DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just got a new car. Our previous car had no fancy computer abilities, so we are still getting used to this one. Our car starts without a key, though the key fob -- something I had never even heard of before -- has to be in the car. My husband has been adamant about both of us carrying our key fobs, even if only one of us is going to drive, because he says the fob identifies the driver. He has been pushy about us each having our fobs with us, and he reprimands me if I don’t have mine.

Fast forward to this weekend: We went away for a few days, and he seems to have lost his key fob. He’s upset about it, but I'm just glad it wasn’t me. He would have been yelling at me and telling me how irresponsible I am. Instead he’s just upset and looking for his key. I’m sorry he lost it, and I don’t want to rub it in, but part of me wants to point out that he would be handling this differently if the roles were reversed. Do I let it go or say something? -- Lost Key Fob, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOST KEY FOB: Implicit in what you are saying is that your husband has a temper and is critical of you. What you may want to do is help him find his key fob or recommend that you order another from your car company. You can also say to him that you hope you find the key fob, even as you are relieved that you aren’t the one who lost it. When he looks at you quizzically, point out that he would have been livid if you had been the culprit. Ask him if he knows what you mean. Point out that it is possible to deal with crises without placing judgment, as you are doing right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a high-rise, and my next-door neighbor is super friendly. She works from home, and sometimes I do as well. It is common for her to ring my bell just to chitchat in the middle of the day. I don’t have time for that! During the day, I am working. Even sometimes at night, I am relaxing and do not want to have company. She is from the Midwest, and she tells me that it is common for folks in her hometown to visit with each other on a daily basis. That’s fine for her, but not for me. How can I draw the line so that my neighbor doesn’t practically move in? -- Testing the Limits, Los Angeles

DEAR TESTING THE LIMITS: Start by telling your neighbor that you mean no harm, but you do not have an open-door policy. Make it clear that you are often working at home and do not have time to stop to chat in the middle of your day. As far as after hours, just tell her that you are not like her. You appreciate her openness and friendliness, but you are more of a recluse. You like being alone or seeing people on a scheduled basis. Apologize in advance for not always being available to spend time with her. Don’t answer the door if you don’t want to have company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had some time to myself this summer and was able to be quiet and assess my life. It was a great experience, but during my contemplation, I remembered some things that I did in my past that are disturbing. I’m talking about choices that I made that were rude or mean or short-sighted. In retrospect, I can’t believe how selfish I was while trying to build my career. There have been a few occasions when the way I reacted to people I care about just didn’t matter in the moment. I am ashamed about some of these moments, and I wonder what I should do. I know that most people have done bad things, but should I do something about it? Should I reach out to the people I think I was rude to and apologize for my behavior? -- Making Amends, Dallas

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: Self-reflection is an excellent component to life because it enables you to notice what you have done well and where you can improve. This includes assessing when it’s wise to own up to your mistakes and apologize for your behavior. In many instances, this is a good idea. If you did something awful to someone, chances are that person remembers. Your call or note can go a long way in extending the proverbial olive branch. Just make sure that you are not more likely to stir up negative feelings at a bad time for that person.

Do not reach out to someone in hopes of absolution. That is putting responsibility back on the victim. Instead, be mindful when you reach out to someone you’ve hurt. Ask if it’s OK for you two to talk. Confess your bad behavior, and sincerely apologize. Be prepared to hear their rendition and revisited hurt feelings. In other cases, offer it up in prayer and ask the universe for forgiveness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been worried about my life a lot lately, really wondering if I wouldn’t be better off dead. I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out: I lost my job. I have a healthy life insurance policy. If I die, my family would have the money I put in the policy to take care of themselves. Does that seem awful? I’m trying to be practical here. I’m not planning to do anything yet; I'm just thinking. -- Suicidal, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SUICIDAL: It is smart that you got life insurance as a way of safeguarding your family in case of an accident. Do know that your insurance policy would be void if, for any reason, you take your own life. This important to know, given your state of mind.

More importantly, your life is worth living! It’s just tough right now. Get help. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at any time to talk to a professional about how you are feeling at 1-800-273-8255. Beyond that, see your doctor for mental-health support. Reach out to friends and acquaintances for job support. Times are tough now, but things can change. Hold on to that belief.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in an office with a lot of young people who are pretty rambunctious and loud. I hate sounding like an old lady, but it is hard for me to get my work done because they are either gossiping with each other, looking at videos online or otherwise talking. I don’t understand how they do it. Some of our work requires focus and quiet in order to get done. I don’t want to turn into one of those old farts who is always complaining about the young ones, but I can’t concentrate. Can I ask them to tone it down or go to another room when they need to talk a lot? We have a room just for that purpose, but they don’t use it. -- Needing Silence, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEEDING SILENCE: Since the group of young folks do not use the break room, can you use it? It will be hard for you to corral a whole group of noisy people and get them to be still. It’s far more efficient for you to find a way to isolate yourself. In this way, you get to do your work in peace, and they get the freedom to work the way that makes them feel at ease.

By the way, what may seem like fun to you, such as watching videos, could actually be looking at material for work. These days, everything is online. Don’t judge them; find yourself a quiet place to work. And hang out with them sometimes, too. It will teach you how they think and keep you young!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college friend’s best friend just died. It is so weird. He looked fine in the photos she used to post of him and of the two of them hanging out. When I asked her about it, she said that he had high blood pressure and other ailments and that as much as she tried to get him to take care of himself, he never really did. He was not even 60 yet.

This death scares me. I have high blood pressure, too. I do take my medicine, and in recent years I have started to exercise. Honestly, I have been slow to step up to take care of myself. I worry that it could be too late for me, too. I am afraid to go to the doctor. I am embarrassed that I could be near death. I promised myself that I wouldn’t end up like my father’s family, and here I am. What can I do? -- On the Edge, Atlanta

DEAR ON THE EDGE: It is time to be vigorously proactive. Schedule a physical immediately. In order to protect yourself and get on course, you need to know what you are facing. Heredity figures in to your health, as do your eating and exercise habits. Commit to eating as suggested by a doctor or nutritionist and moving your body at least three times a week. This sounds like basic stuff to some people, but if this has not been your practice, it can seem insurmountable. That’s why the concept of "one day at a time" is so important. If you do something each day to fortify your health, it is likely that you will become healthier.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)