DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother just got engaged. I am happy for her, and I like my mom’s fiance. I feel nothing but happiness when it comes to the engagement. Last week, I found out that my mom’s fiance told my siblings about the proposal a couple of weeks ago, before telling me. I wonder why he chose to tell them before me. I always considered us pretty close, but after finding this out, I can’t help but think about the future of our relationship and if he will continue to keep things from me and not my siblings. Is this abnormal? Do you think I should speak up? -- The Last to Know, Portland, Oregon

DEAR THE LAST TO KNOW: What you want to figure out is why your mom’s fiance feels more comfortable or more welcome around your siblings. Do they spend more time with him? What is the connection that they have developed? Or could they just have been around when the two made their commitment?

Rather than holding your mom’s fiance’s feet to the fire, work to get to know him better. If you want to be connected to him in such a way that you would be included whenever important information arises, you have to work to cultivate that relationship. You can also ask him directly what took him so long to share the news with you. Start with congratulations, though, before moving on to your inquiries.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a young straight female who has had bad luck with guys. I am a caring and considerate person who loves deeply. I am the girl who is always thinking of others, doing cute things for people and surprising my best friends with cakes, cookies or presents when they have a bad day or just because. In regard to guys, I try to keep all of that to a minimum at the beginning because I know that kind of behavior could scare them away.

Throughout college, I have been hooking up with guys, trying dating apps and keeping my options open. I have had four or five guys recently who wanted to get more serious than a hookup. We would go on upwards of 15 dates and have the best time together. Then out of nowhere, he would end things with me. Each one gave a fake excuse, like his life was too complicated or work was crazy. I can’t stop thinking that it’s me at this point. Are these just the wrong guys? Will I find someone? I feel like giving up. -- It's Not Them, It's Me, Milwaukee

DEAR IT’S NOT THEM, IT’S ME: It could be that you are doing too much for these men before getting a commitment from anyone. Though you won’t like hearing this, “hooking up,” at least the definition I understand, means you are already giving the man what he wants most. After that, if he gets the goods plus lots of extras over time, he can easily enjoy all of the treats without promising anything in return. When he gets bored with you, even though you are incredibly generous, he moves on. To get a man to stay, you have to cultivate a connection that is based on shared values and goals. Just as you intuitively knew to withhold the flourish of cookies, cakes and presents, you would do well to withhold the most valuable “cookies” until the man has earned the privilege to enjoy them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am worried about my daughter. She is headed to high school -- a large school compared to the one she attended for the last eight years. She has largely been sheltered, even though we do talk about what goes on in the world and how she should take care of herself.

My daughter just told me that a friend of hers from camp was at a party hosted by a close friend of my daughter's, and she was given a spiked drink. She had asked for seltzer and thought that’s what she was given (it was a clear drink). She didn’t identify a strange taste, but she ended up being rushed to the hospital and having her stomach pumped. She had consumed something that made her sick. I often tell my daughter not to take drinks from strange people, but this happened at her good friend’s home. Can you provide better precautions that I can suggest to my daughter? I know I have to let her become a bit independent, but I want to keep her safe. -- No Alcohol Zone, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NO ALCOHOL ZONE: As a parent, you must remember that every challenging moment can become a teaching moment. Sadly, your daughter’s friend’s experience presents as one of those moments. What I teach my 14-year-old daughter is that when she is at a party -- even when it’s at a friend’s home -- she should not drink anything that she did not pour. She should open her own cans. When she puts a drink down on a counter and walks away, that drink is no longer hers. Vigilance is required for safety now, even among friends.

You should also tell your daughter that it is not worth it to experiment with alcohol -- or drugs. Too many of her peers have been harmed as a result of what started as an innocent exploration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new colleague who started off being friendly but has ended up being overbearing. She lives in my neighborhood, so before I figured out that she was too much for me to manage as a friend, I took exercise walks with her. We sometimes went to the gym together. We talk on the phone, and it’s always interesting, but she is pretty negative. She dreams about projects she wants to pursue, but right after discussing that, she complains about everything else in her life. I am a peaceful person and realize that I don’t want to hear all of the complaints, especially first thing in the morning. I don’t want to cut her out of my life altogether, but I do need to limit our interaction. How can I do that without hurting her feelings? -- Limited Engagement, Boston

DEAR LIMITED ENGAGEMENT: Without feeling guilty, you can curb your morning fitness routines with this woman. Just tell her that now that fall has arrived, you want to go back to your core routine, which is solo and contemplative, so you want to go alone.

Choose specific time periods that work for you to spend time with this woman. This doesn’t have to be weekly. It can be as you feel comfortable. You can also stop her when she starts going down a negative path. You can literally ask her to refrain from going to that dark place. Tell her you enjoy her company, but when she goes negative, it makes you uncomfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just got a new car. Our previous car had no fancy computer abilities, so we are still getting used to this one. Our car starts without a key, though the key fob -- something I had never even heard of before -- has to be in the car. My husband has been adamant about both of us carrying our key fobs, even if only one of us is going to drive, because he says the fob identifies the driver. He has been pushy about us each having our fobs with us, and he reprimands me if I don’t have mine.

Fast forward to this weekend: We went away for a few days, and he seems to have lost his key fob. He’s upset about it, but I'm just glad it wasn’t me. He would have been yelling at me and telling me how irresponsible I am. Instead he’s just upset and looking for his key. I’m sorry he lost it, and I don’t want to rub it in, but part of me wants to point out that he would be handling this differently if the roles were reversed. Do I let it go or say something? -- Lost Key Fob, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOST KEY FOB: Implicit in what you are saying is that your husband has a temper and is critical of you. What you may want to do is help him find his key fob or recommend that you order another from your car company. You can also say to him that you hope you find the key fob, even as you are relieved that you aren’t the one who lost it. When he looks at you quizzically, point out that he would have been livid if you had been the culprit. Ask him if he knows what you mean. Point out that it is possible to deal with crises without placing judgment, as you are doing right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a high-rise, and my next-door neighbor is super friendly. She works from home, and sometimes I do as well. It is common for her to ring my bell just to chitchat in the middle of the day. I don’t have time for that! During the day, I am working. Even sometimes at night, I am relaxing and do not want to have company. She is from the Midwest, and she tells me that it is common for folks in her hometown to visit with each other on a daily basis. That’s fine for her, but not for me. How can I draw the line so that my neighbor doesn’t practically move in? -- Testing the Limits, Los Angeles

DEAR TESTING THE LIMITS: Start by telling your neighbor that you mean no harm, but you do not have an open-door policy. Make it clear that you are often working at home and do not have time to stop to chat in the middle of your day. As far as after hours, just tell her that you are not like her. You appreciate her openness and friendliness, but you are more of a recluse. You like being alone or seeing people on a scheduled basis. Apologize in advance for not always being available to spend time with her. Don’t answer the door if you don’t want to have company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)