DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel terrible right now. I have been passed up yet again for a job I really wanted. The person who got it is an industry friend. I know I should be happy for her, but it’s hard to feel that. I believe I was more qualified for the job. Obviously only one person could get it, but it should have been me. The company made a big announcement this week, and I am so upset about it. How can I quiet my negative feelings on this one? I know I should reach out to this woman and congratulate her, turn the page and look for something else. But right now, all I want to do is scream. -- Passed Over, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR PASSED OVER: I am sorry that you were not selected for the job you so wanted. That is a tough experience to go through. It is understandable that you are still upset. Maybe you should let out a big ol' scream so that you release all the pent-up anger you have. Allow yourself to be mad for a moment. Let it all out, and then let go of those feelings.

You can write your industry friend a note of congratulations. Wish her well and leave it at that. You do not need to say anything about your feelings. Chances are, she doesn’t even know that you applied for this job. Don’t talk about your loss. That will only keep the anger alive.

Beyond that, you should refocus your attention on you and what you want for your career. Look for other opportunities that may be fulfilling. This one no longer exists.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor has a newborn, and the baby screams his head off almost every night. The walls in our building are pretty thin, and sometimes the screaming wakes me. I know that my neighbor can’t control the child’s cries, but I’m beginning to feel like I have a baby, too. What can I do or say to reduce the noise in the middle of the night? -- Crying Baby Blues, Philadelphia

DEAR CRYING BABY BLUES: If you don’t have rugs in your apartment, you may want to consider investing in one to put in the room that is closest to the baby’s cries. Rugs absorb sound and may help to muffle the sound a bit. Also consider getting a white-noise machine. That, too, helps to make sounds less audible.

If you have a good rapport with the mom, you might make the same recommendations to her. If she uses a rug in her apartment, it can help to reduce the sounds. Tell her what you are doing to try to make it more comfortable to sleep. Ask her if she would do the same.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has admitted that she has an eating disorder, which I suspected for years based on how she looks. A few years ago, she admitted herself to rehab a couple of times to try to change her behavior and get healthier. That’s when she confessed to me that she had this issue.

I saw her the other day after many months of talking only occasionally over the phone. She looks smaller than ever. She has gotten so frail. I am worried about her, but I’m not sure how I can be of help. Do I bring it up and ask her what’s going on? Do I tell her that I can see that she has lost weight? Do I say nothing? I think I would be mad if my friends started asking me about my weight fluctuations. -- Friend in Need, Miami

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Since your friend opened the door to this conversation to you before, you have permission to bring it up -- carefully. When you talk to her next, ask her how she is feeling and how she is managing her disorder. Tell her that that last time you saw her you were concerned that she seemed to look smaller. Remind her that you love her and want only the best for her, and you are concerned about her health. The final thing you should say on this matter is to let her know that if she ever needs your help in any way, all she has to do is ask.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is nearing 90 years old. She is in relatively good health, but we had to move her into a retirement community a while back because she was having trouble living alone. Now that she is in this facility, it seems that she’s become needier. The facility offers lots of activities to keep her busy, which she participates in occasionally. But whenever she talks to me or my siblings, she lays on the guilt trip. There’s always something we didn’t do right for her. She says she doesn’t hear from us enough -- even though we call her almost daily. We want her to be happy, and she’s not right now. Sadly, none of us can have her move into our homes, in large part because we aren’t there during the day. She would be completely alone if she came to us. How can we help her to be happy? -- Aging Mom in Need, Washington, D.C.

DEAR AGING MOM IN NEED: Do your best to look past your mother’s complaints. She is dealing with a lot. It sounds like she has her mental faculties, which is a blessing, but also it means that she realizes that she is not as able-bodied as she used to be. She is far more limited than is comfortable for her, and that has to be frustrating.

Rather than feed into her gripes, continue to call and visit her, and remind her of how much you love and appreciate her. Bring her little gifts when you visit. Talk to her about your day and what’s going on in the family. This will give her information she can talk about with her friends at the facility. Older people love to brag about their families. Point out positive things when she starts going toward the negative.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working at a part-time job for a couple of years, and it’s always an agonizing experience. The owner of the business is scatterbrained. She constantly berates her staff about the littlest things, and her manner is hard to stomach. Plus, the pay is really low. I got into the job because I do like the work -- an educational project that is inspirational in nature. I try to keep that in mind when my boss is going off on one or more of the staff. But I’m getting tired.

I talked to my husband about it, and he told me I should walk away from the job. He says I shouldn’t stay in a situation that is toxic. I reminded him of how tight our finances are. He said, “When one door closes, another door opens.” I’m afraid to leave this job. I have another friend who didn’t like his job and walked, and now he is struggling way worse. What should I do? -- At a Loss, Seattle

DEAR AT A LOSS: Talk to your husband in more detail about your finances and how you will be able to pay your bills if you leave this job. Be specific about every bill that your household has, and figure out if he can carry the weight for a period of time. If you can come to terms with how you will be able to manage for the next year -- in case you don’t replace this income by then -- you have the freedom to walk away responsibly. Then you can go to your boss and thank her for the opportunity to work there as you tell her that it is time for you to go. If she asks why, be careful in your response. You do not need to go into detail about her behavior. You can just tell her it wasn’t a good fit. You can also say that it was hard for you to work in a place that is so volatile. If you want to warn others, you can go to glassdoor.com to post an anonymous review of the work environment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a young friend who recently graduated from college. He has been floundering about, trying to get his footing. He lives at home, and I don't think this is helping him. He doesn’t seem to have enough drive to go out and find a job. He actually had a part-time job at a fast-food restaurant and got fired because he had a bad attitude. Really? He has asked me for advice to get his life together. I’m not sure what to tell him. Ideas? -- Lost Friend, Dallas

DEAR LOST FRIEND: You can give your young friend a pep talk about the working world. Point out that in order to make your way in life, you have to work hard at whatever you do. That includes working for minimum wage in a fast-food restaurant. Having a positive, professional attitude should be his daily practice. Suggest that he make a list of the jobs he would like to have, match the jobs to his skill set and apply for several jobs in those fields every week. He must work on this pursuit daily in order to meet with success.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)