DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends growing up got engaged a couple of months ago. The wedding is in August, and I’m excited to attend. One thing that has been on my mind is whether I’ll be getting a plus-one with my invitation. I would love to have my girlfriend there with me, but my friend doesn’t know her that well. I think it’s awkward to bring up, but I would like to know. What is the proper etiquette about wedding invites? If he is one of my best friends, shouldn’t I get a plus-one? -- Plus-One Please, Baltimore

DEAR PLUS-ONE PLEASE: Weddings are stressful for couples and families because they are so expensive and detailed. One of the biggest stressors is the guest list. Each person invited costs hundreds of dollars to host. Obviously, that’s not what your friend was thinking about when he invited you or anybody else. Chances are, he made a big guest list and whittled it down over time when getting practical about managing expectations and budget.

That said, the old-school wisdom about a plus-one is that one should be offered that invitation if one is married or engaged. In today’s world where many people are coupled but not married, the rules bend a bit. Still, the wedding couple can decide to invite a few single friends without plus-ones, especially if they are not in long-term, committed relationships.

You can ask your friend if your girlfriend will be invited, but don’t press him if the answer is no. Instead, ask who else among your mutual friends will be there so you know who you can spend time with.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is visiting from New York City and is staying with me in my apartment in Los Angeles for a week. We are very close and usually tell each other everything. In the past couple of months, he has been asking me for money quite frequently. They are not huge amounts, but it’s still money that I’ve earned that I’m now giving away. When I ask my brother what the money's for, he says for food and transportation, but I have a feeling he owes someone money and needs to pay it off. Should I push my brother into telling me? -- Brother's in a Financial Pickle, Los Angeles

DEAR BROTHER’S IN A FINANCIAL PICKLE: It is OK for you to stop giving your brother money. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable doling out money to him regularly. He should be able to pay for his own food and transportation. You are happy to host him at your home, but you do not want to pay for his livelihood. Add that if he is in trouble and needs to talk about it, you are all ears, but the constant money transfer must stop now.

If you stop giving him cash, this may trigger your brother to be more forthcoming -- especially if there is a loan involved. Just be clear about how far you intend to go to help him. It’s great to support your brother, but there has to be a limit, for his own good and for your wallet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am having a midlife crisis. I’m in my 50s already, so maybe I’m late to the party, but I’m worried about everything. I have children whom I still have to put through college. My work was downsized several years ago, and I haven’t figured out how to earn enough money to help support my family. My husband is helpful, but he needs to pull more weight. I don’t see a clear path to better times. We have piles of bills and limited income. I don’t want to put this worry onto my son as that won’t help him in his studies or his life. But I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I don’t feel like getting out of bed because it costs more for me to get up and eat, drive -- everything. I know I’m in a bad place. Can you help me? -- Stuck, Seattle

DEAR STUCK: I’m sorry that you are feeling so burdened by your circumstances. It can seem impossible to climb out of a bad situation when you are paralyzed by negativity. A sign that you need help is not wanting to get out of bed or eat. You need a lifeline NOW. If you are even considering that your life is no longer valuable, there is help available at your fingertips. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 and talk to someone who can help you gain some perspective. This hotline is available 24 hours a day.

If you feel that you can get up and out of bed, take little steps to help regain your grounding. I strongly recommend professional support. This could be career counseling along with mental health counseling. You may need to rethink the type of work that you do moving forward. Many people have multiple careers and ways of earning a living in their lives. It may be time for your next chapter. AARP offers a great free tool to help you figure out your next steps. Go to aarp.org/about-aarp/life-reimagined/ to learn more, but know that the people they choose to help the most are in your very situation, at a crossroads. Good luck to you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my job unexpectedly, and I’m embarrassed to tell my girlfriend. We just moved into an apartment together a few months ago, and now I’m not sure what we’re going to do. It’s hard to find jobs these days, and I’m worried that I won’t find something soon. I promised her I would take care of her, and now I feel like I’m disappointing her and breaking my promise to her. What should I do? -- Jobless Man, Detroit

DEAR JOBLESS MAN: The way to take care of your girlfriend is to tell her the truth -- immediately. Keeping her in the dark means you are allowing her to believe that your family finances are secure when they are not. Yes, this will be hard to discuss, but things happen in life. How you handle them is what demonstrates your strength, courage and commitment. Make a plan together for the future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my husband about 15 years ago. I know I should be past it by now, but I’m not. I have never met anybody who even holds a candle to him.

My husband was a wonderful man. He was kind and attentive. I’m not saying he was perfect, but he was perfect for me. Every time I date, I hold men up to my husband as the standard. They never win the contest. How can I learn to look at them for who they are? -- Missing My Man, Allegheny, Pennsylvania

DEAR MISSING MY MAN: People grieve at their own pace. Your feelings of loss about your husband are real and clearly continue to affect your ability to be fully in the present. Take some time to remember all that you cherish about your deceased husband. Give yourself space to honor his memory, and literally ask for his blessing to move on.

You may want to get professional support, too. A grief counselor may be able to help you disentangle your tendency to evaluate potential suitors based on your husband’s characteristics and your desire to hold on to his memory. You can have one without the other.

Regarding your male suitors, your job is to be in the moment. Stop looking for a replacement for your husband. Instead, enjoy the companionship before you. Look at the person who is with you and notice his good qualities. Pay attention to see if you two mesh and if you enjoy each other’s company. Stay attuned to what’s happening before your eyes, and choose not to bring your husband into the moment. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter asked if she could dye her hair. I know it is because several of her camp friends have colorful streaks in their hair, and she wants to be part of the group. My daughter has not asked to do anything trendy before. I’m inclined to allow her to do it because it seems benign enough. She is totally into fashion like her friends. As far as hair color goes, we could get a temporary wash or even one of those bottles where you can draw in streaks. Her friends have gone to the hair salon, but I don’t think that’s necessary. I have dyed my hair myself. I’m sure I can dye hers. Do you think I am being too indulgent? -- Pre-Teen Hair Dye, Meredith, New Hampshire

DEAR PRE-TEEN HAIR DYE: I’m with you. In fact, I allowed my daughter to dye her hair when she was your daughter’s age. It was fun and temporary and allowed her to feel a little grown up.

I will add that it damaged her hair a bit. Hair dye, even of the temporary variety, is drying. As with everything, there are pluses and minuses. You can help your daughter keep her hair moisturized as she explores, but let her have fun with it. As she grows up, she will have to make choices with her career in mind. For now, she’s a child. Let her have a little freedom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)