DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been working to lose weight and get fit for a couple of years now. We are both in our 50s, and it’s not easy. We had let ourselves go significantly, and it takes so much to get back in shape when there’s a whole lot to do to get there. I’m proud of our accomplishments. Both of us have lost significant amounts of weight, and we work out regularly.

Because of all the hard work and some improvement, especially tightening of the skin and strengthening of muscles, my friend has it in her head that she can wear a bikini to a beach party we are going to in a couple of weeks. She modeled it for me the other day, and, I’m sorry, she is not ready. She looks better than she did, but she still has major cellulite and a huge, loose belly. I don’t think she should show off the “new” body that is still in progress. I think dressing more modestly can showcase her new positives without revealing too much. How can I get her to hear me? -- Stripping Down, New Orleans

DEAR STRIPPING DOWN: It is good that your friend is proud of her accomplishments and smart that you want to give her a reality check. Since the two of you have been on this journey together for quite some time, you can use your history and commitment to the cause as leverage to get her to reconsider her position. Suggest that you take pictures of her in her swimsuit so that you can show her what you see. If she agrees, shoot her from all angles so that she has a clear view of how she looks. From there, it is her decision.

I have seen plenty of women and men on the beach or poolside who are perfectly comfortable in their skin even when they are overweight. Your friend may be one of those folks, which is fine. After you show her your view, let her make her decision. Whatever she chooses, you should support her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in politics and spend a fair amount of time listening to different news broadcasts and reading about candidates as well as local and global issues. I think it is important to be plugged in. It’s frustrating to me to see how few of my friends and colleagues care about what’s going on. I learned recently that at least half of my core group of friends and associates are not registered to vote. We are not young! We are in our 40s or older. How can I convince my friends that it does matter for them to get engaged and to cast their votes? -- Rally the Troops, Chicago

DEAR RALLY THE TROOPS: Listen to what your friends talk about. Notice the issues that they complain about. In those discussions, you may be able to find links to how political engagement could help to resolve some of their frustrations. For example, if potholes in your neighborhood are tearing up their tires, talking to their local and federal politicians might get the government to repair the roads. If gun violence is a hot topic for them, point out which candidates are taking on this issue and how they can support the candidate who shares their views. The key to getting people involved in politics is getting them to realize that it is personal for them and not just a matter of talking heads on TV.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who contacts me only when he needs something. He is charismatic and charming, so I usually find myself agreeing to do whatever he suggests, but it makes me mad. When I need him to do something for me, I often cannot get him on the phone. He disappears for days, weeks, sometimes months on end, only to resurface with an urgent request. If I don’t respond right away, he gets indignant. How can I manage these dynamics better? I’m beginning to feel used. -- Selfish Friend, Lake City, Iowa

DEAR SELFISH FRIEND: For whatever reason, you have allowed your friend to manipulate you -- or at least to be selfish. You do have control over this, or how to respond to him, anyway.

The next time your friend calls asking for something, stop him mid-sentence and tell him that you need to talk to him about something. Explain that you have begun to feel uncomfortable because he has established a pattern of calling only when he needs something while not reciprocating when you need his support. Tell him that this hurts your feelings and makes you feel that the friendship is one-sided. Point out that you drop everything and do your best to accommodate his requests, and you wish he would do the same for you. Remind him that you love him and appreciate his friendship, but you have been feeling used.

Chances are, he will balk at your commentary. People who are charming and charismatic are often self-centered and don’t realize that they choose to design a world that revolves around them. You may have to train him to be more thoughtful by not responding so readily to him for a while. If he notices the disconnection, he may be more inclined to slow down and check in on you without other objectives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in competition with my older sister since we were kids. Now that we are middle-aged, you would think that we could bury the hatchet, but it seems like it will never happen. Almost every time we talk, she finds a way to get under my skin, needling me about something. Her specialty is making herself look like the smartest person and finding things that I have said or done that show my weaknesses. Somehow, I haven’t figured out how to avoid falling into her trap. After each conversation, I feel beat up because she is so skillful at getting to me. How can I disconnect from those childhood games and just be an adult around her? -- Sibling Rivalry, Seattle

DEAR SIBLING RIVALRY: You need to remind yourself of who you are, what strengths you possess and that your sister does not have control over you. You are an adult. When you talk to her and she begins to go in on you, end the conversation. You can be abrupt, if needed, and say that you don’t want to talk to her when she decides it’s time to make you feel bad. Say goodbye and hang up. If you are in her presence and she chastises you, walk away. If you absolutely refuse to engage her when she is rude to you, you can break the spell.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is generous and thoughtful, but she is also loud. She is what we call "extra." Sometimes it is hard for me to spend time around her because the volume is just too high. Well, that and she likes to gossip. I hate that. I do not like to talk about people. I like to talk about ideas and experiences. When I try to get her to talk about other things, she tries for a while, but the conversation almost always veers back to gossip. How can I maintain my friendship with her and keep my sanity as well? -- She Talks Too Much, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SHE TALKS TOO MUCH: Some people are best experienced in small doses. This friend sounds like one of those. You may want to consider inviting her to participate in activities that require you to pay attention to outside stimuli so that you then have something to talk about that is different. This could mean going to a museum or watching a movie and then talking about it, joining a book club or something else that requires a different kind of focus. You can also limit how much time you spend together. It is OK to be available sometimes but not all the time. If you manage the time you spend with her and refuse to participate in gossip, you may be able to maintain your friendship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been an entrepreneur for many years. It is often a struggle to keep things going. There is a serious ebb and flow as far as dollars go. Still, what I do whenever possible is share my resources with people I care about. For example, if I have a project where I need help, I first try to hire someone in my friend group or professional network. It’s always someone who is qualified, but I do my best to choose people I care about to hire first. Recently, this became an issue. I had hired a friend who did a good job, but she asked me to pay her more than what we agreed originally, even though the workload didn’t change. I cannot afford to pay more. The project is a small one with a tiny budget, which she knew. Because she is my friend, she is suggesting that I am taking advantage of her by paying her a low fee. How can I handle this? Should I stop hiring friends? -- Friends for Hire, Milwaukee

DEAR FRIENDS FOR HIRE: Hiring friends can be rewarding and tricky at times. What you need to do is have clear guidelines in writing about your payment practices. Whenever you hire anyone, put the terms in writing so that you agree formally before you begin the work. This way, friend or not, the employee will be clear about expectations for compensation. You should also tell friends that you are hiring them because you think they will be good for the job, not just because they are friends. Make it clear that you expect professional-grade work, and you will compensate fairly.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)