DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed a lot of people coming in and out of my next-door neighbor’s apartment. Mostly, they seem to be tourist types. A couple have been loud and kind of rowdy. I think she is renting out rooms in her home. There are too many people coming and going for these to be friend visits. I understand that people have to figure out how to make ends meet, but I have two small children, and I feel uncomfortable having so many people coming and going right next door to me. I’m pretty sure it’s not legal to do this. My neighbor isn’t open to talking to me. Should I call the police? I want to protect my kids. -- Close the Revolving Door, Manhattan, New York

DEAR CLOSE THE REVOLVING DOOR: Your neighbor probably is running a room rental through a service like Airbnb, which is legal in New York City if she is living in the home. It may be difficult for you to get any real support to shut down your neighbor’s room-rental hustle.

If something happens that makes you or your children feel unsafe, you can call 911. To file a complaint without cause for alarm, you can call 311 to report your concerns. Your complaint will be investigated. If your neighbor is not complying with the law, she may be shut down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a business conference this summer that drew people from all over the country who work in my field. This was my first time going to this kind of event, and it was a lot of fun. I made great contacts and came back to work feeling empowered and ready to make greater contributions to my firm. I discovered that since I was the only one who attended, some of my co-workers weren’t so keen on hearing what I learned. I think they were jealous. I’m the one who went because I asked management if I could go. It wasn’t to the exclusion of anyone else. How can I continue to make meaningful contributions to my job without upsetting my colleagues? -- Bridging the Divide, Minneapolis

DEAR BRIDGING THE DIVIDE: When you have opportunities that your colleagues do not, it is important to be sensitive to their reaction to this information. Moving forward, you may want to incorporate wisdom gained from your trip more subtly. You can make suggestions for things to do at your job without attributing the source of your knowledge. You can speak directly and privately with your manager and give a full download, including specifics about your sources. You can point out that some colleagues have bristled because you were the only one to attend. Recommend that there be a plan for next year in which a group of colleagues may be able to attend. This will show your team spirit. The company will have to decide what it is willing to support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a neighborhood that has a whole range of people. I see businessmen in suits, young men who hang out on the street, old people pushing walkers and more and more homeless people. I like that there is a variety of people. I feel good about not being in a homogeneous environment, but I am conflicted over what to do when people ask me for money every day. I am barely getting by myself. I do give to my church every month, but I don’t have the money to give to homeless people who ask for it -- yet I feel bad ignoring them. I don’t want to be one of those gentrified-type people who ignore people who have less than I do. What else can I do? I cannot afford to give them money. -- Showing Compassion, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SHOWING COMPASSION: You do not have to give money to everyone who asks, nor do you need to feel guilty about that. What you can do is to see the humanity in people. Instead of quickly pushing past people when they get too close, look unkempt or are begging for money, smile at the person, say “Have a good day,” or some other nicety. When asked for money, respond and say, “I’m sorry. Good day,” or “God bless you.” Acknowledge the person in front of you and keep moving. Know that a few of these people may say negative things to you, but my experience is that more will express gratitude for being seen.

On the occasion when you do have a few cents to give away or a garment to keep someone warm, offer it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with the same attorney for many years. He’s kind of an all-around type of attorney. I have a different need now that my husband and I are considering divorce. We need an expert to help walk us through options, and so far we haven’t made any headway. Our breakup is sad but not acrimonious. It’s time to move on, and we agree on that. We do have some assets, including our home and retirement funds, etc. I think I need an expert lawyer to help me handle this. How do I tell my attorney? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Using someone else almost feels like being involved in two divorces at once. -- Making Choices, Miami

DEAR MAKING CHOICES: Consider your attorney an asset right now. Tell him what’s going on and ask him for a referral. You need an expert divorce attorney. If he is a generalist, he knows already that this is not his area of expertise. If he offers to handle your case for you, tell him that you want and need an expert on divorce law. You need someone skilled at navigating division of resources, and you hope that he can make a few recommendations. If he doesn’t take this well, that’s on him. As a professional, he will likely be sensitive to your circumstances and introduce you to the most appropriate attorneys he knows.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know this seems like far, far away, but I’m planning for Christmas now. Usually we go all out with gifts for the family, but this year we don’t have the usual kind of resources. My husband lost his job a few months ago, and we are struggling. I have no interest in bringing up our circumstances to family, but I do need to manage expectations. Most of our family’s kids are teens or young adults, so the gifts are going primarily to people who don’t really need anything anyway -- grown siblings, aunts and uncles and my parents. How can I cut back on gifts without offending folks? -- Rethinking Christmas, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RETHINKING CHRISTMAS: Consider several options. You can make gifts for everyone -- like cookies, other edibles or crafts that they may like. You can limit gifts to your parents and children while giving the others cards, and tell your family that this year you are cutting back. You can suggest that the family consider doing a Secret Santa type of gift-giving this year, where everyone picks a name and you each get one gift rather than many. That, by the way, can be a lot of fun. If asked why, you can freely say that you want and need to be more frugal this year. Chances are, everyone will appreciate spending less at the holidays -- even if they aren’t in your particular circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is normally a straight-A student. He started high school this year, which was a big jump for him in terms of going to a new school, meeting new people and having a more rigorous academic schedule. He’s doing well in most classes, but in science he seems to be failing miserably. He has no experience with failing, which is making this situation incredibly difficult.

I want to support my son. I have told him that we all suffer failure at some point along the way, but it’s important to get up and keep trying to succeed. He seems deflated now and not willing to tackle this tough subject. How do I get him motivated again? -- Push Past Failure, Los Angeles

DEAR PUSH PAST FAILURE: High school typically is a lot harder than middle school, plus science can be difficult anyway. Point out to your son that he is stretching now as a student, and you are there to support him. Suggest to him that he speak to his teacher and ask for guidance, either for what to read and how to prepare to better understand the subject matter, or for the suggestion of a tutor. You can follow up with the teacher to inquire about how you, as a parent, can help your son to do better this class.

Remind your son again and again that failure is part of life. It’s what you do with failure that shows the kind of person you are. Learning and growing so that you don’t have to repeat a particular mistake is ideal. Just let him know that once he masters a challenge, there will most assuredly be another around the corner.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)