life

Boss Is Too Demanding During Business Trip

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: This will be my second time going on a business trip for my company. There are five of us who will be traveling and staying together in one house, and I am not looking forward to it. Last year when we did this, my boss was way too demanding. She wanted all of us to eat together every day. Sometimes that was OK, but other times I just wanted time to myself. She thought nothing of calling meetings late at night, since we were together. There seemed to be no boundaries.

I want to have more space this time, but I don’t want to offend my boss. This may not seem like a big deal, but we work 12-hour days regularly. When we were away last year, my boss acted like we were on 24-hour call. We are not being paid for that time. I need personal time, even when I am working hard. I am not a slacker. I give my all, but I need time off, too. What can I say or do to protect myself? -- Work Trip, Detroit

DEAR WORK TRIP: Talk to your boss privately before the trip. Tell her that you are committed to getting the work done to the best of your ability, and point out that you need downtime during the trip to do your best. Lay out your concerns. Tell her that sometimes you need to eat alone, and sometimes you need to be in your room or go for a walk or otherwise have time off so you can give your all when you are working. Let her know that you want to make her aware of this because last year she asked for more than you can offer this year. Add that you are not trying to make anything difficult for her; it’s the opposite. She will get more out of you if you can recharge your batteries while you are on the trip.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 07, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my hometown this summer and ran into a few people I do not remember well. Here’s the thing: I moved away many years ago while most of them stayed home. They have stayed close and built their lives around each other. There’s something nice about seeing how close they are. On the flip side, it was awkward for me, as I am not part of their world anymore. In fact, I don’t remember many of the stories we shared in high school. I would like to get reacquainted with them, but I feel like they have an inside story that I don’t know. Also, they seem to put me on a pedestal because I went to the Big Apple and built my life while they stayed at home. How can I manage this situation? Part of me would like to get to know these kids as adults. -- All Grown Up, Bronx, New York

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: If you have decided that you want to devote time to reconnecting with these people, start by telling them. Admit that you don’t remember many details from your past, nor do you want to live in the past. Tell them that you would like to get to know them today and forge a friendship in the present. Tell them you appreciate the relationship that you witnessed among them and you would be honored to be included in their circle. Be fully present as you see how things unfold. Let the relationships take time to blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Teenage Daughter Slept Away the Summer

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter spent every day that she could this summer sleeping. Don’t get me wrong: When she got to go to camp or see a friend to hang out or do pretty much anything fun, she was up and out. But on days that she didn’t have plans, she stayed fast asleep until well into the afternoon.

At first, I let her sleep. I know she had a rigorous school year. But I am worried that she is going to be sluggish at school, given that it took everything I had to get her up to finish her summer assignments and be an active member in our household. What can I do to ensure that she will be an alert and attentive student? -- Sleeping Student, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR SLEEPING STUDENT: Think back on her study habits last year. It could be that she just crashed a lot this summer, in part because she could. If she was conscientious before, remind her that this is still your expectation of her now. Teenagers typically need more sleep. Some schools even start their school day later to accommodate drowsy teens.

For your part, talk to your daughter, and remind her of her responsibilities for the school year and at home. Give her specific daily and weekly chores. If she does not complete them because she is napping, take away privileges. Start with her phone, followed by interaction with friends. She will likely alter her patterns quickly.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 06, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend invited me to spend time with her and her family at their summer home last month. We went and had a great time. We also brought food with us, as my mom taught me to do. I think we were good guests, but I’m not sure. My friend didn’t seem to like that we had brought food. She told me that she had everything covered. We just wanted to contribute to the experience. Should I say something to her? We talk a lot. I would hate for her to have been offended by something that I thought would make her happy. -- Flustered Houseguest, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR FLUSTERED HOUSEGUEST: You may want to send your friend a thank-you note. This is a common action after enjoying time at someone’s summer home. In your note, you can thank your friend for the time you had together. Tell her how much you enjoyed being in her home. You can add that you hope she wasn’t offended by the food you brought. Tell her the truth: Your mother told you never to arrive at someone’s home empty-handed. Close with an acknowledgment of your gratitude for having been invited.

If you are invited again, just bring her a hostess gift, a small memento that she may enjoy -- anything from flowers to a candle, a book or something else you think she or her guests may appreciate. FYI: Many people love when guests bring food items, especially fruit or pre-made desserts.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Pre-Diabetic Can Help Self By Making Changes

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and pre-diabetes. I am upset and embarrassed by this. These diseases run in my family, and I vowed years ago not to let them happen to me. Yet here I am in my mid-50s in the same position as all my relatives. I am so upset with myself that I have not told any of my family members. I don’t want to admit that this is happening to me.

I want to take back my health and not succumb to a ton of meds every night. I have talked to my doctor about how I might get healthier with diet and exercise. Do you think it’s wrong of me to try these measures before I report to my family that I am like all of them -- getting sick? -- Battling Diabetes Plus, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BATTLING DIABETES PLUS: You have no obligation to report your health condition to your family -- at least not right now. What you must do is take control of your health. Follow your doctor’s instructions carefully. Ask to see a nutritionist. This may help you to figure out new ways of eating that will support weight loss as well as reduce salt and sugar levels in your body.

Figure out something to do to move your body regularly. The easiest thing to do is walk. It doesn’t cost anything and can help you manage your health. The American Heart Association recommends that you walk a minimum of 10,000 steps per day, which is nearly 5 miles. You can do it. Set your mind to it. After you have your habits under control, consider telling your family what happened to you and how you are taking control of it.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 05, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a densely populated apartment building. I keep my apartment clean, but I have noticed recently that there are signs of mice. I have talked to my husband about it and asked him to help me out more. I do all the housework. Even though I ask him to help me with the dishes after I cook, he rarely complies. I feel tired all the time from handling all household duties and working. How can I get my husband to help me? Mousetraps aren’t going to work without cleaning up, too. Oh, yeah, and he refuses to allow us to get a housekeeper, even though we can afford it. -- Mouse House, Detroit

DEAR MOUSE HOUSE: Remind your husband of how unhealthy it is for both of you to have a mouse in your house. Mice carry all kinds of germs, and you cannot control where they roam once they are in your home. Ask him if he will partner with you to make the house cleaner. Point out that right now you are saddled with all the responsibility, and it’s just too much for you to manage. Encourage him to come into the kitchen with you to help with cleanup. Start by cleaning together. That may be the way to get him to do anything at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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