DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend, "Clare," has been dating her boyfriend for almost four years, and I honestly haven’t seen her at all. Clare’s boyfriend is very active and out there, and to put this mildly, she follows him around like a puppy. She spends all her time with him. My girlfriends and I never said anything to her because we were just happy that she was so happy with him.

I am also in a relationship, but my boyfriend and I have been doing long-distance for almost a year. I get to see him every three weeks. Because we switch off every three weeks, we like to buy our plane tickets in advance. I have a plan to see my boyfriend in two weeks, but that’s the same weekend Clare wants to celebrate her birthday. When I told her I would not be able to make it, she started yelling at me, saying that I see my boyfriend so much and that it’s her weekend, etc. I was taken aback by this. I know I should be the bigger person and apologize, but I want to confront her and tell her how hypocritical everything she said was because she doesn’t do anything without her boyfriend. Would that just be wrong of me? -- My Best Friend's a Hypocrite, Salt Lake City

DEAR MY BEST FRIEND’S A HYPOCRITE: Now is the time for you to have a voice. Your job is to tell Clare, without emotion, that she has spent the past four years putting her boyfriend before any of her friends, including you. Tell her that you are offended that she would snap at you about your plans with your boyfriend. Make it clear that you are sorry that you cannot be there for her party, but point out that she did not check in with you before scheduling the date.

Let Clare know that you realize how much of a challenge it is to be a good friend and a good girlfriend. Ask her not to judge you considering that you have worked hard not to judge her even though she regularly puts her boyfriend before you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad just got a job offer in Australia, and my family and I are moving soon. I’m going to be entering my junior year of high school, so I am petrified, to say the least. High school is such an awkward age to transfer into a school. I know that many kids have to do it because of their parents' jobs, but I never thought that I would be one of them. I know I shouldn't be mad because it’s not my dad's fault and this is such a wonderful opportunity for him, but I am really upset. I have a strong group of friends here, and I know I’m not going to find the same thing over there. I haven't had to go out and make friends in forever because I grew up with my best friends. How am I supposed to make new friends when everyone will already have a set group of friends? -- Weird New Girl, Westchester, New York

DEAR WEIRD NEW GIRL: It is scary to move far away when you are a teenager. Your life already feels complicated. What you have to do is take each day at a time and trust that you will find people you will like. Keep your eyes wide open. As my mother used to say, “Notice the bright lights in the room.” Who stands out for you as interesting, compassionate, funny, likeable? Join clubs that focus on your interests, and notice the students there. Over time, you will make your way. I promise.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I baby-sit for this family, the mom works from home. I understand that she can’t cater to her children and work at the same time, but it makes me uncomfortable. It's strange: I will be in the kitchen making the kids lunch, she will be in there making herself lunch, and then we will all sit together. Or the kids and I will be playing, and she will come and watch for 20 minutes. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. When the kids have a problem, they will ask her instead of me, even though she is doing work and doesn’t want to be distracted. It’s just hard that she’s home when I’m there. Is it weird that I get irritated by this? -- Annoyed Baby Sitter, Reston, Virginia

DEAR ANNOYED BABY SITTER: It is understandable that you feel some awkwardness in trying to establish a rhythm and a sense of authority when the mom of the children you are baby-sitting is right there. Naturally, they go to their mother when decisions have to be made or when problems arise. You will never be able to compete with that, nor should you want to. Instead, you need to develop ground rules with the mother about your role and her expectations. Whatever she wants the children to do, she has to agree on with you and reinforce with them. If there are times when she is going to be unavailable, that needs to be made clear to everyone. Perhaps she can put a sign on her door saying, “PRIVACY PLEASE.” During that period, the children must learn that they have to follow your direction entirely. Partner with the mom on a plan that works for everyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event recently and ran into a woman who I have seen over the years but don’t know well. We made small talk. Later, I realized who she was. She has a huge job in my industry, and I feel like a dunce for not acknowledging her specifically.

After I realized who she was, I asked her a couple of things about her current job and company. She is the “new” boss at a company where I used to freelance for years. When she got the position, I stopped getting any work. When she first started, I wrote her a nice note and followed up once, but she never gave me a chance to do any work with her. Still, I feel bad that I did not recognize her. Should I follow up and say that I’m sorry I didn’t know her at first? Or do I just let it be? -- Don't Know You, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR DON’T KNOW YOU: Do not write to this woman apologizing for not recognizing her. That will get you nowhere. If you want to stay at the top of mind with her, send her a nice note saying that it was a pleasure seeing her again at the event you mentioned. Point out something that you liked about the function that she will remember. If you want to be considered for freelance work, add a line telling her that you remain interested in contributing to her company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother just got engaged. I am happy for her, and I like my mom’s fiance. I feel nothing but happiness when it comes to the engagement. Last week, I found out that my mom’s fiance told my siblings about the proposal a couple of weeks ago, before telling me. I wonder why he chose to tell them before me. I always considered us pretty close, but after finding this out, I can’t help but think about the future of our relationship and if he will continue to keep things from me and not my siblings. Is this abnormal? Do you think I should speak up? -- The Last to Know, Portland, Oregon

DEAR THE LAST TO KNOW: What you want to figure out is why your mom’s fiance feels more comfortable or more welcome around your siblings. Do they spend more time with him? What is the connection that they have developed? Or could they just have been around when the two made their commitment?

Rather than holding your mom’s fiance’s feet to the fire, work to get to know him better. If you want to be connected to him in such a way that you would be included whenever important information arises, you have to work to cultivate that relationship. You can also ask him directly what took him so long to share the news with you. Start with congratulations, though, before moving on to your inquiries.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a young straight female who has had bad luck with guys. I am a caring and considerate person who loves deeply. I am the girl who is always thinking of others, doing cute things for people and surprising my best friends with cakes, cookies or presents when they have a bad day or just because. In regard to guys, I try to keep all of that to a minimum at the beginning because I know that kind of behavior could scare them away.

Throughout college, I have been hooking up with guys, trying dating apps and keeping my options open. I have had four or five guys recently who wanted to get more serious than a hookup. We would go on upwards of 15 dates and have the best time together. Then out of nowhere, he would end things with me. Each one gave a fake excuse, like his life was too complicated or work was crazy. I can’t stop thinking that it’s me at this point. Are these just the wrong guys? Will I find someone? I feel like giving up. -- It's Not Them, It's Me, Milwaukee

DEAR IT’S NOT THEM, IT’S ME: It could be that you are doing too much for these men before getting a commitment from anyone. Though you won’t like hearing this, “hooking up,” at least the definition I understand, means you are already giving the man what he wants most. After that, if he gets the goods plus lots of extras over time, he can easily enjoy all of the treats without promising anything in return. When he gets bored with you, even though you are incredibly generous, he moves on. To get a man to stay, you have to cultivate a connection that is based on shared values and goals. Just as you intuitively knew to withhold the flourish of cookies, cakes and presents, you would do well to withhold the most valuable “cookies” until the man has earned the privilege to enjoy them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)