DEAR HARRIETTE: We moved to a different state because of my husband’s work. I am hopeful this year as my son enters his new school.

My son is at the age when he may start dating. At his previous school, he was one of only a handful of children of color. This might sound strange, but I wanted him to be at a school where there’s a chance that he might meet a nice black girl. Previously, there was only one in his class. I don’t mean to sound discriminatory in any way, but I think it’s natural for parents to want their children to be exposed to people from their own community when they begin to date. It was illegal for many blacks to date whites just two generations ago, so I don’t think I’m out of line to think this. -- Coming of Age and Race, Dayton, Ohio

DEAR COMING OF AGE AND RACE: When children begin to date, any number of questions come up for parents as to whom they will meet and be attracted to. For the parent, there are many natural thoughts and questions, including whether their children will find a partner who shares their values and traditions. This typically means religious traditions and heritage. You are not wrong to look at history and have thoughts and reservations about whom your child will find as a partner. You have the unique perspective on race relations in this country that included laws about whom people of African descent could marry. This is real and worth knowing. What is also true, however, is that your son is growing up in a completely different environment under different circumstances.

Most people partner with those they spend a lot of time around. Classmates are at the top of that list. Given that you surrounded your son with people of other backgrounds than his own, it is natural that he would be attracted to people from other ethnic groups. Rather than press him to date a girl who looks like him, encourage him to get to know his fellow students and to learn more about people who share his values and interests. You can definitely recommend that he include the girls from his own community in his dating pool.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My adult son just decided he had had enough of his job, which he has hated for several years, so he quit. I couldn’t believe it. I understand that you can be disgruntled at work, but I was taught to keep your nose to the grindstone and tough it out -- unless, of course, you are being abused. He just didn’t like it. Now he has asked to move back home while he figures out what he wants to do next. I am furious. He should have made a plan that allowed for him to find another job so that he could remain self-sufficient. I don’t want to say no to my son about coming home, but I also do not want to enable him. How should I handle this? -- Uncommitted Son, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR UNCOMMITTED SON: Welcome your son home -- with provisions. Give him a lease with a fixed rent that he must pay monthly. Help him create a timeline for finding a job and saving money. Schedule weekly meetings where he must present his plans. If he does not agree to your terms, tell him he has to live somewhere else.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend from college just lost his ex-wife. They were divorced for years, but they have a child together, so they stayed in touch. She had breast cancer and didn’t survive. Their children are in middle school and obviously upset. I feel so sorry for him and want to be there to support him. We have stayed friendly over the years.

The problem is that my current boyfriend is jealous of any of my past relationships. He has demanded that I not communicate with my ex. I think this is ridiculous and do not want to agree with his demands. I am a grown woman. I am not interested in this guy. I want to be a friend to him at a time when he is in mourning. I plan on calling him. Should I keep it to myself or let my boyfriend know? I’m not trying to start an argument, but I also don’t want to start hiding my actions from him. I feel like his possessiveness could eventually be a deal breaker. -- Jealous Boyfriend, Denver

DEAR JEALOUS BOYFRIEND: If you have any hopes of your relationship with your boyfriend turning into something long-lasting, you need to be able to be honest with him, especially about how you intend to handle a tragedy.

First, call your ex and express your condolences. This way, you do not allow the drama that may ensue with your boyfriend to get in the way of being appropriate about this death. Find out if there is anything you can do to help. Then tell your boyfriend that you called your ex to let him know how sorry you are. Tell your boyfriend that you hope he understands, but you were clear that you had to show up for this moment. If he doesn’t understand, tell him that you two probably need to assess your values to see if you are a match. You must figure out how to agree when a crisis arises.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met a nice guy at the gym. Not only is he nice, he is also super buff. I asked him what he does to get such a great body, and he told me that he was incarcerated for a few years, and working out was how he kept his head. This admission scared me. I didn’t expect him to talk about doing time. I have never met anybody before who admitted to being in prison.

I didn’t ask him what he did to land in prison. Part of me feels like it is too pushy to ask, but if I don’t know, I don’t think I could be comfortable dating him. Do you think it’s OK to ask? What if I find out that he did something really bad? -- Ex-Con Date, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR EX-CON DATE: If you want to get to know this man better, be direct and ask him to tell you his story. You want to know who he is and what he has done. The more you learn, the better you will be able to decide if getting to know him more and dating him is worth it. Don’t decide until you get the whole story. People do make mistakes. He may be in a new place, ready to forge ahead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This will be my second time going on a business trip for my company. There are five of us who will be traveling and staying together in one house, and I am not looking forward to it. Last year when we did this, my boss was way too demanding. She wanted all of us to eat together every day. Sometimes that was OK, but other times I just wanted time to myself. She thought nothing of calling meetings late at night, since we were together. There seemed to be no boundaries.

I want to have more space this time, but I don’t want to offend my boss. This may not seem like a big deal, but we work 12-hour days regularly. When we were away last year, my boss acted like we were on 24-hour call. We are not being paid for that time. I need personal time, even when I am working hard. I am not a slacker. I give my all, but I need time off, too. What can I say or do to protect myself? -- Work Trip, Detroit

DEAR WORK TRIP: Talk to your boss privately before the trip. Tell her that you are committed to getting the work done to the best of your ability, and point out that you need downtime during the trip to do your best. Lay out your concerns. Tell her that sometimes you need to eat alone, and sometimes you need to be in your room or go for a walk or otherwise have time off so you can give your all when you are working. Let her know that you want to make her aware of this because last year she asked for more than you can offer this year. Add that you are not trying to make anything difficult for her; it’s the opposite. She will get more out of you if you can recharge your batteries while you are on the trip.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my hometown this summer and ran into a few people I do not remember well. Here’s the thing: I moved away many years ago while most of them stayed home. They have stayed close and built their lives around each other. There’s something nice about seeing how close they are. On the flip side, it was awkward for me, as I am not part of their world anymore. In fact, I don’t remember many of the stories we shared in high school. I would like to get reacquainted with them, but I feel like they have an inside story that I don’t know. Also, they seem to put me on a pedestal because I went to the Big Apple and built my life while they stayed at home. How can I manage this situation? Part of me would like to get to know these kids as adults. -- All Grown Up, Bronx, New York

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: If you have decided that you want to devote time to reconnecting with these people, start by telling them. Admit that you don’t remember many details from your past, nor do you want to live in the past. Tell them that you would like to get to know them today and forge a friendship in the present. Tell them you appreciate the relationship that you witnessed among them and you would be honored to be included in their circle. Be fully present as you see how things unfold. Let the relationships take time to blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)