DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend from college just lost his ex-wife. They were divorced for years, but they have a child together, so they stayed in touch. She had breast cancer and didn’t survive. Their children are in middle school and obviously upset. I feel so sorry for him and want to be there to support him. We have stayed friendly over the years.

The problem is that my current boyfriend is jealous of any of my past relationships. He has demanded that I not communicate with my ex. I think this is ridiculous and do not want to agree with his demands. I am a grown woman. I am not interested in this guy. I want to be a friend to him at a time when he is in mourning. I plan on calling him. Should I keep it to myself or let my boyfriend know? I’m not trying to start an argument, but I also don’t want to start hiding my actions from him. I feel like his possessiveness could eventually be a deal breaker. -- Jealous Boyfriend, Denver

DEAR JEALOUS BOYFRIEND: If you have any hopes of your relationship with your boyfriend turning into something long-lasting, you need to be able to be honest with him, especially about how you intend to handle a tragedy.

First, call your ex and express your condolences. This way, you do not allow the drama that may ensue with your boyfriend to get in the way of being appropriate about this death. Find out if there is anything you can do to help. Then tell your boyfriend that you called your ex to let him know how sorry you are. Tell your boyfriend that you hope he understands, but you were clear that you had to show up for this moment. If he doesn’t understand, tell him that you two probably need to assess your values to see if you are a match. You must figure out how to agree when a crisis arises.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met a nice guy at the gym. Not only is he nice, he is also super buff. I asked him what he does to get such a great body, and he told me that he was incarcerated for a few years, and working out was how he kept his head. This admission scared me. I didn’t expect him to talk about doing time. I have never met anybody before who admitted to being in prison.

I didn’t ask him what he did to land in prison. Part of me feels like it is too pushy to ask, but if I don’t know, I don’t think I could be comfortable dating him. Do you think it’s OK to ask? What if I find out that he did something really bad? -- Ex-Con Date, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR EX-CON DATE: If you want to get to know this man better, be direct and ask him to tell you his story. You want to know who he is and what he has done. The more you learn, the better you will be able to decide if getting to know him more and dating him is worth it. Don’t decide until you get the whole story. People do make mistakes. He may be in a new place, ready to forge ahead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This will be my second time going on a business trip for my company. There are five of us who will be traveling and staying together in one house, and I am not looking forward to it. Last year when we did this, my boss was way too demanding. She wanted all of us to eat together every day. Sometimes that was OK, but other times I just wanted time to myself. She thought nothing of calling meetings late at night, since we were together. There seemed to be no boundaries.

I want to have more space this time, but I don’t want to offend my boss. This may not seem like a big deal, but we work 12-hour days regularly. When we were away last year, my boss acted like we were on 24-hour call. We are not being paid for that time. I need personal time, even when I am working hard. I am not a slacker. I give my all, but I need time off, too. What can I say or do to protect myself? -- Work Trip, Detroit

DEAR WORK TRIP: Talk to your boss privately before the trip. Tell her that you are committed to getting the work done to the best of your ability, and point out that you need downtime during the trip to do your best. Lay out your concerns. Tell her that sometimes you need to eat alone, and sometimes you need to be in your room or go for a walk or otherwise have time off so you can give your all when you are working. Let her know that you want to make her aware of this because last year she asked for more than you can offer this year. Add that you are not trying to make anything difficult for her; it’s the opposite. She will get more out of you if you can recharge your batteries while you are on the trip.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my hometown this summer and ran into a few people I do not remember well. Here’s the thing: I moved away many years ago while most of them stayed home. They have stayed close and built their lives around each other. There’s something nice about seeing how close they are. On the flip side, it was awkward for me, as I am not part of their world anymore. In fact, I don’t remember many of the stories we shared in high school. I would like to get reacquainted with them, but I feel like they have an inside story that I don’t know. Also, they seem to put me on a pedestal because I went to the Big Apple and built my life while they stayed at home. How can I manage this situation? Part of me would like to get to know these kids as adults. -- All Grown Up, Bronx, New York

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: If you have decided that you want to devote time to reconnecting with these people, start by telling them. Admit that you don’t remember many details from your past, nor do you want to live in the past. Tell them that you would like to get to know them today and forge a friendship in the present. Tell them you appreciate the relationship that you witnessed among them and you would be honored to be included in their circle. Be fully present as you see how things unfold. Let the relationships take time to blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter spent every day that she could this summer sleeping. Don’t get me wrong: When she got to go to camp or see a friend to hang out or do pretty much anything fun, she was up and out. But on days that she didn’t have plans, she stayed fast asleep until well into the afternoon.

At first, I let her sleep. I know she had a rigorous school year. But I am worried that she is going to be sluggish at school, given that it took everything I had to get her up to finish her summer assignments and be an active member in our household. What can I do to ensure that she will be an alert and attentive student? -- Sleeping Student, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR SLEEPING STUDENT: Think back on her study habits last year. It could be that she just crashed a lot this summer, in part because she could. If she was conscientious before, remind her that this is still your expectation of her now. Teenagers typically need more sleep. Some schools even start their school day later to accommodate drowsy teens.

For your part, talk to your daughter, and remind her of her responsibilities for the school year and at home. Give her specific daily and weekly chores. If she does not complete them because she is napping, take away privileges. Start with her phone, followed by interaction with friends. She will likely alter her patterns quickly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend invited me to spend time with her and her family at their summer home last month. We went and had a great time. We also brought food with us, as my mom taught me to do. I think we were good guests, but I’m not sure. My friend didn’t seem to like that we had brought food. She told me that she had everything covered. We just wanted to contribute to the experience. Should I say something to her? We talk a lot. I would hate for her to have been offended by something that I thought would make her happy. -- Flustered Houseguest, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR FLUSTERED HOUSEGUEST: You may want to send your friend a thank-you note. This is a common action after enjoying time at someone’s summer home. In your note, you can thank your friend for the time you had together. Tell her how much you enjoyed being in her home. You can add that you hope she wasn’t offended by the food you brought. Tell her the truth: Your mother told you never to arrive at someone’s home empty-handed. Close with an acknowledgment of your gratitude for having been invited.

If you are invited again, just bring her a hostess gift, a small memento that she may enjoy -- anything from flowers to a candle, a book or something else you think she or her guests may appreciate. FYI: Many people love when guests bring food items, especially fruit or pre-made desserts.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)