DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has been single for years. Recently, she started dating a guy who is 13 years her junior. She seems really happy, but she also seems obsessed with his age. She showed me a picture of the two of them and then went on and on about how she doesn’t mean to be a cougar. She asked me a million times if she looks young for her age. She does, but I couldn’t lie and tell her she looks as young as her boyfriend. I did tell her that they look happy in the photo, and if they like each other, that’s all that counts. She keeps asking for reassurances. What else can I say? -- Cougar, Milwaukee

DEAR COUGAR: Stop saying anything. Let your friend figure out her life. I understand that it can feel awkward and new for an older woman to take up with a younger man. The reality, though, is that it happens all the time with older men, and rarely does anyone blink. That age difference is not so vast that they can’t find compatible interests.

Your friend should pay attention to what she’s got and nurture that relationship. If she keeps talking about how young he is, that may make it uncomfortable for him. Obviously he likes her if he has chosen to be with her. That’s what’s most important. Next time she asks you, remind her to pay attention to him rather than what people are saying -- and live her life!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that an old boyfriend of mine is getting married to a woman I know. I haven’t dated him for years, so I have no issues with this. I’m actually really happy for them. I think they are probably well-suited for each other.

Is it appropriate for me to congratulate them on their upcoming nuptials? When he and I broke up more than 10 years ago, it was on good terms. We sort of grew in different ways, and it just naturally ended. We have remained cordial over the years. We share a couple of mutual friends, so I have had occasion to run into him from time to time. I don’t know her as well, but I see her at social events. Is it OK for me to call him or send him a congratulatory note? -- Wish Them Well, Dallas

DEAR WISH THEM WELL: In a word, yes! If you have no ulterior motive and truly want to offer your blessing, go for it. Since you know how to reach him, a call of congratulations would be nice. Tell him you learned of his upcoming wedding and that you want him to know how happy you are for him and his bride. Point out that you know her a bit and think they are well-suited. Keep the conversation short and sweet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I no longer sleep in the same room. It all started when the air conditioner broke in our bedroom. It was so hot that I couldn’t sleep in there. Now I have been sleeping in the living room for several months -- and I like it. No snoring. No interruptions. Everything else is pretty much the same, except for where we lay our heads. Does it seem odd that I like being in the other room better? Do you think this is a sign of trouble in our marriage? -- Sleeping Arrangements, Boston

DEAR SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS: I think you and your husband should talk about it. Patterns emerge and change over the years in marriages. When something as significant as where you sleep changes, it is wise for you to check in to see how you both feel about it.

I know a couple who were married almost 50 years. For at least 20 of them, they had separate bedrooms. The wife once told me that the way they continued to have intimacy well into their 70s was by planning once-a-month trysts that were romantic and tender. On those evenings, they stayed in the same room.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For years I was extremely active in my church. I taught Sunday school when my kids were little. I sang in the choir every Sunday for decades. Now, my kids are grown, and I am tired. I don’t go to church as much as I used to, even though I do continue to tithe. My workload is heavy, and I often rest on Sunday mornings. I tend to go to church for special occasions and for Communion.

I feel comfortable with my new attendance schedule, but whenever I show up, somebody has a wisecrack to make. Most of those people never put in the kind of time that I did over the years. How do I handle the criticism? -- Tired Churchgoer, San Diego

DEAR TIRED CHURCHGOER: Clearly you have served for years at your church. This is great and should make you happy. The discipline of being part of your church community was important to you for a long time, especially when your children were growing up. That you now have established a less-rigorous rhythm is OK. What’s most important is for you to check in with yourself. Do you feel spiritually whole? Are you receiving the support you need to fortify that part of your life? If you are at peace with your new schedule, ignore the parishioners who criticize you. There will always be people who have opinions. Just make sure that you are following a path that supports your heart and soul.

If you feel like you want to respond to any of these people, you can simply say that you feel good about your new schedule. You remain an active member of the community and a monthly tither. You can add that you believe it’s time for others to step in and do some of the things that you once managed. In a community, everybody should share the workload. Encourage them to step up and do more.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is time for my son to take driver’s ed, and I am happy about it. We live in the suburbs. Once he masters driving, I won’t have to take him everywhere. He is a responsible young man, and I know he will do his best to be a good driver. My husband, however, is skeptical about the whole thing. He thinks my son should wait until he is 18 to learn to drive. I think that’s way too late, for two reasons. First, I’m tired of being his chauffeur. My husband rarely takes him anywhere. But also, he will be heading off to college at 18. I want him to become a good driver while we are still in his orbit. I think it’s a mistake to wait that long. I don’t want to argue with my husband. How can I get him to understand? -- Moving Toward Independence, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR MOVING TOWARD INDEPENDENCE: Take a positive approach when talking to your husband. Remind him how quickly time will pass before your son goes away to school. Tell him you think it’s wise to guide him as a driver while he is still living at home. He may understand that. You may also begin to ask him to take your son places; you can be unavailable and urge your husband to step in. If your husband gets a taste for how demanding it can be to be your son’s car service, that experience may help him to change his mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a famous story in my family about my great-aunt, who was old but not ill. She had come to live with my grandmother, and after a while, it felt like she was imposing on the family. She was no longer working and had no money. She felt bad about not being able to contribute to the home, so she decided to die. The story goes that she just stopped eating. After a few months, she withered away and was gone.

I was always horrified to hear that story, but now I understand. I am a senior citizen, and I have been out of work for several years now and do not have enough money to buy groceries, let alone keep a roof over my head. I do not want to be a burden on my kids as they are building their families. Do you think I’m crazy for having these thoughts like my great-aunt? -- End-of-Life Thoughts, Cleveland

DEAR END-OF-LIFE THOUGHTS: What you didn’t tell us was how the rest of the family felt about your great-aunt’s decision. I bet they would have preferred to share their food with her and have her with them longer, even if resources were low.

It sounds like you need to get some mental health counseling and financial support. Go to your local community center, church or hospital to learn where you can get free or low-cost counseling. Be honest about your situation, and ask for guidance. There may be government resources available to ease the burden. You may even be able to find a job for seniors that will put a little change in your pocket. Don’t give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)