DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend is talking about organizing a vacation in the spring, and she asked my boyfriend and me if we would like to participate. The way she does this is to find a few couples or individuals who want to go in on a house and then rent it together. This makes it more affordable and easier to get a nicer house. I like the idea, but my boyfriend isn’t so into it. He doesn’t think he will like sharing a house with six or eight people. He says it feels like college, and we are grown now. I see his point, but I think it could be fun. Plus, we have been talking about taking a vacation but hesitant because of the cost. I want to convince him to try this out at least once to see if we like it. How can I get him to reconsider? -- Group Vacay, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR GROUP VACAY: Think about this trip opportunity and who will be part of the house. Do you get along with everyone? Does your boyfriend? If the actual people aren’t the issue, broach the idea again. Point out that you both like the other potential housemates, and you think everyone will get along. Ask your boyfriend to consider this trip as a trial to see if you enjoy being part of a group when you are on vacation. If he agrees, be sure to schedule some activities without the group so that you two can create your own individual special memories. If he refuses to go and the two of you do not make other plans, consider going without him and having fun with the group.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I’m in that Eddie Murphy movie "Coming to America"! My teenage daughter brought home a boy for the family to meet. He was nice enough. Like many young men today, he had a fancy hairstyle -- for a man, anyway. When he sat down in the living room to talk to the family and then hang out with my daughter, he left a grease stain from his hair on the sofa. I kid you not. I don’t want to embarrass him by saying anything, but if she brings him back, something has to give. Somebody is going to have to tell him not to lean against the furniture or the walls -- and why. Uncomfortable, I know, but do you have a better idea? -- Greasy Sofa, New Orleans

DEAR GREASY SOFA: Had you used humor in the moment, you may have been able to dispel some of the discomfort that is to come. The goal is to let the young man know that his hair is destroying your furniture without hurting his feelings too much.

OK, the humorous moment has passed, so now you should just tell your daughter. At first, she, too, will be embarrassed, but she will let him know in a more private way than you can. Later, if they stay together, you can rib him over his do!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work as a freelance publicist. I have been doing this for about five years, and it’s going OK. The problem is that my friends and family are constantly asking me to do things for them for free. They feel like since they know me or are related to me, naturally I will do them a solid and help them out. I understand that in theory, but this is my livelihood. It’s one thing to do a project once as a gift, but they come back again and again. Whenever I suggest they pay me, they get ornery and act like I am being greedy. How can I get people to pay for my services? -- Freelancer Trying to Make a Living, Seattle

DEAR FREELANCER TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING: Create a rate sheet for your services if you don’t already have one. Include each service you provide and the parameters for the task so that your clients are crystal clear about what they are getting. List a fee next to each service. If you would like to be somewhat generous and strategic, create a discount for friends and family that reflects your affinity toward them while keeping things professional. The next time they ask you to do something for them, provide the rate sheet. Point out that you are offering them a family discount but that there will be no more freebies. Stick to your guns, and you won’t have this problem after they realize you are serious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A college friend just wrote to me saying she is coming to town. She then asked if she could crash at my house while she’s in town. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I do not have air conditioning, and it has been crazy hot and humid all summer, including now. It is miserable, and I don’t feel like having company who I have to try to make comfortable until the heat wave passes. I can’t seem to get her to understand. How can I say no? -- Too Hot for Company, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR TOO HOT FOR COMPANY: A wise financial adviser once told me that “no” is a complete sentence. Sometimes you have to say no and mean it. If you know that you cannot handle having guests during the peak of the summer heat, don’t welcome any.

If you are so inclined, you can tell your friend that she is welcome to come at another time when the conditions are more suitable for you to have company. You have to remember that she planned her trip without consulting you about lodging. That’s on her. It really is OK for you to take care of yourself and let your friend know that you will not be able to host her at this time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: It’s hard to believe that 17 years have passed since the fateful day when our understanding of peace changed in America and beyond. Those three planes filled with hate that decimated so many lives and destroyed even more hearts hit their targets on this day in 2001. Many people still live in a pre-9/11-vs.-post-9/11 world. Most still vividly remember where they were and what they were doing when thousands of lives were annihilated. Our world changed that day.

Throughout history, horrific things have occurred that have changed our world and our view of it. As our country has recently honored the legacy of Sen. John McCain, we got to know more about his role as a fighter pilot and then POW during the Vietnam War. Every time I sit with the notion of what he experienced, I shudder. McCain was shot down in Hanoi. His arms and one leg broke upon impact of his plane crash. He was held hostage for 5 1/2 years, three of them in solitary confinement. And he survived. That war divided our country and our citizens’ understanding of right and wrong in the face of war. Sen. McCain became an emblem of forgiveness as well as a fierce proponent of a strong military.

And so it has been over the generations. Wars occur for myriad reasons. Friction abounds. People are killed and kill others. Some, like McCain, stand out in their efforts to capture peace after unimaginable despair. In the end, what do we learn? I am not being a cynic or a philosopher here. I think it is wise for each of us to think about what we have learned when we face war. What comes of armed conflict for the everyman and everywoman in our country and in our world? Which is better -- nonviolent protest or armed protest?

I like to break these ideas down to what we as individuals can consider and do, because that’s where I believe we can claim our power. What do you do when faced with a conflict? Are you quick to jump to conclusions about who your opponent is and how he or she views the world? Are you particularly judgmental when you feel that your rights are being challenged? Many of us are. Are you the person who is willing to listen to the other side and search for a fair compromise? Or are you more likely to throw a punch -- verbally or physically -- if someone confronts you about something that you consider beyond compromise? How do you handle tense, volatile situations?

These questions are important for us to consider. The answers have everything to do with how we navigate our lives during difficult periods. Right now, there is a tremendous amount of fire in our country -- some literal, a lot political. Where do you stand in that fire? Are you stoking the flames or helping to put it out? Have you developed the ability to negotiate for your values without the urge to destroy those who do not share them?

I will go back to John McCain: Here was a man who was in our Navy, who was fighting for the cause of the American government, who was tortured for years and who spent much of the rest of his life looking for ways to mend the relationship between the United States and Vietnam. He had every right to be mad and feel hatred for people who hurt him repeatedly. He chose not to do that. Can you hold out an olive branch to those who have wronged you? Can you find a way to push past hurts and pains to find a path toward peace in your daily life? Think about it. Select a real situation that has been plaguing you and consider it differently. What if you could forgive the offender and forge a more peaceful future? Try it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)