DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating a guy for a year and a half. We spend just about every weekend together, and I’ve met his kids and parents. I’ve also gone to a few family functions. When we started dating, he told me he was living with his cousin and her kids on the other side of town. I never checked, and I recently found out he’s living with another woman. They’ve been living together for five years. When I asked him about it, he told me it was true.

Since then, he's moved out and is now renting a room from a college buddy. He explained that they’re working toward a peaceful split since they purchased a lot of things together. Should I wait for him to figure things out or drop him for not being honest from the start? -- False Start, Los Angeles

DEAR FALSE START: You have every reason to not trust this man. On one hand, he came off as a wholesome family man with great intentions about you and your relationship with him. On the other, he was not actually available to be with you and lied about it. Consider it good news that he made a move to show that he is attempting to break free of this woman and stand on his own two feet. But camping out in the room of an old college buddy is hardly secure.

If you really like him, tell him as much, but also let him know that he needs to get his act together before you resume your relationship. Let him know that you care about him, but you need him to straighten out his business with this woman and clear a path that is stable for his kids and includes you. Otherwise, you are out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy on an online dating site, and we’ve been dating for almost two months. I’m pretty sure he’s interested because he calls often, we spend a lot of time together and he’s opened up to me. But I have also noticed he’s still active on the dating site we met on. What really bothers me is that he’s updated his profile picture with a photo I took while we were out. I don’t know if I should be flattered because he likes my photography skills or if it’s completely messed up and he’s just using me? -- Dating.com, Albany, New York

DEAR DATING.COM: It is time for you to say something. Start by talking about the time you two are spending together. Tell him how you feel about him. If you think there is a chance that you can build something together, tell him you would like to try.

Then tell him you noticed that he is still posting on the dating site where you met, and that you saw that he had posted a photo you had taken of him. Ask him if you should feel flattered or saddened. If you want the opportunity to date this man exclusively, you will need to say as much and ask him if he wants the same thing. If he is noncommittal, take that as a cue that this is not the man for you, at least not now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is in his mid-40s, with a 21-year-old daughter. He paid for her to study cosmetology. During that time, he paid all her bills. Well, she finished school and moved back in, and she now says she’s no longer interested in beauty as a career. She has never worked a day in her life. She totaled her car, and he asked that I help her find another one. Last week, she had the nerve to ask for $400.

My boyfriend is going through a financial struggle, and because of that, he’s a little stressed. He still gives me $100 a week just in case I need anything. Now he wants me to let his daughter use the car he lent me so she can go see her boyfriend on the weekends. His ex-wife doesn’t help with any of their daughter’s expenses. I’m 28 with a 5-year-old, and thankfully my boyfriend is very involved in my child’s life, but I feel that his daughter is putting a strain on our relationship. He wants me to marry him, but I’m concerned his daughter will never get her life together and we will always take care of her. What should I do? -- Possible Step-Daughter Problem, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR POSSIBLE STEP-DAUGHTER PROBLEM: Step back and take a careful look at your situation. You and your boyfriend’s daughter are close in age while different in circumstances. It sounds like your boyfriend is doing the best he can to care for his daughter, who is just becoming a woman. Without her mother’s help, this has to be difficult. It sounds like he is also trying to do right by you and your child.

I recommend that you take a few deep breaths and stay quiet for now. Navigating a young adult is a challenge. It may take his daughter a while to figure out her path. If you step in to make comments, it will likely cause a rift between you and your man. Let things unfold as they will. Then you will have to decide if you can live with reality. If your boyfriend’s daughter needs ongoing support, it is likely that he will provide it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker and I are both foodies, and he started inviting me over for dinner twice a week. I’m 10 years older than him, but I really enjoy our time together. A few months ago, he started talking about his ex-girlfriend and thinking about getting back together with her. That lasted for a few weeks; then it was just us again.

We’ve never been intimate -- just good friends; however, now I think I’m falling for him. And again, he’s bringing up his ex. I gave him some space, but he seems to be interested in me. What do I do? -- Year of Back and Forth, Oakland, California

DEAR YEAR OF BACK AND FORTH: Decide whether you are willing to remain the foodie friend, or if you want to take the risk to ask for more. If you feel brave, tell your friend that you have something to share with him. Then, say it -- you like him more than just a friend. Ask if he feels the same. If so, see what happens. If not, decide if you can stay “just friends” after the revelation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought this would happen to me: I am a 35-year-old married woman who is having a full-blown affair. When we got married two years ago, we were compatible and had similar interests. I was not in love with him, but we had been dating for four years, and most of my friends were getting married. So when he proposed, it seemed like the right thing to do. Immediately after the wedding, we began to fight. He goes out drinking just about every night, and I hate it. I have suggested counseling, but he won't go. We haven't been intimate in six months.

Several weeks ago, I became friendly with a man at work. My co-worker paid a lot of attention to me and built up my battered self-esteem. It didn't take long for me to start seeing him on the side. This new guy is 40 and has never been married. He says he can make me happy and feel fulfilled, and I know he is right. He has asked me to leave my husband and marry him. I love him (my co-worker), but I hesitate to throw away the history I have with my husband. Also, I don't want to admit to my parents that my marriage is a failure. What should I do? -- Torn and Trapped, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR TORN AND TRAPPED: Deal with first things first. Stop dating your co-worker for now. If you feel there is a possibility of a life with him, ask him to wait until you handle your affairs at home. Then ask your husband for a divorce. Hire an attorney and draw up the papers. Take the time to go through the legal process and to explain to your husband that you no longer have faith in the marriage. Stay focused on uncoupling from your husband. When that is settled, you will discover if the other man remains an option. But don’t get the two confused. You don’t know what’s next until you make space for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our son and his wife have separated after four months of marriage; they will be divorcing shortly. They want to know what to do about the wedding gifts. Should gifts be returned when the marriage does not last six months? Many friends have said their gifts should be kept and that my son and his wife should divide them. Gifts of money were spent already on the honeymoon and on furnishing the house. -- 120-Day Marriage Gifts, Houston

DEAR 120-DAY MARRIAGE GIFTS: The going wisdom in 2018 is that you do not have to return the gifts. It is likely that the couple has used many of the gift items already. And clearly their thoughts are not on the fruits of the wedding but on whatever happened that has split them up so quickly. For now, they should focus on handling their business.

If there is any chance of reconciliation, they may want to seek professional counseling to figure that out. If divorce truly is imminent, they should handle that first. If they are inclined, it might be good to send a note to all of the guests informing them that, sadly, their marriage has ended. The note can ask for discretion and privacy during this period of transition as it also thanks guests for their love and support. This may help with the inevitable “How is married life?” questions that will pepper all conversations for months to come unless people know otherwise.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)