DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just got a big promotion at her job. She told me about it, but she made me promise not to say anything. She is married to a controlling man who doesn’t like that she has a great career. The way she manages that is by downplaying her accomplishments. When she is at home, she is wife and mother. Rarely does she talk about her job.

My friend told me she is afraid that if I brag about her and put anything on social media, her husband may learn about it and get mad at her. I think this sounds crazy. Hiding who she is from the man she is married to doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, her children have no idea how amazing their mother is. This is weird and unhealthy, from my perspective, yet they have been married and doing this for more than 15 years. How can I get her to see that? -- Friend in Need, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Your friend has a right to live her life as she pleases. As difficult as it is for you to observe, you should not interfere. You would be surprised to know how many couples live out this scenario. We still live in a society where men typically are valued more than women. This is generally true regarding wages, job security and even reaching the glass ceiling. So when a wife exceeds all typical expectations, it can be intimidating for some husbands. Clearly, your friend has chosen to downplay what she does outside of her home in order to keep the peace. You don’t have to agree with her choices. You do need to stay out of it.

As far as her children are concerned, encourage your friend to expose them to options for their lives as they grow up so that they can see that the sky is the limit. You can suggest that she let them know about her work -- especially at pivotal moments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am definitely stretched too thin, and now it’s causing me a problem. I work freelance on many projects. I am a member of two civic organizations. I am active in my church and in my children’s schools. I find it hard to say no because I know how to get things done. I have become the go-to person for everybody, it seems.

Just recently, it started falling apart. I double-booked myself for two very important projects. They are occurring literally at the same time. One is for work and one is for church. I have to work, but I feel horrible letting down my church. I told my pastor when I realized my mistake, but this is pointing to a bigger problem. I can’t juggle all these balls. It is too much. How do I get out of some of these commitments? -- Entangled, Detroit

DEAR ENTANGLED: You need to push pause on everything for a moment and regroup. First, take a nap. Literally rest yourself so that you have the presence of mind to think straight. Next, pull out your calendar and look to see what you have already committed to doing. Now, build in time for rest and for play. Look closely to see what you must remove in order to create this more flexible schedule. Now contact those individuals and tell them that you will not be able to participate as fully or at all because you do not have the energy to do that anymore. “No” is a complete sentence. Use it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has been single for years. Recently, she started dating a guy who is 13 years her junior. She seems really happy, but she also seems obsessed with his age. She showed me a picture of the two of them and then went on and on about how she doesn’t mean to be a cougar. She asked me a million times if she looks young for her age. She does, but I couldn’t lie and tell her she looks as young as her boyfriend. I did tell her that they look happy in the photo, and if they like each other, that’s all that counts. She keeps asking for reassurances. What else can I say? -- Cougar, Milwaukee

DEAR COUGAR: Stop saying anything. Let your friend figure out her life. I understand that it can feel awkward and new for an older woman to take up with a younger man. The reality, though, is that it happens all the time with older men, and rarely does anyone blink. That age difference is not so vast that they can’t find compatible interests.

Your friend should pay attention to what she’s got and nurture that relationship. If she keeps talking about how young he is, that may make it uncomfortable for him. Obviously he likes her if he has chosen to be with her. That’s what’s most important. Next time she asks you, remind her to pay attention to him rather than what people are saying -- and live her life!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that an old boyfriend of mine is getting married to a woman I know. I haven’t dated him for years, so I have no issues with this. I’m actually really happy for them. I think they are probably well-suited for each other.

Is it appropriate for me to congratulate them on their upcoming nuptials? When he and I broke up more than 10 years ago, it was on good terms. We sort of grew in different ways, and it just naturally ended. We have remained cordial over the years. We share a couple of mutual friends, so I have had occasion to run into him from time to time. I don’t know her as well, but I see her at social events. Is it OK for me to call him or send him a congratulatory note? -- Wish Them Well, Dallas

DEAR WISH THEM WELL: In a word, yes! If you have no ulterior motive and truly want to offer your blessing, go for it. Since you know how to reach him, a call of congratulations would be nice. Tell him you learned of his upcoming wedding and that you want him to know how happy you are for him and his bride. Point out that you know her a bit and think they are well-suited. Keep the conversation short and sweet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I no longer sleep in the same room. It all started when the air conditioner broke in our bedroom. It was so hot that I couldn’t sleep in there. Now I have been sleeping in the living room for several months -- and I like it. No snoring. No interruptions. Everything else is pretty much the same, except for where we lay our heads. Does it seem odd that I like being in the other room better? Do you think this is a sign of trouble in our marriage? -- Sleeping Arrangements, Boston

DEAR SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS: I think you and your husband should talk about it. Patterns emerge and change over the years in marriages. When something as significant as where you sleep changes, it is wise for you to check in to see how you both feel about it.

I know a couple who were married almost 50 years. For at least 20 of them, they had separate bedrooms. The wife once told me that the way they continued to have intimacy well into their 70s was by planning once-a-month trysts that were romantic and tender. On those evenings, they stayed in the same room.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For years I was extremely active in my church. I taught Sunday school when my kids were little. I sang in the choir every Sunday for decades. Now, my kids are grown, and I am tired. I don’t go to church as much as I used to, even though I do continue to tithe. My workload is heavy, and I often rest on Sunday mornings. I tend to go to church for special occasions and for Communion.

I feel comfortable with my new attendance schedule, but whenever I show up, somebody has a wisecrack to make. Most of those people never put in the kind of time that I did over the years. How do I handle the criticism? -- Tired Churchgoer, San Diego

DEAR TIRED CHURCHGOER: Clearly you have served for years at your church. This is great and should make you happy. The discipline of being part of your church community was important to you for a long time, especially when your children were growing up. That you now have established a less-rigorous rhythm is OK. What’s most important is for you to check in with yourself. Do you feel spiritually whole? Are you receiving the support you need to fortify that part of your life? If you are at peace with your new schedule, ignore the parishioners who criticize you. There will always be people who have opinions. Just make sure that you are following a path that supports your heart and soul.

If you feel like you want to respond to any of these people, you can simply say that you feel good about your new schedule. You remain an active member of the community and a monthly tither. You can add that you believe it’s time for others to step in and do some of the things that you once managed. In a community, everybody should share the workload. Encourage them to step up and do more.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)