DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lived in my neighborhood for about 25 years, and it has changed so much that I hardly recognize it. As all kinds of people move in and it becomes "gentrified," I am noticing that people are not as friendly as they used to be. The haves and have-nots are more noticeable. As much as I hate it, I see that racial tension is building as well. This makes me really sad.

I know that change is part of life, but I hate that I’m thinking of moving because of what’s happening to my neighborhood. I have seen newcomers look down at people who have been here for generations. This summer was the worst. New neighbors called the police a few times because folks were sitting outside talking and laughing at night on the weekend. It’s like they want the traditions to end so that they can be comfortable. I don’t appreciate that. What can I do to help keep the spirit alive instead of giving up? -- There Goes the Neighborhood, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD: This is where community activism and engagement come in. Join your local community board to help organize around positive action. If there is a block association where you live, join that. Become active in the neighborhood church. And be proactive with your new neighbors. Meet them, welcome them and educate them about the history of your neighborhood. Talk to them about the culture of the people who live where they have moved. Gently point out that they didn’t just buy a house or an apartment, they are buying into a community that has lived there for generations and that has a soul. Encourage them to learn about that soul and find ways to respect it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my mother’s longtime friends is very ill. Well, in a way, all of the ones who are still living are not well. They are 80-plus years old and dealing with various ailments. But one of them used to be very close to me. I have not talked to her a lot in recent years, but when I learned that she is doing poorly, I thought I should be in touch. Do you think she will want to hear from me given that several years have passed since I last reached out to her? I don’t want to upset her. I want to offer my love at this time when she is not doing so well. -- Reaching Out, Atlanta

DEAR REACHING OUT: By all means, reach out to your mother’s friend right away. Do not apologize for the time lapse since you last spoke. Just start talking to her. Tell her that you have been thinking about her and wanted to say hello. Ask her how she is doing, but do not probe. Let her tell you whatever she wants to share. Be sure to tell her highlights about your life that will make her happy. Chances are, she will be happy to hear from you and thrilled to chat. The best follow-up for you will be to call her again soon. Being remembered when you are old is precious.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become part of a group of female colleagues at my job who like to go out for dinner and drinks once a week. It’s nice to get to know these women, but I am in an entry-level role, and I can’t afford to keep up with them. I don’t want to come off as not wanting to spend time with them, and I also don’t want to cry poor. How can I handle this? I know that bonding with colleagues can lead to opportunities, but this weekly engagement is way above my pay grade. -- Can't Hang, Rochester, New York

DEAR CAN’T HANG: Perhaps you can go for drinks with the group but not stay for dinner. If you bring cash, you can give the money for your drink(s) plus tip to one of the people who will be staying, and then you can dash out without making a scene or having to share in the cost of a group bill, which often can become unwieldy.

You can also say at some point along the way that you can’t afford it. Trust that you won’t be the only one. Perhaps you can commit to joining them once a month. That may be an amount you can manage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a guy who started his career at the same time as me, some 20 years ago. This guy stuck with the career path and has done well. I have floundered a bit. What gets under my skin is that he isn’t even all that good at the craft. What I see is that sticking to it counts for a lot. I think he had a lot more confidence in himself than I have had over the years.

Anyway, I am feeling kind of down because my career never took off. Seeing this man and his success has made me feel worse about myself. I know that envying others is a sin, but I can’t help but feel like I missed the boat and he didn’t. How can I change my attitude? -- Wanting to Be in Other Shoes, Los Angeles

DEAR WANTING TO BE IN OTHER SHOES: Thank you for your honesty. Recognizing the feeling you had when you came upon this man for what it is can be helpful. It is true that it can be hard to accept someone else’s success when you are not feeling successful yourself. But you are right to know that it is dangerous to envy this man. This will only make you fall into a deeper pit of self-loathing.

Consider this encounter from a different perspective: Running into this guy could serve as motivation. This may be your "aha" moment. It’s not too late for you to restart your engine and reinvigorate your career. Rather than letting this man get you down, let him inspire you to take a step toward your own goals and dreams. Turn this painful moment into a positive for your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just got a big promotion at her job. She told me about it, but she made me promise not to say anything. She is married to a controlling man who doesn’t like that she has a great career. The way she manages that is by downplaying her accomplishments. When she is at home, she is wife and mother. Rarely does she talk about her job.

My friend told me she is afraid that if I brag about her and put anything on social media, her husband may learn about it and get mad at her. I think this sounds crazy. Hiding who she is from the man she is married to doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, her children have no idea how amazing their mother is. This is weird and unhealthy, from my perspective, yet they have been married and doing this for more than 15 years. How can I get her to see that? -- Friend in Need, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Your friend has a right to live her life as she pleases. As difficult as it is for you to observe, you should not interfere. You would be surprised to know how many couples live out this scenario. We still live in a society where men typically are valued more than women. This is generally true regarding wages, job security and even reaching the glass ceiling. So when a wife exceeds all typical expectations, it can be intimidating for some husbands. Clearly, your friend has chosen to downplay what she does outside of her home in order to keep the peace. You don’t have to agree with her choices. You do need to stay out of it.

As far as her children are concerned, encourage your friend to expose them to options for their lives as they grow up so that they can see that the sky is the limit. You can suggest that she let them know about her work -- especially at pivotal moments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am definitely stretched too thin, and now it’s causing me a problem. I work freelance on many projects. I am a member of two civic organizations. I am active in my church and in my children’s schools. I find it hard to say no because I know how to get things done. I have become the go-to person for everybody, it seems.

Just recently, it started falling apart. I double-booked myself for two very important projects. They are occurring literally at the same time. One is for work and one is for church. I have to work, but I feel horrible letting down my church. I told my pastor when I realized my mistake, but this is pointing to a bigger problem. I can’t juggle all these balls. It is too much. How do I get out of some of these commitments? -- Entangled, Detroit

DEAR ENTANGLED: You need to push pause on everything for a moment and regroup. First, take a nap. Literally rest yourself so that you have the presence of mind to think straight. Next, pull out your calendar and look to see what you have already committed to doing. Now, build in time for rest and for play. Look closely to see what you must remove in order to create this more flexible schedule. Now contact those individuals and tell them that you will not be able to participate as fully or at all because you do not have the energy to do that anymore. “No” is a complete sentence. Use it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)