DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a dinner party where the food wasn’t good. I was sitting in the kitchen toward the end of the evening, chilling, when the chef started talking to me. She was nice and had worked hard to make the event fun. She asked me what I thought of the meal, and I wasn’t sure what to say. The party's host is my friend, so I wanted to be sensitive to the situation, but honestly, the food was not good. It was bland and boring. I didn’t really answer her, and I’m not sure if that was helpful. Feedback can be helpful if people want to improve. I didn’t want to make waves. What do you think I should have done? -- Withholding Feedback, Syracuse, New York

DEAR WITHHOLDING FEEDBACK: In the moment, you might have shared your feedback in a private and honest way. You were asked directly what you thought. Ideally, you would have pointed out something that you liked about a dish, the presentation or something else, before you made any criticisms. Interaction between you and the chef could have been helpful and could have stayed private -- between you two -- had you simply told the truth.

Since you did not answer her, it is time to let it go. You missed your best opportunity to be helpful without being hurtful. Telling your friend what you think about the food can be embarrassing for her and detrimental to her relationship with the chef. At this point, keep the feedback to yourself. Next time, be attuned to the moment. When you have a clear chance of offering constructive feedback to someone, take it. Otherwise, stay quiet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter was invited to a sleepover by a new friend from camp. I have met her, but not her parents. I don’t love the idea of allowing my child to stay anywhere until I meet and talk to the parents. My daughter is a teenager; to me, that makes it even more important that I know where she is. What if the teens aren’t telling the whole truth?

I don’t mean to be a prude, but I think I need to check out this girl and her family before I allow my child to sleep over. Do you think I am overreacting? What would you advise? -- Sleepover Invite, Easthampton, New York

DEAR SLEEPOVER INVITE: I agree that you should make a human connection with a new friend’s parents before you allow your child to spend the night, especially if that child is a teenager. As grown up as they may seem, teens are still capable of making bad choices. You can diminish the gravity of those choices by doing basic safeguard testing first. That includes meeting the parents and assessing the situation before allowing your child to spend the night.

Speak to the mom or dad and find out what they know about the planned sleepover. Get a sense of who they are and what they value, and then make your decision from there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so tired of politics. My husband seems to live and breathe it. From the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep, he has the TV tuned to cable news programs, and he devours whatever they have to say. It’s like life has become its own reality show, and I just want it to stop. At the same time, I want to spend time with my husband. How can I get him to take time off from the news to spend more time with the family? -- No More Politics, Alexandria, Virginia

DEAR NO MORE POLITICS: You need to get realistic about your expectations. You will not be able to wean your husband entirely off his political lifeline. You can, however, suggest that he reserve time for you. Be direct with him. Tell him that you miss talking to him and wish he would turn off the TV sometimes.

Perhaps you can agree to watch the news with him regularly if he agrees to turn it off after an hour. You can also remove the TV from your bedroom if one is there and tell him you want your room to be a TV-free zone.

Think of activities that your husband may enjoy, and invite him to participate in them with you. Implore him to choose you and your precious moments together at least sometimes. Tell him you miss him. You may also want to offer him a moment of intimacy if he chooses to turn off the news.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am friendly with my boss’s niece. I didn’t realize they were related at first. My friend and I have known each other much longer than I have worked for her aunt. This might not have meant anything, except that my boss, her aunt, is a pain in the butt. She complains and is negative about everything. She picks at me constantly, but she also picks at other employees.

I need my job, but I appreciate being able to unload about the stuff that bothers me at work with my friends. Do you think I should keep my feelings from my boss’s niece? I usually talk to her about everything, but I don’t want to jeopardize my job or make my friend uncomfortable. -- Mum's the Word, San Diego

DEAR MUM’S THE WORD: You need to be practical. You know already that you should not tell your boss’s niece about your gripes with her aunt. It is unfair to the niece and dangerous to you. You cannot expect your friend to keep your secret -- even if she promises to do so. If she has a relationship with her aunt, she will want to tell her at some time, possibly to help her to improve her employee relations. Resist the temptation to talk about your boss with this woman. Stay neutral or let your friend know that conversation about work is off limits now, given that she and your boss are related. Then don’t bring it up. Choose other friends to talk to, if needed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is excited about the possibility of marijuana being legalized in more states and, ultimately, throughout the nation. He loves to smoke weed, and he constantly reads up on its medical benefits. He is a complete believer in weed; I am not. I used to smoke when I was younger, and I know it can make you lethargic and unproductive. While I don’t want people to get arrested for smoking it, I don’t want to champion its legalization. When I said this to him, he asked if I thought that alcohol makes people lethargic and unproductive. I had to answer truthfully -- it does. He thinks if alcohol is legal, marijuana -- which has more benefits -- should be, too. The thing is, in my own house, my husband often smokes early in the morning before going to work. He has no medical issues. He just likes to be buzzed. While he does a good job at work, he does little to nothing at home to help, especially if he has been smoking. I see the effects of it firsthand, and I don’t like it. -- Weed Frustration, Chicago

DEAR WEED FRUSTRATION: It sounds like your issue is not at the ballot box but in your own home. Rather than talking to your husband about legislation -- which is its own issue -- talk to him about quality of life and how his smoking impacts your family. You are not likely to get him to quit smoking, but you may be able to get him to consider when he smokes. Tell him that you need his help around the house more. Ask him to consider not smoking until he completes his chores. That principal is good for people who drink as well. Pretty much anything that can alter your mood or be a distraction should not be engaged when you have work to do. Make an agreement with your husband that there will be no TV, no alcohol and no weed during chore time. See if he will agree.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an uncle who I always thought of as a nuisance. He’s always complaining about something. Now that I am getting older, I realize that his complaints are probably real issues. He suffers from obesity, diabetes and other ailments. It frustrates me that he won’t exercise or change his diet. It almost seems like he wants to die. I want to inspire him to take up healthier habits. For example, I have had to change my diet because I was told I am pre-diabetic. Do you think if I tell him my story and invite him to exercise with me that he might consider it, or will he be offended? -- Sick Uncle, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR SICK UNCLE: It’s good that you have developed compassion for your uncle. It is always easier to communicate with people when you have a softness in your heart toward them. It’s a great idea to confide in him about your own health and what you plan to do about it. Let him know what your doctor recommended. Talk about the added exercise, and invite him to take a walk with you. That’s the easiest way to get someone moving. A walk and talk may be a perfect way to get your uncle up. The added bonus is you two may get closer.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)