DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is generous and thoughtful, but she is also loud. She is what we call "extra." Sometimes it is hard for me to spend time around her because the volume is just too high. Well, that and she likes to gossip. I hate that. I do not like to talk about people. I like to talk about ideas and experiences. When I try to get her to talk about other things, she tries for a while, but the conversation almost always veers back to gossip. How can I maintain my friendship with her and keep my sanity as well? -- She Talks Too Much, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SHE TALKS TOO MUCH: Some people are best experienced in small doses. This friend sounds like one of those. You may want to consider inviting her to participate in activities that require you to pay attention to outside stimuli so that you then have something to talk about that is different. This could mean going to a museum or watching a movie and then talking about it, joining a book club or something else that requires a different kind of focus. You can also limit how much time you spend together. It is OK to be available sometimes but not all the time. If you manage the time you spend with her and refuse to participate in gossip, you may be able to maintain your friendship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been an entrepreneur for many years. It is often a struggle to keep things going. There is a serious ebb and flow as far as dollars go. Still, what I do whenever possible is share my resources with people I care about. For example, if I have a project where I need help, I first try to hire someone in my friend group or professional network. It’s always someone who is qualified, but I do my best to choose people I care about to hire first. Recently, this became an issue. I had hired a friend who did a good job, but she asked me to pay her more than what we agreed originally, even though the workload didn’t change. I cannot afford to pay more. The project is a small one with a tiny budget, which she knew. Because she is my friend, she is suggesting that I am taking advantage of her by paying her a low fee. How can I handle this? Should I stop hiring friends? -- Friends for Hire, Milwaukee

DEAR FRIENDS FOR HIRE: Hiring friends can be rewarding and tricky at times. What you need to do is have clear guidelines in writing about your payment practices. Whenever you hire anyone, put the terms in writing so that you agree formally before you begin the work. This way, friend or not, the employee will be clear about expectations for compensation. You should also tell friends that you are hiring them because you think they will be good for the job, not just because they are friends. Make it clear that you expect professional-grade work, and you will compensate fairly.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am embarrassed that I never learned how to swim. I grew up in a neighborhood where nobody went to the pool and we didn’t have swimming lessons, so as an adult man, I cannot swim. Recently, some friends invited me and my family to go to a pool party. I want to go and intend to bring my family, but none of us can swim. I wonder if my family will feel uncomfortable. The kids can put on life vests and stay in the shallow end, but I would look like a fool with those floaties on. Should we go? Is it too late for me and my family to learn how to swim? -- I Can't Swim, Dallas

DEAR I CAN’T SWIM: Make sure that there is a lifeguard or adults who can swim at the party so that your children are safe. Privately let the host know that you and your children are not swimmers, and ask if there is someone who will be watching the kids.

Beyond that, yes, you can learn to swim as an adult. Go to your local YMCA to find out if they offer adult swim lessons. You can go once a week to learn the basics, which will be helpful for you. Same for your children.

Olympic gold medalist Cullen Jones has partnered with the USA Swimming Foundation to help families learn to swim, in a program called Make a Splash. Cullen almost drowned as a child, and he doesn’t want this to happen to others, especially folks in communities that typically do not learn to swim. For more information, visit usaswimmingfoundation.org/home/make-a-splash.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My house is a mess, and I know that I need help getting it organized. My husband helps a little to clean up, but I mean only a little. I am a bit of a hoarder, and he is a collector. Ever since my husband put his foot down that we can’t have a cleaning service, the house has gotten way messier. I am so embarrassed, and I know that I won’t be able to get it clean and tidy without help. I also don’t want to fight with my husband. How can I get him to seriously help me clean or allow a cleaning service back into the house? -- Messed Up, Kansas City, Missouri

DEAR MESSED UP: People who are not tidy often need help getting to a baseline of tidiness. Maybe what you can do is convince your husband to allow a cleaning service to come in and help you to clear out the clutter, make tough decisions about things to throw away and help you establish a level of order that you can maintain. This could be your key to getting a fresh start. You may also want to talk to him about having a once-a-month service to come in and help you keep your place in order. This is least invasive, which may help you to reclaim your home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter went to sleep-away camp this summer and made friends with some girls whom she wants to stay friends with. One of them is very wealthy, though she seems down to earth. The wealthy girl has invited my daughter to visit her in the Hamptons before summer is out, which is very kind, but I’m not sure if this is a good idea. I don’t want my daughter to feel uncomfortable because she doesn’t have as much as this girl. We are practical people and have exposed our daughter to all kinds of experiences. Maybe I am overthinking this. The girl’s parents seem nice and grounded. She seems to be genuinely interested in becoming closer to my daughter. Should I let my daughter spend the weekend with them? -- Overexposure, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR OVEREXPOSURE: You consciously put your daughter in the environment where she met this other girl. They developed a natural friendship, which you should allow her to cultivate. Spending time with people who have more resources than you is fine. As long as your daughter is being treated nicely and feels comfortable and safe, you should allow her to expand her experiences. Talk to the parents to be sure of whatever she may need when she is with them and to gauge your comfort level. If all seems well, let her go.

In general, I think it is smart to expose your children to all kinds of people and different ways of living. This helps them to see how big the world is and how diverse our experiences can be. You should reciprocate and invite this girl to visit your daughter. It doesn’t matter that you live more modestly. If the two of them are truly to be friends, they should feel comfortable spending time in both environments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my husband drinks too much, he talks about our sex life in detail -- especially if we are hanging out with friends. He uses this opportunity to badmouth me about what I’m doing in the bedroom that isn't to his satisfaction. This is humiliating. I admit that we have been having difficulties that include lack of intimacy, but I do not appreciate him trying to shame me in the company of our friends when he is drinking. How can I get him to stop? -- Drunk Speak, Detroit

DEAR DRUNK SPEAK: It sounds like you and your husband need therapy. Obviously, the state of your sex life is bothersome to your husband if he tends to blurt out your business when he is under the influence. Should he stop drinking? Of course, but that is a symptom of a much bigger issue. Do your best to get your husband to go to therapy with you so that you can talk through your issues and work to figure out how to come back together intimately. You may also consider a sex therapist who specializes in helping couples rekindle romance.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)