DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a neighborhood that has a whole range of people. I see businessmen in suits, young men who hang out on the street, old people pushing walkers and more and more homeless people. I like that there is a variety of people. I feel good about not being in a homogeneous environment, but I am conflicted over what to do when people ask me for money every day. I am barely getting by myself. I do give to my church every month, but I don’t have the money to give to homeless people who ask for it -- yet I feel bad ignoring them. I don’t want to be one of those gentrified-type people who ignore people who have less than I do. What else can I do? I cannot afford to give them money. -- Showing Compassion, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SHOWING COMPASSION: You do not have to give money to everyone who asks, nor do you need to feel guilty about that. What you can do is to see the humanity in people. Instead of quickly pushing past people when they get too close, look unkempt or are begging for money, smile at the person, say “Have a good day,” or some other nicety. When asked for money, respond and say, “I’m sorry. Good day,” or “God bless you.” Acknowledge the person in front of you and keep moving. Know that a few of these people may say negative things to you, but my experience is that more will express gratitude for being seen.

On the occasion when you do have a few cents to give away or a garment to keep someone warm, offer it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with the same attorney for many years. He’s kind of an all-around type of attorney. I have a different need now that my husband and I are considering divorce. We need an expert to help walk us through options, and so far we haven’t made any headway. Our breakup is sad but not acrimonious. It’s time to move on, and we agree on that. We do have some assets, including our home and retirement funds, etc. I think I need an expert lawyer to help me handle this. How do I tell my attorney? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Using someone else almost feels like being involved in two divorces at once. -- Making Choices, Miami

DEAR MAKING CHOICES: Consider your attorney an asset right now. Tell him what’s going on and ask him for a referral. You need an expert divorce attorney. If he is a generalist, he knows already that this is not his area of expertise. If he offers to handle your case for you, tell him that you want and need an expert on divorce law. You need someone skilled at navigating division of resources, and you hope that he can make a few recommendations. If he doesn’t take this well, that’s on him. As a professional, he will likely be sensitive to your circumstances and introduce you to the most appropriate attorneys he knows.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know this seems like far, far away, but I’m planning for Christmas now. Usually we go all out with gifts for the family, but this year we don’t have the usual kind of resources. My husband lost his job a few months ago, and we are struggling. I have no interest in bringing up our circumstances to family, but I do need to manage expectations. Most of our family’s kids are teens or young adults, so the gifts are going primarily to people who don’t really need anything anyway -- grown siblings, aunts and uncles and my parents. How can I cut back on gifts without offending folks? -- Rethinking Christmas, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RETHINKING CHRISTMAS: Consider several options. You can make gifts for everyone -- like cookies, other edibles or crafts that they may like. You can limit gifts to your parents and children while giving the others cards, and tell your family that this year you are cutting back. You can suggest that the family consider doing a Secret Santa type of gift-giving this year, where everyone picks a name and you each get one gift rather than many. That, by the way, can be a lot of fun. If asked why, you can freely say that you want and need to be more frugal this year. Chances are, everyone will appreciate spending less at the holidays -- even if they aren’t in your particular circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is normally a straight-A student. He started high school this year, which was a big jump for him in terms of going to a new school, meeting new people and having a more rigorous academic schedule. He’s doing well in most classes, but in science he seems to be failing miserably. He has no experience with failing, which is making this situation incredibly difficult.

I want to support my son. I have told him that we all suffer failure at some point along the way, but it’s important to get up and keep trying to succeed. He seems deflated now and not willing to tackle this tough subject. How do I get him motivated again? -- Push Past Failure, Los Angeles

DEAR PUSH PAST FAILURE: High school typically is a lot harder than middle school, plus science can be difficult anyway. Point out to your son that he is stretching now as a student, and you are there to support him. Suggest to him that he speak to his teacher and ask for guidance, either for what to read and how to prepare to better understand the subject matter, or for the suggestion of a tutor. You can follow up with the teacher to inquire about how you, as a parent, can help your son to do better this class.

Remind your son again and again that failure is part of life. It’s what you do with failure that shows the kind of person you are. Learning and growing so that you don’t have to repeat a particular mistake is ideal. Just let him know that once he masters a challenge, there will most assuredly be another around the corner.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for almost a year. He is super sweet, and we enjoy each other’s company. I told him I wanted and needed to take it slow, and he has been patient. I don’t want to rush into anything. But -- and this may sound weird -- one thing I’m really nervous about is that I wear a wig, and I don’t think he knows it. I have never spent the night with him, but I know the time will come. Plus, I wear different wigs for different occasions -- like ponytails for tennis and a bun wig for swimming. I don’t think he notices. He definitely never says anything. How can I tell him that my hair isn’t “my" hair? This feels almost as intimate as disrobing. -- Wearing a Wig, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WEARING A WIG: One thing that many women enjoy is being able to wear their hair in a variety of ways. For generations, wigs have helped women to have more creativity and control over their hairstyles. Your attitude about your hair is what matters here. If you can be upbeat and lighthearted about it, you can easily break the ice. You might mention to your boyfriend that you do wear wigs and have many, for different occasions. As you get more comfortable with him, you might show him your collection. Hopefully you take good care of your actual hair so that whenever the time comes and you do remove the wig, your hair underneath is clean and tidy.

By the way, there is no rush to reveal your wig status. When the time comes, just keep it light. It’s just another dimension of who you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth. I was talking to a new “friend” and planning to meet up with her. Turns out she hurt herself somehow at an event and couldn’t meet me. She said she hurt her feet or ankles or something -- I’m not sure. A friend saw her with leg braces on, so when I followed up to check on her, I asked if she was OK and if she still had to wear the leg braces. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, but she has a chronic disease. I was so embarrassed. I have broken my leg and foot before, so I know that crutches and braces are uncomfortable necessities at times. I was not as understanding in the moment as I would like to think I am usually. How can I show my new friend that I really can be more thoughtful? -- Supporting My Friend, Cleveland

DEAR SUPPORTING MY FRIEND: Don’t bring up the leg braces again. If your friend wants to discuss it with you, she will. Meanwhile, reach back to ask her when you can get together. You can invite her to an activity where you have mutual interests. You can also chat on the phone from time to time. When she feels better or is interested in spending time with you, she will let you know. In person, you can apologize for your insensitivity, if it seems appropriate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)