumes that I am lonely, because I’ve never been married and have no children or other social ties.

I like people only in very small doses. I can enjoy being “interested” in a new person for 45 minutes, but then I have no desire to keep in touch. It takes a lot of effort to pretend to be interested in my co-workers’ lives for 10 minutes at a time, but really all I want is to do my job and then leave so I can go do the things that make me happy.

My idea of a perfect day is to go to a museum alone, and then eat solo at an ethnic restaurant that serves some type of food I’ve never tried before while socializing with the usually foreign staff, and then attending a lecture at a nearby university or go home and read. I have done many activities with other people, but I find their company exhausting.

I find it aggravating to lie and pretend that I have family obligations or some other made-up reason why I don’t have time to be someone’s friend. So what do I do? Telling the truth that I’m not interested in being social, let alone being someone’s best friend, ends up hurting people’s feelings. And telling polite lies leads people to try harder to persuade me to socialize. How do I cope with a world that is focused on social connection when I don't want that? -- Alone but Not Lonely, Boston

DEAR ALONE BUT NOT LONELY: Tell the truth: You are a loner. Ask people not to take it personally. Occasionally hang out with co-workers in an effort to be cordial.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother gets on my case all the time because I don’t clean the bathroom every day. She grew up in the ’50s and was a stay-at-home mom to three girls. However, I am a graduate student with a part-time job. I spend hours studying, and when I get some free time, I use it to do things I actually want to do.

My grandmother insists that everyone she knows cleans their house every day, and when she talks about cleaning the bathroom, she doesn’t mean just picking things up; she means spraying down all surfaces and thoroughly cleaning everything. I don’t think she understands that no one I know cleans their house that way every single day, and that because I’m busy most days and often tired, I don’t want to come home and clean the whole house.

Am I lazy, or am I right in telling her that I will not deep-clean my bathroom or apartment every day? The free time I have is precious. How often is appropriate? -- Deep-Cleaning Granny Issues, Milwaukee

DEAR DEEP-CLEANING GRANNY ISSUES: If you at least wipe up the bathroom daily, it will stay presentable and hygienic. Perhaps the compromise can be a daily wipe and a weekly deep clean?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I want to wish you a happy 2019! May this year be filled with blessings of love, prosperity and comfort for each of you. I truly do wish for all of us that we can engage each other with respect and dignity, that we will make the choice to see the good in ourselves and in each other, and that we will take conscious, measured steps on a daily basis to make this dream come true.

Does that sound like pie in the sky? I hope not. I actually do believe that each of us has a tremendous responsibility to help support the movement of our society. Sometimes we think of our political landscape or the fluctuations of the economy or natural disasters or some other major issue and consider ourselves powerless. The thought often goes something like this: There’s so much going on in our world that we have little impact on it. Have you ever had a similar thought?

When you consider how many people do not vote who say that they don’t think their vote counts, you can start imagining better where many of us are. And yet, so many elections have been won by the tiniest number of votes, from a few hundred voters down to single digits. What if you had voted in that close election?

It's the same in the land of what-ifs, if you witness an injustice and say nothing. Who does that benefit? Who does it hurt? How are you affected by it? What if you stood up for the underdog at work? In the neighborhood? At school?

What if you decided to tend to yourself -- meaning your physical health, your state of mind, your home, your family -- BEFORE you stepped outside your door? What if you devoted time to nurturing yourself and your loved ones? What if you put yourself first?

What if you cultivated your own dreams? Imagine taking the time to listen to the voice inside and nurturing what it tells you. How would your life change?

People ask themselves these kinds of what-if questions at the beginning of the year. The challenge is how long do they stick to it? I want to challenge each of you to spend at least one hour each day tending to YOU. What would that look like? You can wake up an hour early and sit quietly for meditation. Take as little as five minutes and as long as an hour to be still and get anchored for the day. If thoughts arise that linger, write them down and consider whether they should be carried forward.

After your moment of meditation or stillness, stretch your body. Engage your physical self so that you fully awaken and are ready to begin your day. Make a list of what you need to accomplish, and check off the list as you move through your day. Stay focused. Notice the people around you. Be kind and mindful as you interact with others. Notice what happens when you are fully present, especially during tense moments.

At the end of each day, jot down a few highlights -- the good things and the challenges. Follow this discipline daily. After a month, review your progress. If you keep this up, you will be able to enlighten yourself about your life. You can guide your steps each day and, at the very least, make YOUR world better. Try it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 30-year-old son is in an abusive marriage. His wife hits him, locks him out of the house, calls him humiliating names and has alienated him from his friends and family. This has caused him to lose 50 pounds, and he has developed dangerous stress-related symptoms. He’s a shell of the person he once was. He acts confused and disoriented, rather than our smart, capable and popular son. It’s heartbreaking. He has tried to leave her, but she gets hysterical, threatens suicide and begs him to return. He gives in.

They have three small children who witness this abuse. He’s worried about the kids, but is so broken down he doesn’t feel capable of caring for them on his own. We’ve told him we will care for them, but he tells us it’s too much of a burden. My daughter-in-law refused to attend counseling after one session. My son continues to go on his own. It’s hard for us to be good in-laws when we’re aware of what’s going on. She often blows up at us if we try to talk about it. -- How to Help My Son, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR HOW TO HELP MY SON: Convince your son to report his wife to the police the next time she abuses him. In order for him to have a chance of breaking free from her and getting custody of the children, he will have to prove her abuse. He MUST report her. When she hurts him physically, he should take photos to document his injuries. The way out for him, unfortunately, will be through the legal system. He should also work to ensure that he has his money in order. He has you to help, which is great. You also should be prepared to testify on his behalf and against her, based on facts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just went to pick up a prescription at my local pharmacy, and I sat down at a blood-pressure machine. It says that I am obese. I know I have gained weight, but that was a shocker. I thought I was a little bit overweight -- but not according to this machine. I have always had a hard time working out and sticking to it. I need to take my health seriously. How can I get motivated? I have two small children. I need to be healthy for them. -- Fighting Obesity, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FIGHTING OBESITY: Start with a complete physical with your doctor. Do blood work to determine your health status, and mention any concerns you may have. Ask for a nutritionist to guide you on healthy, low-calorie eating. Join an exercise class or go to the gym. See if a neighbor or friend wants to buddy with you to work out. Having support can sometimes help you to develop discipline. Let your children be your motivation. If you want to live a healthy life to be able to provide for them, post their photos in a prominent place with a note saying, “Do it for them!” Keep a journal that records your successes and setbacks. Give yourself goals for fitness and health improvements. This will help you to stay focused.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)