DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 25-year-old guy who still lives with his mother. I have had some trouble finishing college and getting my career together. But in reality, I think I’ve been sacrificing my needs for the needs of my mom. My mom is a divorced, lonely woman, and I think she likes having me at home. I know I need to get my life together and be an adult. I feel I am stuck between making my mother happy but sacrificing my future, or leaving my mom by herself and trying to pursue my life and dreams. How do I navigate this situation? -- Lonely Mom Vs. My Own Life, Baltimore

DEAR LONELY MOM VS. MY OWN LIFE: Many sons of single mothers find themselves in the position of serving as more than just a son. They take on the role of caregiver, too. You have to be mindful of caring for your mother and forging your own destiny. Make a 12-month plan for yourself. Write down your goals, and then list steps that can get you there. Finishing college should be at the top. Getting a job so that you can save to get your own home is key. Spending time with friends outside of your home is important. Talk to your mother about your plans, and work to get her support. Going out on your own does not mean you are abandoning her. It means you are growing up and becoming independent. It is time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in the entertainment industry and love my job. I am surrounded by creative and wonderful people. I am 99 percent sure that both of my bosses are gay men. (I am a straight young woman.) They have both been constantly winking at me. Is that weird? Or am I just used to gross straight men winking at me when it’s not wanted? I don’t think this qualifies as sexual harassment of any kind and I don’t even think it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I don’t know what to make of it. -- Accidental Wink, Ithaca, New York

DEAR ACCIDENTAL WINK: If you are up for it, ask them what their winks mean the next time you notice it. You can be upbeat when you ask. Humor is a great way to break the ice and address awkward situations. Behavior doesn’t have to be considered harassment in order to be uncomfortable. You can tell them that you are finding it difficult to read some of their behaviors toward you, and you want to know what they mean. They will probably be surprised and may not even realize how they have been behaving. Your alerting them may make a difference.

Since it is odd to you but not untoward, don’t make a big deal of it. If they give you an answer, take it at face value. Ultimately, know that people can be awkward and clumsy with each other even when they are well-meaning. This may just be a sign of their idiosyncrasies.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my close friends are going through a hard time in their marriage. The wife confided in me when asking for a suggestion for a therapist. While she was sharing what was going on, I realized that her marriage is way better off than my own. What’s more, she is addressing their issues head-on. I stopped fighting for things that I think are important years ago because it always turned into an argument. Now that I see what this couple is going through because they won’t settle for living in conflict, it makes me think that I should revisit some of the friction that seems to plague my marriage and try to get my husband to talk with me about it again. I begged him to go to therapy years ago, but he refused. Now that his friend is going to therapy, maybe I can convince him to reconsider it. What do you think? -- Conflicted Marriage, Detroit

DEAR CONFLICTED MARRIAGE: One of the best things that can happen when you are helping others is that you shine a lens on your own life and discover ways that you can help yourself. If you have been going along with a marriage that is unfulfilling and your friends have helped you to notice that, take the time now to work to rekindle the flame. Talk to your husband. Tell him what you want for your marriage. Ask him what he wants. Suggest that you revisit the idea of therapy to bring the two of you closer together. You can point out what’s happening with your friends as a point of encouragement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my neighbors has decided to write a book -- a memoir, I guess it would be called. She is passionate about this and comes to me regularly to help her get her ideas together because she knows that I work in the publishing industry. My problem is that as much as I love her and want her to fulfill this dream, I can see that she is a terrible writer. I don’t have time to edit her work, but I know that no publisher is going to sign her at the rate she is going. Her writing skills are poor. Her grammar skills are abysmal, and she is a mediocre storyteller as well. What she has going for her is that her raw story is moving and compelling. As a writer-editor, what would you say to this woman to be of support without taking on too much? -- Novice Writer Reality Check, Denver

DEAR NOVICE WRITER REALITY CHECK: As a professional, you can sit down with your friend and tell her that you would like her permission to give her a trained assessment. With her blessing, tell her if she truly wants to get her book published, she will need help. Perhaps she can take a memoir-writing class. She may want to consider getting a ghostwriter to help her write the book. At the very least, she needs a copy editor to ensure that the grammar is accurate. Tell her about the self-publishing option, but note that she should not self-publish until her book is of adequate quality.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother lives in a different country. Her family is from Brazil, and that is where she grew up. When my siblings and I graduated from high school, she decided to move back to her hometown. I enjoy going to see her and visiting the family I have there, but my mother has been nagging me a lot more than usual recently. Every time I take a vacation with my boyfriend or go away with my girlfriends, she questions why I did not visit her. I try to explain to her that a flight to Brazil costs a lot more than a flight to Florida and that I can’t spend all my vacation days on her. Do you have any advice on how I can handle this situation without hurting my mother’s feelings? -- Nagging Mother, Miami

DEAR NAGGING MOTHER: Your mother made a choice for her life that took her thousands of miles away from you. While it is important for you to carve out time and save money to see her, you also have the right to live your life. You should remind your mother -- kindly -- that as much as you love her and want to see her, she is the one who moved away. She has to understand that her choice has ramifications for the family. Suggest that you use other ways to stay close, such as talking regularly via FaceTime, Skype or WhatsApp. You can stay connected without being in each other’s physical company. Choose that together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and has been undergoing chemotherapy for quite some time. I am the oldest of three, so I have been trying to take on my mother’s roles as she has been unable to. I have never admitted this to anyone, but sometimes I just want to be a normal teen for a day. I feel like I am constantly taking care of my sisters and running the house, and not taking any time for me.

I feel unbelievably selfish having these thoughts; it upsets me so much. My mom is so appreciative of how responsible I have been, but I would never tell her how I’ve been feeling every now and then. I haven’t seen my friends or hung out with my boyfriend in the longest time. It upsets me that I feel this way because I can’t imagine how my mom is feeling, but sometimes I can't help myself. Am I a bad person for feeling this way? -- Girl With a Sick Mother, Akron, Ohio

DEAR GIRL WITH A SICK MOTHER: It is OK for you to be honest with your mother, even though she is ill. Given what she’s going through, she needs to think about outside support that you and your siblings may need now. Obviously, you are not going to abandon your duties, but you can let her know that every now and then, you need a break. Perhaps there is a family member who can stop by to help out, or through her insurance you may be able to get a part-time caregiver. Let your mother know that you need help, and then she and you can begin to investigate it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)