life

Recent Graduate Having Trouble Landing a Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 30th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been rejected from every job that I’ve applied for since graduating from college last month. I receive generic emails that say the companies have moved on to look at other candidates for the positions. I am eager to start working because all my friends have jobs.

I know that it hasn’t been that long, but I just want to start already. I’ve looked on different job websites such as LinkedIn, Indeed, etc. For some reason, nothing is working. I’ve had internship experiences and did well in school, but can’t seem to find anything. It’s embarrassing when people ask me what I've been up to and I have to say I'm looking for work. Am I ever going to get a job? -- Desperate to Work, Dallas

DEAR DESPERATE TO WORK: Take a deep breath and be still. Your attitude is essential to your success, and you cannot be desperate. That energy repels people. You want to make yourself attractive to a potential employer.

As you are continuing your search, look for a place to volunteer. Think of your interests and abilities, then identify a small business or other entity that does something you find appealing. Offer to be an intern or a volunteer for a few hours per week. Let the company know that you are looking for a job, so you may need a bit of flexibility with your time, but pitch yourself strongly as someone who wants to help. If you land a volunteer role, treat it as the highest-paid job ever. You never know. It could lead to a paying role.

Also, be patient. It can take many months before you land a job, based on hiring practices of late. Do not get discouraged. Keep looking. Stay positive and put yourself out there. Go to mixers and meetups for your industry. If you are out there, you may meet someone who can help you secure that important first job.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 30, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 30th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t think marriage is for me. My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years, and we are completely content with how our relationship has been going. We live together, and we have a healthy, stable relationship. However, I cannot seem to brush off the constant questioning of when we are going to get married by my friends and family. I don’t know how many times I have to tell them that we most likely will not be getting married because we don’t want to.

My parents think it’s the worst thing in the world that I don’t want to get married, but I just don’t see the need. I don’t know what I’m saying wrong -- for some reason, I continue to get asked the question by the same people. Will they ever stop questioning me about marriage? -- No Marriage for Me, Los Angeles

DEAR NO MARRIAGE FOR ME: Check in with your boyfriend to make sure that the two of you are on the same page. What’s most important is that you agree on how you want to live your life together. Talk about marriage and your feelings on the topic. Address whether you think you would ever want to get married, including if and when you have children.

Once you are crystal clear about your shared views, share them with your parents. If you do not intend to get married, draw that line in the sand. Tell your family pointedly that you have made up your mind. Ask them to stop asking you. Ultimately, stop answering the question.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Parents' Fighting Upsets Family

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 28th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have been arguing a lot for the past couple of months. Although they argue, I don’t think they would ever consider separating or getting a divorce. I know that it’s not my place to say anything, but I am the oldest of four sisters, and I think that my parents need to change. My sisters get upset when my parents fight, and it has been going on for too long. I tried saying something to my mom, but she got defensive and told me I don’t know anything about marriage. It’s true, I don’t -- I have never been married, but I do know that the way they fight is not healthy. Do I try talking to my mom again, or should I get an objective third party involved? -- Worried Daughter, Cincinnati, Ohio

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: Living through this rocky period of your parents’ relationship has got to be exhausting and scary. Are there any other family members or close friends nearby? It sounds like you could use an intervention staged by adult loved ones who may be able to reflect to your parents what their feuding is doing to the family. Talk to whomever you feel closest to, and ask for support. While your parents probably won’t appreciate at first that you have told their business to others, this is your life, too. You want to protect your siblings and yourself. Make that clear, and work on the intervention now.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 28, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 28th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m pregnant with my second baby girl. My eldest is 2, and I'm due in September. My husband and I are overjoyed about having our second baby. However, I can’t stop thinking about how the attention is going to be off of my toddler. I’m nervous that I'm going to give the newborn all of my attention, and my toddler is not going to feel the affection and love that we gave her when she was an only child. I know that it’s something that my husband and I need to be conscious of, but a newborn is such hard work. I’m so excited, but I'm also nervous and scared. How do I give my toddler an equal amount of my attention when the baby is born? -- Soon-to-Be Mother of Two, Pittsburgh

DEAR SOON-TO-BE MOTHER OF TWO: You need help. The reality is that your first child will probably experience some difficulties because she will no longer be the sole recipient of your affection. That’s reality. One way that you can ensure that she continues to feel loved and supported is to make a plan that involves support. Have a family member, friend or nanny come in to help you with basic things for the baby and playtime with your eldest child. This will give you a chance to be with each child and get much-needed rest.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Sharing About Struggles Helps Friend Feel Less Alone

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my girlfriends confided in me that she is having marital struggles. I felt bad for her. Clearly, she is going through a tough time. I did my best to listen well and to talk less, but in the end, I told her that I have been having my own struggles, and if we are being honest, a few of our mutual friends have had some ups and downs of late. I didn’t say this to diminish her personal issues, but it is true that for those of us who have been married for a few years (some for more than 10), stuff comes up. I didn’t have any grand solution for her other than to say that I know, in my case, we just keep working at it. Do you think I let her down by telling my story and letting her know that she’s not alone? I think she was hoping that there was some miracle advice I could give her that would heal her wounds. -- Marital Bliss, Albuquerque, New Mexico

DEAR MARITAL BLISS: When friends are in pain, of course you want to help them feel better. When it comes to marriage, there is no playbook to follow. That said, it can be comforting to know that others share your experience. Even if your friend didn’t seem to want to hear about how directly connected your experience may be to hers, it may give her a bit of perspective.

Marriages that last must weather emotional storms. For most couples, every single day is not blissful. Instead, there can be any number of conflicts that arise that have to be faced. It was good for you to let your friend know that she is not alone. Couples do sometimes have difficulties. Recommend to her that they go to couples counseling. What you should not do is attempt to be a surrogate counselor yourself. Stay a supportive friend.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 27, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked out almost every day since the beginning of the year. I am proud of my dedication but bummed out that now that summer's here, I haven’t gotten close to my summer weight. I know that I didn’t put the weight on in just one year, but I did think that if I was committed to fitness, it would pay off in a bigger way. What am I doing wrong? I’m feeling defeated. -- Not Fit Enough, Denver

DEAR NOT FIT ENOUGH: Patience and long-term commitment to your fitness and overall health are your anchors here. I’m sorry you did not reach your summer goal, but please do not give up. What my trainer has shared with me is that the exercise is essential, but the other requirement is being dogged about what you put in your mouth. What you eat and drink affects your weight more than anything. Cutting back significantly on calorie intake is the key to shedding pounds. You should log your caloric intake daily. You can use any number of tracker systems to make it easy. This will likely identify ways in which you can trim your diet and, in turn, your waist.

You should also get a physical from your internist to ensure that you are not facing any underlying health concerns that you need to address.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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