DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother just got engaged. I am happy for her, and I like my mom’s fiance. I feel nothing but happiness when it comes to the engagement. Last week, I found out that my mom’s fiance told my siblings about the proposal a couple of weeks ago, before telling me. I wonder why he chose to tell them before me. I always considered us pretty close, but after finding this out, I can’t help but think about the future of our relationship and if he will continue to keep things from me and not my siblings. Is this abnormal? Do you think I should speak up? -- The Last to Know, Portland, Oregon
DEAR THE LAST TO KNOW: What you want to figure out is why your mom’s fiance feels more comfortable or more welcome around your siblings. Do they spend more time with him? What is the connection that they have developed? Or could they just have been around when the two made their commitment?
Rather than holding your mom’s fiance’s feet to the fire, work to get to know him better. If you want to be connected to him in such a way that you would be included whenever important information arises, you have to work to cultivate that relationship. You can also ask him directly what took him so long to share the news with you. Start with congratulations, though, before moving on to your inquiries.