DEAR HARRIETTE: I know this seems like far, far away, but I’m planning for Christmas now. Usually we go all out with gifts for the family, but this year we don’t have the usual kind of resources. My husband lost his job a few months ago, and we are struggling. I have no interest in bringing up our circumstances to family, but I do need to manage expectations. Most of our family’s kids are teens or young adults, so the gifts are going primarily to people who don’t really need anything anyway -- grown siblings, aunts and uncles and my parents. How can I cut back on gifts without offending folks? -- Rethinking Christmas, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RETHINKING CHRISTMAS: Consider several options. You can make gifts for everyone -- like cookies, other edibles or crafts that they may like. You can limit gifts to your parents and children while giving the others cards, and tell your family that this year you are cutting back. You can suggest that the family consider doing a Secret Santa type of gift-giving this year, where everyone picks a name and you each get one gift rather than many. That, by the way, can be a lot of fun. If asked why, you can freely say that you want and need to be more frugal this year. Chances are, everyone will appreciate spending less at the holidays -- even if they aren’t in your particular circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is normally a straight-A student. He started high school this year, which was a big jump for him in terms of going to a new school, meeting new people and having a more rigorous academic schedule. He’s doing well in most classes, but in science he seems to be failing miserably. He has no experience with failing, which is making this situation incredibly difficult.

I want to support my son. I have told him that we all suffer failure at some point along the way, but it’s important to get up and keep trying to succeed. He seems deflated now and not willing to tackle this tough subject. How do I get him motivated again? -- Push Past Failure, Los Angeles

DEAR PUSH PAST FAILURE: High school typically is a lot harder than middle school, plus science can be difficult anyway. Point out to your son that he is stretching now as a student, and you are there to support him. Suggest to him that he speak to his teacher and ask for guidance, either for what to read and how to prepare to better understand the subject matter, or for the suggestion of a tutor. You can follow up with the teacher to inquire about how you, as a parent, can help your son to do better this class.

Remind your son again and again that failure is part of life. It’s what you do with failure that shows the kind of person you are. Learning and growing so that you don’t have to repeat a particular mistake is ideal. Just let him know that once he masters a challenge, there will most assuredly be another around the corner.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for almost a year. He is super sweet, and we enjoy each other’s company. I told him I wanted and needed to take it slow, and he has been patient. I don’t want to rush into anything. But -- and this may sound weird -- one thing I’m really nervous about is that I wear a wig, and I don’t think he knows it. I have never spent the night with him, but I know the time will come. Plus, I wear different wigs for different occasions -- like ponytails for tennis and a bun wig for swimming. I don’t think he notices. He definitely never says anything. How can I tell him that my hair isn’t “my" hair? This feels almost as intimate as disrobing. -- Wearing a Wig, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WEARING A WIG: One thing that many women enjoy is being able to wear their hair in a variety of ways. For generations, wigs have helped women to have more creativity and control over their hairstyles. Your attitude about your hair is what matters here. If you can be upbeat and lighthearted about it, you can easily break the ice. You might mention to your boyfriend that you do wear wigs and have many, for different occasions. As you get more comfortable with him, you might show him your collection. Hopefully you take good care of your actual hair so that whenever the time comes and you do remove the wig, your hair underneath is clean and tidy.

By the way, there is no rush to reveal your wig status. When the time comes, just keep it light. It’s just another dimension of who you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth. I was talking to a new “friend” and planning to meet up with her. Turns out she hurt herself somehow at an event and couldn’t meet me. She said she hurt her feet or ankles or something -- I’m not sure. A friend saw her with leg braces on, so when I followed up to check on her, I asked if she was OK and if she still had to wear the leg braces. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, but she has a chronic disease. I was so embarrassed. I have broken my leg and foot before, so I know that crutches and braces are uncomfortable necessities at times. I was not as understanding in the moment as I would like to think I am usually. How can I show my new friend that I really can be more thoughtful? -- Supporting My Friend, Cleveland

DEAR SUPPORTING MY FRIEND: Don’t bring up the leg braces again. If your friend wants to discuss it with you, she will. Meanwhile, reach back to ask her when you can get together. You can invite her to an activity where you have mutual interests. You can also chat on the phone from time to time. When she feels better or is interested in spending time with you, she will let you know. In person, you can apologize for your insensitivity, if it seems appropriate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have teenagers who are just starting to date, and frankly, I am concerned about all of the talk of sexual misconduct in the news and how that might affect their choices. My kids are the same age as Judge Brett Kavanaugh and his high school accuser at the time of the alleged incident. They know what the allegations are.

Forget whether he becomes a Supreme Court justice for a moment; I’m worried about my kids possibly becoming numb to hearing about sexual misconduct and for it to seem commonplace and not worth reporting. I don’t know how to address this situation to make it real for my children without getting involved in a political discussion. It’s not that we avoid politics. We talk about that, too, but this is real and could happen to them.

I want to talk to my daughter and son about what they would do if they were faced with a potentially dangerous situation like the one being described. How do I approach this? -- Having the Conversation, Seattle

DEAR HAVING THE CONVERSATION: What we as parents learn is that virtually every situation can become a teachable moment. Your children see things going on in their world and experience challenging situations or assaults on their values, and they rely on you to help them understand what to do. As the groundswell of awareness around sexual misconduct grows, you must talk to your children about their choices, their actions and their ability to protect themselves.

The way I approached the Kavanaugh accusations with my teenage daughter may be helpful to you. I asked if she knew the allegations. She did. Then I put her in the moment. She likes to go to parties and hang out with friends. I reminded her that this type of incident is part of why I do not ever want her to go to someone’s home when an adult isn’t there, especially not to a party. I asked her what she would do if someone attacked her or one of her friends. When would she call the police? That was a scary question for her and got her thinking. God forbid, if she were attacked in any way, or even if she finds herself in a compromising or unsafe situation, I let her know that she can always call me (or tell me later), and I will be there -- without judgment. We established a safe word she can text me that serves as an SOS. Our children need to know that we will support them. They need to trust that they can reach out to us for help no matter how bad the situation may be.

Our children also need to understand that in today’s world, every single thing they do can be and often is recorded via smartphone and social media. The difference between the Kavanaugh situation and today is that Kavanaugh is facing allegations that amount to he said-she said. Whatever our teens do today will likely be documented in photos and video. A record of their actions will live in perpetuity. Our job is to help our children recognize the impact of this reality. Every thought, word and deed counts and can affect them many years later. They do not have the luxury to make repeated bad choices without the possibility of penalty in the future. Whatever they do, they must learn that they absolutely cannot lie about it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)