DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a freelance project that is interesting but also low-paying. Recently, I was asked to do another project for this company for an even lower price. I debated with the project manager, giving arguments for why I thought I deserved a higher rate, but to no avail.

On the first day of work, I spoke with a colleague about the fee, as I was told previously that our roles were paid the same rate. Shockingly, I learned that he was being paid a higher rate than me. I am so upset. I know that we live in a country where women still make less than men, but I didn’t think it would be this blatant. I am furious. Yes, I need this gig, but I can’t act like I don’t know this. How should I proceed? -- Unequal Pay, Chicago

DEAR UNEQUAL PAY: I’m sorry that this happened to you, even though, sadly, it is common. If you are ready for a fight, speak up. Address the pay discrepancy with your boss -- preferably in writing. Send a note directly to your boss stating what you learned about pay scale discrepancies. Be specific, and express your surprise to learn that the rates were different, given your previous assurance that these roles received equal pay. Ask for your fee to be revised retroactively for the current project.

If your boss does not respond with an agreement to pay you the same rate or a promise to look into it and get back to you immediately, engage a lawyer. You can find an attorney who specializes in discrimination suits who can help you draft a more formal complaint letter where you point out the discrimination and request fair compensation. Generally, these attorneys will work with you to get a settlement without taking pay until you receive an award. What you don’t want to do is quit. You have no leverage with the company if you no longer work there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is beginning to plan our Christmas holiday vacation. Typically, we all meet at my sister’s house, which requires my husband, my kids and me to travel. This has worked out well over the years as we are able to drive and stay with her. We all have a great time, and it’s relatively affordable.

My sister now wants to move the gathering to Florida so that we can enjoy the warm weather and visit with another relative who lives down there. I’m worried that we cannot afford the plane tickets -- forget about the rest of the cost of the trip. My sister and her husband are doing well financially, but my husband and I have been struggling for the past few years. She knows this and is trying to be sensitive to everyone’s situation. What can I do to make it possible for my family to join the celebration? -- Family Gathering, Detroit

DEAR FAMILY GATHERING: Be more specific with your sister about your finances. Tell her you are concerned that the trip will be more expensive than you can afford. One way to defray the cost might be to see if she has airline miles from a credit card that she can use to “buy” you plane tickets. She might also consider renting a big house via Airbnb that has enough bedrooms for the whole family to stay together. This, too, will cut down significantly on costs.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend, "Clare," has been dating her boyfriend for almost four years, and I honestly haven’t seen her at all. Clare’s boyfriend is very active and out there, and to put this mildly, she follows him around like a puppy. She spends all her time with him. My girlfriends and I never said anything to her because we were just happy that she was so happy with him.

I am also in a relationship, but my boyfriend and I have been doing long-distance for almost a year. I get to see him every three weeks. Because we switch off every three weeks, we like to buy our plane tickets in advance. I have a plan to see my boyfriend in two weeks, but that’s the same weekend Clare wants to celebrate her birthday. When I told her I would not be able to make it, she started yelling at me, saying that I see my boyfriend so much and that it’s her weekend, etc. I was taken aback by this. I know I should be the bigger person and apologize, but I want to confront her and tell her how hypocritical everything she said was because she doesn’t do anything without her boyfriend. Would that just be wrong of me? -- My Best Friend's a Hypocrite, Salt Lake City

DEAR MY BEST FRIEND’S A HYPOCRITE: Now is the time for you to have a voice. Your job is to tell Clare, without emotion, that she has spent the past four years putting her boyfriend before any of her friends, including you. Tell her that you are offended that she would snap at you about your plans with your boyfriend. Make it clear that you are sorry that you cannot be there for her party, but point out that she did not check in with you before scheduling the date.

Let Clare know that you realize how much of a challenge it is to be a good friend and a good girlfriend. Ask her not to judge you considering that you have worked hard not to judge her even though she regularly puts her boyfriend before you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad just got a job offer in Australia, and my family and I are moving soon. I’m going to be entering my junior year of high school, so I am petrified, to say the least. High school is such an awkward age to transfer into a school. I know that many kids have to do it because of their parents' jobs, but I never thought that I would be one of them. I know I shouldn't be mad because it’s not my dad's fault and this is such a wonderful opportunity for him, but I am really upset. I have a strong group of friends here, and I know I’m not going to find the same thing over there. I haven't had to go out and make friends in forever because I grew up with my best friends. How am I supposed to make new friends when everyone will already have a set group of friends? -- Weird New Girl, Westchester, New York

DEAR WEIRD NEW GIRL: It is scary to move far away when you are a teenager. Your life already feels complicated. What you have to do is take each day at a time and trust that you will find people you will like. Keep your eyes wide open. As my mother used to say, “Notice the bright lights in the room.” Who stands out for you as interesting, compassionate, funny, likeable? Join clubs that focus on your interests, and notice the students there. Over time, you will make your way. I promise.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I baby-sit for this family, the mom works from home. I understand that she can’t cater to her children and work at the same time, but it makes me uncomfortable. It's strange: I will be in the kitchen making the kids lunch, she will be in there making herself lunch, and then we will all sit together. Or the kids and I will be playing, and she will come and watch for 20 minutes. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. When the kids have a problem, they will ask her instead of me, even though she is doing work and doesn’t want to be distracted. It’s just hard that she’s home when I’m there. Is it weird that I get irritated by this? -- Annoyed Baby Sitter, Reston, Virginia

DEAR ANNOYED BABY SITTER: It is understandable that you feel some awkwardness in trying to establish a rhythm and a sense of authority when the mom of the children you are baby-sitting is right there. Naturally, they go to their mother when decisions have to be made or when problems arise. You will never be able to compete with that, nor should you want to. Instead, you need to develop ground rules with the mother about your role and her expectations. Whatever she wants the children to do, she has to agree on with you and reinforce with them. If there are times when she is going to be unavailable, that needs to be made clear to everyone. Perhaps she can put a sign on her door saying, “PRIVACY PLEASE.” During that period, the children must learn that they have to follow your direction entirely. Partner with the mom on a plan that works for everyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event recently and ran into a woman who I have seen over the years but don’t know well. We made small talk. Later, I realized who she was. She has a huge job in my industry, and I feel like a dunce for not acknowledging her specifically.

After I realized who she was, I asked her a couple of things about her current job and company. She is the “new” boss at a company where I used to freelance for years. When she got the position, I stopped getting any work. When she first started, I wrote her a nice note and followed up once, but she never gave me a chance to do any work with her. Still, I feel bad that I did not recognize her. Should I follow up and say that I’m sorry I didn’t know her at first? Or do I just let it be? -- Don't Know You, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR DON’T KNOW YOU: Do not write to this woman apologizing for not recognizing her. That will get you nowhere. If you want to stay at the top of mind with her, send her a nice note saying that it was a pleasure seeing her again at the event you mentioned. Point out something that you liked about the function that she will remember. If you want to be considered for freelance work, add a line telling her that you remain interested in contributing to her company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)